How to Teach First-Time Obedience to Children

First-time obedience is one of the most important lessons you can teach your child.  Almost every other lesson in life you may attempt to teach in the first twelves years hinges upon this important principle.  It can easily be summed up in two simple rules:  "Stop," and "Come."  Here are three things to remember in teaching first-time obedience to small children:  

1. Explain two important commands to your child: “Stop” and “Come”.

Tell him that these rules must be obeyed the first time, every time. Tell him what the consequence or punishment will be if he disobeys.

When a young child learns to stop and come on command, he grows up with an expectation of obedience toward his parents. This expectation naturally converts into obedience in other areas. Parents who successfully teach a child to come and to stop on command rarely have to fight many other battles. Over time, this lends itself toward harmony in the home rather than constant conflict.

2. Practice at home.

Home is the laboratory where we prepare for experiences in public. Home is where we practice chewing with our mouths closed, using manners, and using other healthy habits. Learning to come and to stop are even more important than learning hygiene, and they require just as much practice.

Tell the child, “Let’s practice coming! Go play with your toys, and when I say ‘Come!’, you come running to me as fast as you can!” Each day, invent new places from where you call the child (from the kitchen, from the bathroom, from the front porch, etc.). I have practiced this game with children at church, and they usually find it very amusing.

Practicing “stop” works the same way: Tell the child to walk around until you quietly say, “Stop.” (*Train with the same voice you plan to use at Walmart.) The child needs to practice freezing in place. Again, it is amusing to the child to freeze in awkward positions. (The mannequin game did not start in 2016.)

Tell the child that this is his “new normal.” Since he is clearly very good at coming and stopping on command, he is expected to do this with immediate obedience every day. This is not an unreasonable command. It will prevent accidents and property damage at friends’ homes. It will make your child a blessing to be around. It may save his life. Parking lots are especially unfriendly to children who do not learn to stop on command.

3. Avoid confusing the child with any inconsistencies.

Counting to 3, 5, or 10 causes the child to believe that he has multiple opportunities to disobey before a rule will be enforced. This runs counter to “first-time obedience,” and it is also contrary to how he will be treated under other authorities. Remember the game: He really can do this the first time.

Pleading for obedience instead of offering an immediate consequence places the authority with the child instead of with the adult in charge. Although there is no need to grind your teeth or make horrible threats, remember that a sweet, apologetic tone for commands is confusing to a child who has been told he will receive uncomfortable consequences for not coming. Speak with your God-given authority.

Three Scriptures that may be helpful are these: Genesis 18:19; I Samuel 2:29; and Proverbs 24:9.

Thoughts on Homework

It is as much a part of American culture as apple pie and baseball: Good parents do homework with their kids every night. Teachers sometimes even send home letters to parents at the beginning of the school year, explaining that there will be an expectation to that end.

Certainly no one will argue against helping a student study out loud for a spelling test, or occasionally helping with a tough assignment. In fact, one of the privileges I cherish very much is being able to tutor kids at times who struggle with English.  There are many reasons why a student needs an extra boost, and my thoughts today pertain more to the typical student who is capable of managing his own homework.  Here are four things to consider on this important but controversial subject:

1. Homework almost never affects a grade average in a significant way.

Most teachers do not count a missed answer as part of your child's grade average. The bulk of his grade will be earned through tests, exams, quizzes, and projects, not by workbook assignments. This is not to suggest at all that homework should not be finished and finished well (keep reading below . . .). But in most classes, you can afford the risk involved in letting your child cultivate his own thinking skills through homework.  This isn't going to cost him his Harvard scholarship.

2. Homework offers feedback to the teacher of what your child actually knows.

A good teacher is doing more than just scanning for answers in the blank. He/she is looking for a trend. Wrong answers have a story to tell the teacher. When parents supply too many clues and too much help, they disrupt the teaching process. Homework indicates to the teacher whether a child has a problem with the topic itself, with laziness, or possibly with a learning disability. Homework also tells the teacher if he has done his job. Widespread confusion on a worksheet indicates to the teacher that he needs to do a better job communicating. It is better to discover that unpleasant truth on a homework assignment (which does not significantly affect the grade average) than on a quiz, test, or final exam!

3. Homework increases your child's thinking skills.

Following directions, analyzing examples, listening in class (ummm, YES!), asking good questions, remembering to bring the worksheet home, and then focusing for an extended period of time on a difficult task: Those skills are ALL abandoned when parents spend hours and hours breaking down the material into smaller, easier-to-chew bites. The homework is presumably written at your child's thinking level, but when you break it up and spoon-feed it, you have just reduced the grade level at which your child is working.

4. Homework teaches personal responsibility.

Directly related to #3, children often use homework time as an opportunity to shift the responsibility of thinking onto parents or babysitters. Parents and after-school tutors then become enablers by reading the directions out loud, drawing charts, and breaking down the "big words" for a child who really just needed to be left alone for forty minutes with no one to coach him. Thinking is work. Children should be encouraged (through incentives, if necessary) to finish homework in a timely fashion and at school if possible--in study halls, while waiting for the bus, and even in class when the teacher provides opportunity.  

Homework is important and effective--but only if we let it do its job.  

Teaching the Bible to our children

Have you been trying to develop a personal daily Bible-reading habit? Do you struggle to teach your children about the Bible because you are not sure where to start?

Consider starting with the stories of the Bible! You don't even need an extra book or pictures; your Bible is enough! Small children will enjoy hearing the stories from your own words. Older children and teenagers can appreciate the stories directly from Scripture.

Here are some references from Genesis for some of the stories of the Bible that can help you begin to dig into Scripture for yourself throughout this next month:

The six days of Creation/7th Day of Rest Genesis 1 - 2

The first sin Genesis 3

The first murder Genesis 4

Noah's Ark Genesis 6 - 8

The Tower of Babel Genesis 11

Lot is rescued from Sodom Genesis 19

Abraham receives a son Genesis 21

Abraham offers Isaac Genesis 22

A wife for Isaac Genesis 24

Jacob tricks Isaac Genesis 27

Jacob finds a wife Genesis 29

Joseph is sold into slavery Genesis 37

Joseph is sentenced to a dungeon Genesis 39

Joseph is made second in command Genesis 41

Joseph's brothers bow down to him Genesis 42 - 44

Joseph is reunited with his father Genesis 45 - 46

Jacob dies Genesis 49 - 50

Don't let devotionals, DVD's, and TV shows be the only way your

family knows Bible stories. Let the Bible be your source!

What can we do?

When I was thirteen years old, I wrote in my devotional journal that one of my life goals was to help stop abortion. Could that seventh grade girl in 1983 have imagined that here we would be, 33 years later, and abortion would still be a scar on the spiritual and emotional landscape of our beloved country? Could I have imagined that the pictures that tore my heart up back then would only begin to convey a fraction of this national tragedy? Could my mind ever have imagined the hideous, demonic evil that is "partial birth abortion"? Not likely. But my heart has not changed.

What can you and I do to stop abortions in America? We weep for the unborn in our country and for the many young women who have been deceived by clever arguments. Our hearts grieve at the loss of those little voices, and for the mothers who will face a lifetime of secret regret and painful grief. What can we do? What can we do?

We pray to the Creator of those tiny hands and beg His mercy on our country. We ask God to stop the bloodshed in our land. We pray for opportunities to lend a hand, through gifts to those who serve on the front-lines in crisis pregnancy centers. We seek ways to support adoption and to support single moms who have made life-giving choices. We share the truth about the pre-born with our loved ones, knowing that they may be faced with a hard dilemma someday.

And here in America, we vote.

"If thou forebear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it?" Proverbs 24:11 - 12. 

Light

I can remember once, as a little girl, staring at the effect of the bright rays of sunshine streaming through our living room window. The light was so intense that I was able to see small specks of dust swirling around the room. "Where did that dust suddently come from?" I wondered. The truth is: Dust is with us everywhere, all the time! We just don't often see it without intense light.

In our family Bible time, we are working together on memorizing Psalm 119:130, "The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple."

The entrance of God's Word (the Bible) brings light into our lives. It shines like a high-beam flashlight onto things we may have overlooked without God's Word to point them out.

Do you have a habit of reading the Scriptures each day? Do you read deliberately through the whole Bible instead of just repeating favorite passages througout the year?

May I challenge you to make sure your "flashlight" is in good working order? The light of God's Word will amplify truths about God, about man, about sin, about our daily decisions, and ultimately about how to live in such a way as to hear "Well done!" when you meet your Savior face to face someday. 

Thou God, seest me

Her life was complicated by the decisions and mistakes of others as well as her own misjudgment. Even to this day, a few thousand years later, no one names their daughter "Hagar." She is a tragic figure in the Bible, and yet she gives us one of the most beautiful promises to cling to: "Thou God seest me." (Genesis 16:13)

Hagar didn't ask to become Sarai's surrogate, bearing a child with another woman's husband. She was drafted by her mistress, who questioned God's promise to give Abram a child. The situation proved impossible for both women. Sarai resented the intrusion she had invited upon herself, and she felt disrespected by Hagar's attitude. Feeling the sharp pain of harsh anger leveled at her, Hagar eventually fled into the desert, pregnant and alone, where God's angel met her and encouraged her to return with a submissive attitude to Sarai.

Life is not tidy. We are sometimes tempted to look at life's unpleasant situations and ask, "How did you get here?" We look at the difficult marriage, the addiction, the debt, the damaged reputation, the rejection, and myriad other complicated circumstances, and we wonder how the desert became our address.

But God sees us. In a desert, pregnant and alone, with not a friend in the world, Hagar discovered, "Thou God seest me."

Is your address a desert? People fail us, and we fail ourselves. Even Abram--a patriarch of the faith--could not provide a satisfying answer to Hagar's complicated life, but God met her in the desert with His presence and His solution. Your desert is not harder for God than Hagar's. "Thou God seest me."

Book Recommendatin: Fierce Women, by Kimberly Wagner

Last Christmas, my sister-in-law first introduced me to a book that has since been a tremendous conviction, encouragement, and motivation for me as wife. I’d like to introduce that book to you as well. It is called Fierce Women, by Kimberly Wagner.  Although this is not a book review, since I won't be covering everything in the book, it is a book recommendation.  If you are a wife or are about to get married, this book will help you to see your role as a wife from God's perspective. 

I relate to Kimberly Wagner in many ways.  She describes herself as an outspoken and opinionated person.  I found her book helpful because she does not suggest that strong-willed women need to lay down their God-given personality or leadership strengths in order to be in God's will.  But she does make a very clear Biblical argument for women to lay aside selfishness and power-grabbing.  

The other reason I appreciate Kimberly Wagner as an author is that she is brutally honest about herself. She describes in sad detail how she almost destroyed her own marriage within the first ten years, even driving her husband out of the ministry, by attacking him through the dangerous characteristics she goes on to warn against in the book.  Thankfully, God restored their marriage twenty years ago and has used the Wagners to help many others who are struggling.  

Allow me to quote from Fierce Women here and list the fifteen characteristics of a destructive fierce woman:  

Characteristics of a Destructive Fierce Woman

1. She has established herself as her own authority. Her identity flows from the faulty perception that she’s in charge of her life, and her independence is her highest value.

2. She’s always pulled by the lure of “more.”

3. She’s unaware that ingratitude, pride, and fear are the driving components of her life.

4. She’s passionate about things that matter to her. She lives with a self-centered agenda.

5. She longs for love and affection, but she can come out swinging if rejected!

6. She goes to battle often, mistaking her belligerence for heroism.

7. She grabs for power, and no one and nothing prevents her from getting her way.

8. She uses her strength to bully others. She may not recognize it a bullying, but her continual criticisms, negative perspective, and harsh tones are like acid.

9. She’s harsh and blunt in her honesty and proud of it.

10. She is often involved in conflicts with others.

11. She may claim God’s Word as her ultimate authority, but her study is merely academic. It doesn’t affect how she treats others.

12. She usually has no trouble confronting, but her approach is demeaning.

13. She views meek behavior as a sign of weakness. She sincerely believes her constant conflicts with others stem from their ineptness, lack of spirituality, or inferior behavior.

14. She craves power over others and has mastered the art of controlling them through subtle manipulation.

15. Although she may not admit it, her life is devoted to selfish pursuit. She is only satisfied when she gets her own way.

Such a thought-provoking and convicting list for me! I know there are areas God is working on me. I pray you are experiencing spiritual victory this week. God is good to reveal truth to us

The Danger of a Melted Heart

"Nevertheless my brethren that went up with me made the heart of the people melt:  but I wholly followed the Lord my God."  Joshua 14:8

In his autobiography, Joshua includes the story of the conquering of Canaan, probably the key event of his entire leadership career.  Joshua actually approached Cannan twice:  Once as a spy, accompanied by eleven other men; and later as a leader, circling the city of Jericho and watching the walls tumble. 

It is Joshua's first encounter with Canaan that he refers to in Joshua 8:14 (first told in Numbers 13 and then Deuteronomy 1).  Even at the end of his life, he still remembered those "melted hearts," when ten spies came back with an evil report of the dangers lurking in God's promised land and influenced an entire nation to turn its back on God.  Without bragging, Joshua simply observed, as he looked back all those years later, "But I wholly followed the Lord my God." Over and over, that phrase recurs as the overarching theme of Joshua's life and leadership. 

Have you ever felt that awful sickness of a "melting heart"?  It almost always comes at the heels of bad news (sometimes sudden; sometimes progressively bad), confirming the legitimacy of our discouragement.  No one can deny our bleak circumstances---and suddenly, we find ourselves fighting an inward battle that is almost worse than the events that drove us to this darkness. 

What are the dangers of a melted heart?  And even more importantly, what is its cure?

1.  A melted heart accuses God. 

Deuteronomy gives the play by play.  God explains in 1:27, "And ye murmured in your tents, and said, Because the Lord hated us, he hath brought us forth out of the land of Egypt, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us."

Someone has said, "Our mind is our battlefield."  In their tents, they accused God of hating them.  In our homes, in our cars, in our back yards--in our minds--is where we find the danger of the melted heart lurking.  Does God love me as much as He loves people who are getting blessed?  Why is God asking this of me?  Why is God being so unfair in my life? 

"In this thing, ye did not believe the Lord your God."  Unbelief is accusation. 

2.  The melted heart disobeys. 

Just as marijuana has been called the "gateway drug," since its addiction leads to other, even more dangerous, addictions, discouragement could easily be called the "gateway sin."  How many temptations begin with discouragement? 

Discouragement has often been blamed for tempting people to get out of church faithfully, praying faithfully, giving regularly to the Lord's work, and sharing Christ.  Discouraged Christians are more likely to return to old vices and habits that they once gave up.  Under the influence of the "melted heart," Christians find an increased temptation to reach for the cigarette or the online gambling they thought they had overcome.  Even swearing, profanity, poor viewing habits, and unwise friendships all can easily be traced to a season of "melting heart," where one's faith in God was diminished by discouragement. 

Joshua's observation, "But I wholly followed the Lord my God," is more than a life story. It's also a cure.  Obedience is the ultimate self-encouragement! 

3.  The melted heart has the power to make us vicious. 

Within a short time, the Israelites went from crying (Numbers 14:1) to attempting to stone Moses and Aaron (Numbers 14:10)!  Were it not for a miracle of God, they would have succeeded.

The melted heart can be vicious.  Threatened with pain and fear, we want to lash out at others.  Cloaked with the entitlement that victimhood often brings, we retaliate at whoever we can find to blame for not doing enough to stop this.  Clouded by our own sense of suffering or impending catastrophe, we find it hard to feel the pain of others.  Numbness replaces compassion. 

I have been surprised at that viciousness when it has surfaced in my own heart.  Discouragement is often the "accepted sin," until I suddenly find myself thinking dangerously harsh thoughts about others who don't always understand my dilemmas.  Then the danger of the melted heart becomes clear:  I hurt others when I let discouragement rule my own heart. 

Joshua said it best:  "But I wholly followed the Lord my God."  He saw the giants too.  But he let his eyes travel higher than the giants.  Above the giants, he saw a big God.  Keep looking up.  Don't be a melted heart. 

Decluttering the Blogs

Someone has observed that opinions are like armpits—everybody’s got ‘em.  Thanks to the internet, it’s never been easier for us to share our opinions.  And in a world that seems overrun by current events and contentious conversations, it’s getting harder and harder to tell the difference between the opinions and the armpits.  The good news:  We’ve got deodorant for the latter.   

 

One of the easiest ways to convey an opinion—besides social media—is now through blogging and online articles.  The long process of free lancing, with the rigors of editors, a magazine staff, and stiff competition, is now just a few hours long for those of us who choose to blog.  As a result, we are able to react to current events immediately.  Opinions upon opinions, many of them long on emotion and short on facts, get passed around like gospel truth.  I’m sure that over the years, my own social media page has been home to a few of those articles. 

 

How can we protect ourselves from sensationalism and emotionalism?  Like a hotel maid who can maneuver a messy room and deal only with the wet towels and carpet crumbs without disturbing my valuables strewn all over the dresser, it sure helps to know how to de-clutter a blog and still salvage the truth.   What is the clutter I can try to maneuver past in search of the salient points? 

 

1.  Over-emphasis on anecdotal evidence. 

 

Jesus used stories to support His teachings (parables), and every good writer uses support material.  Most of us appreciate the efforts of pastors who illustrate their points with relevant stories.  But stories themselves cannot make the point.  Being urged to share with all your Facebook friends about the little boy who died after his vaccine—or the other little boy who died from not getting a recommended vaccine—is sensationalism.   There is usually at least one critical element missing from every emotionally-charged story. And even stories that are not lacking information cannot stand alone without data.  Remember:  Every story has a counter-story.    

 

Additionally, it is common nowadays to enhance the anecdotal evidence with close relationships.  While the person closest to a tragedy may have the most emotion invested in an issue, emotion alone does not automatically make him the most qualified to speak on it. In fact, if objectivity means anything at all, grieving family members are often the least qualified to speak on a subject, since grief can have a terribly distorting effect on our outlook.  I wish the media would stop treating grieving families like props in political campaigns. 

 

2.  Attacks of personalities.   

 

Current issues have a tendency to become linked forever to certain individuals.  There’s a lot not to like about George Zimmerman—such as the fact that he went on, after his famous victory in the Treyvon Martin case, to get accused of pointing a gun at his own girlfriend!  But my view of the second amendment and “Stand Your Ground” laws goes way beyond anything George Zimmerman does.  In current events, the issue of judicial overreach and state rights is still worth discussing amiably, without bothering to stop and tangle over Kim Davis’ religion, divorces, and history of bearing children without the benefit of marriage.  Beware of bloggers who give unbridled support of certain personalities to represent their “cause,” or—conversely, use the personal failings of famous personalities to prove an entire ideology wrong.   Truth sometimes lurks in the most unlikely of places.  Most of the issues that have steered the history of our country, for both good and bad, involved characters whose personal lives might surprise us.  The truth itself is bigger and stronger than the frail humans who transport it from one generation to the next. 

                      

3.  Dependance upon popularity.

 

Possibly the most annoying of all is the use of polling statistics to sway reader opinion.  Whatever happened to standing alone for what you believe?  It is illegitimate debate to tell me how many people believe in global warming, gun control, drinking, or the sighting of Elvis Presley at a Moto Mart in Memphis.  People have been wrong before—in pretty big numbers, actually.  Noah’s ark had only eight people in it.  I like to do my own thinking, even if that happens to put me in the minority. 

 

4.  Over-citation of credentials.

 

Our friends in the media are very careful to interview “experts” who like to sit down and tell us what to think about just about everything from the stock market to genetically modified food.  While we are all very thankful for the many qualified scientists and lawyers who use their knowledge and professions honorably, there’s still no reason to hand your brain over to someone just because he spent twelve years in college. 

 

What I find most troubling is the tendency to use religious credentials in order to prove a point.  Church size, advanced degrees, and even book authorships do not guarantee that someone is automatically an expert at all things Biblical.  Remember, it’s even possible to have theological credentials without actually knowing the Lord as Savior! 

 

5.  Oversimplification of complex issues.

 

One of the key marks of a dishonest writer is the inability to acknowledge that this world is not always a tidy place to live.  A few weeks ago, I was reading a thread where a pastor was defending his decision to send his children to the local public school.  He felt it had been a good experience for his children in learning to stand up for their beliefs. Although we choose to homeschool, I was still interested in his thoughts—both as a graduate of a public high school and also as a mother trying to teach my children to be strong in the expression of their faith in Christ.  Another pastor entered the conversation and asked, “Would you feel differently if your daughter went to the school in Hillsboro, Missouri (where a transgendered boy is demanding to use the girls’ restrooms)?”  Immediately, the first pastor responded, “Nope.  It would be a good experience for them.”  At that point, he lost me.  Glibly waving a dismissive hand across that whole disturbing situation in Hillsboro reflects an unwillingness to acknowledge that the opposition can offer a valid point.  An honest writer is willing to acknowledge pesky evidence. 

 

6.  Irresponsible use of the Bible.

 

Contrary to the impression we often get from our local Christian bookstores, the Bible is more than just a collection of inspirational quotes.  It is a library of sixty-six books, and it was meant to be read, over time, in its entirety. 

I cringe when I hear people making fun of obscure or difficult Bible verses—not because it makes the Bible look bad, but because it makes them look bad.  Despite what President Obama said a few years ago about the book of Leviticus, the apostle Paul told Timothy that “all Scripture is . . . profitable.”  Bloggers who can dismiss entire portions of the Bible have no business quoting the verses they do like.  While the genealogies, ceremonial laws, and dietary instructions for the Old Testament Jews may seem like outdated vestiges as we happily skip over to the Psalms, the entire Bible still has a direct relationship to our lives and how we view and worship God today, even though we are no longer bound to eschew pork or blended fabrics.  When we find ourselves wondering why certain verses are in the Bible (as we all do every once in a while!), it just means that we have found another area where we still have to grow as students.  It does not prove that there are certain books of the Bible that can be set on a shelf and treated like antiques—or, worse, laughed at. 

 

 

Those are just a few things to think about, as you and I maneuver our way through the millions of bytes of data each day, trying to gain perspective or just to hear out the other side of an issue we are passionate about.  When truth gets buried, we all lose—even if it’s our own ideas that bury it. 

Simple Simon

As a mother, I am horrified by the Ashley Madison story, as I’m sure is every other mom out there.  400 pastors resigning?  32 millions accounts—including one of the most famous homeschoolers in America?  It’s impossible to sift through all the damage that has been done and find a direct cause and effect among that many tragedies.  But we do well to stop and analyze ourselves instead in the wake of such a scandal.  “If ye would judge yourselves, ye would not be judged,” Jesus said.  Is there some way we as mothers can empower our sons to withstand the fiery darts of the devil?

 

The story of the Simple Man in Proverbs 7 sheds some light.  Although this is the story of an adulterous woman, the word “lust” never actually shows up in Proverbs 7.  In fact, other than knowing that the harlot is dressed in attire to attract the wrong kind of ambitions, we know very little else about the mindset of the man she conquers. 

 

Except for one thing:  That he is simple. 

 

What lies does the Simple Man believe?  And how can we avoid teaching those lies to our sons, long before any harlot shows up?  Verse five lumps them together as “flattery.”  Listen to the lies: 

 

The Simple Man starts by believing too much good about himself.  It’s impossible to be humble and flattered at the same time.   The harlot appeals to pride by pretending that the Simple Man is “special,” that he is better than the rest of the men.  “Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.”  She wants him, he believes, and singles him out for his attractive qualities.  Actually, she singles him out because he is a fool who can easily be caught.  And when she is done with him, she will move on to the next one.   

 

It’s actually an easy lie to teach.  Giving high school P.E. credits in homeschool for “playing the Wii”; letting a child get away with cheating—in a public school classroom or taking a quiz at the kitchen table; granting special privileges to a child just because he is the pastor’s kid, or because he is rich, or because he is athletic; rewarding children with too much praise for too little effort:  The flattery is subtle.  And ruinous.  It is terribly unhelpful to let children grow up feeling “more special” than everyone else. 

 

Secondly, the Simple Man does not understand consequences.  “He goeth after her straightway . . . and knoweth not that it is for his life . . .”  He thinks this is a one-night event.  Somewhere along the way, he has stopped believing in consequences.  He still believes his internet history can be cleared without a trace.  He believes he is smarter than the wife, parents, children, or employer who might be alarmed to discover what he is doing.  Maybe he even believes he can talk his way out of the outrage he deserves, should he ever get caught. 

 

It is dangerous to let children grow up believing that “rules are for other people.”   Yes, make that child return the money he stole, with a contrite apology.  Make him clean up the mess he and his friends just created by throwing crab-apples into someone else’s yard.  Don’t argue with the teacher when your child can’t go on the field trip because his grades were too poor or because he didn’t follow directions.  And when the kids at school or church don’t like him because he is a bully, or a whiner, or a thief, stop expecting other parents and teachers to force friendships where common sense has produced necessary loneliness.  All kids are sinners.  Even compliant children are eventually faced with their own depravity, and when that happens—do you sweep it under the rug, teaching your child to expect special favors in life because he is “nice” and “cute”?  That flattery works ruin—sometimes many years after the original event has been forgotten. 

 

I have a phrase I use all the time at church with the kids in my class.  Some of them come from homes where rules are flexible and consequences are negotiable, where adults are easily manipulated with tears and persistent arguing.  So I tell them, “I don’t change my mind.”   And then I don’t.  J  (They catch on pretty quickly.)  Don’t let his manager at McDonald’s be the first “wall” he ever met.   Consequences are much easier to teach to small children than big ones.

 

Finally, the Simple Man believes he can be satisfied while disrespecting a woman and her vows.  “Let us take our fill of love,” she whispers. “The goodman is not at home.”  Fill?  The pornography industry thrives because there is no fill.  It’s a bottomless pit, all the while destroying the appetite of once-normal people until they can no longer even appreciate the natural gifts God has given humanity.  “Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”   Pornography fosters flattery, deceiving men that they somehow deserve what the harlots are selling.  And the ruin of pornography is a form of death—quietly killing natural desire and destroying trust and character. 

 

King Solomon was taught what kind of woman to pursue—from his mother, Bathsheba, in Proverbs 31.  Bathsheba makes an intriguing Bible character to study.  She makes her debut into Bible history with the tragedy of adultery and the subsequent murder of her first husband, Uriah.  But from there, thanks to genuine repentance, she is actually regarded as a protagonist.  She raised a good man (Solomon), who was given the great privilege of reigning over Israel and eventually building God’s temple.  And in a remarkable tribute to the grace of God, she is found in the geneology of Jesus Christ.

 

What fascinates me most about Bathsheba, though, is what she taught Solomon about women.  Through illustrations in Proverbs 31:10 - 31, she sets Solomon on course to find a woman of virtue, loyalty, goodness, hard work, discernment, initiative, generosity, financial acumen, foresight, strength, thoroughness, compassion, courage, creativity, and honor!  Bathsheba, who once attracted the attention of King David by taking a bath on top of her roof, sets Solomon on course to find the inner beauty of a godly wife.  The woman who surely still felt the sting of old grief over the death of Solomon’s older brother (due to chastisement from God) finishes her essay with this finale:  “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain:  But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”  Look at the heart, Solomon.  Look at her heart. 

 

Moms, like Bathsheba, we can empower our sons to courageously face the deceit of pornography by training their eyes toward the heart.  Pornography is a respect problem.  We protect our sons from the lie of disrespect by cultivating in them an appreciation for the women in their lives and calling out of them a sense of honor and protection, not debate, pride, and harm. Allowing our sons to belittle and disrespect us sets them up to disrespect the other women in their lives as well. 

 

Years ago, I was talking with a mom when her son happened to come in from playing basketball with my kids.  She asked him to keep an eye on his younger brother, but instead he shouted back angrily and slammed the door on his way out.  She shrugged in defeat and continued her conversation.  Mom, it’s not just about how they treat us!  The way we allow our sons to treat us will be what they expect to dish out to their wives someday.

 

We don’t have to raise a generation of Simple Simons.