Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Is Your Child Left-Brained or Right-Brained?


Quite a few years ago, our family had an interesting conversation at our breakfast table with a guest staying at our house.  We were discussing the nature of the brain, dreams, and how people think.  I said that I have conversations in my dreams, and our guest immediately disputed me:  “No one dreams words!  People only dream images!”  He was pretty adamant.   I remember thinking, “Is this guy actually going to argue with me about my own dreams??  I don’t even think Daniel and Nebuchadnezzar had this conversation!”

                  

I don’t mean to shake up anyone’s world, but it’s really true:  My dreams have words in them.  In fact, I think words all the time.  It’s a characteristic of being extremely left-brained.  I can’t find my way out of a rest area without guided assistance, but I can write a blog while driving down the road and just put it on paper when I get home.   I think words, with images sprinkled in.   

 

Unfortunately, most of us forget that others don’t think exactly like we do.  Like the guest who vehemently denied that I could have a conversation with the bad guy in my nightmare, most of us think that everyone else is thinking in the same patterns we are.  This can produce an obstacle to good education—and especially in homeschooling, where the educational environment sometimes consists of only one teacher for thirteen years! 

 

As a homeschool mom, I am intrigued by how the mind works.  I have six kids who are uniquely different, with various talents and different skill sets.  For many years in the past, educators measured children almost exclusively by left-brain dominant skills (reading, talking, memorizing, test-taking, and categorizing).  I am sad to think of how many children felt “stupid” growing up, although they were probably more gifted than the teachers who made them feel that way.  By understanding how our children’s minds work, we are better able to help them retain information and use their skills for the Lord. 

 

I have enjoyed researching this subject (especially with the book The Gift of Dyslexia, by Ronald Davis), although none of us are really “experts.”  The brain is far more complex than what any of us can summarize in a book.  At risk of being dangerously over-simplistic on this issue, let me explain right/left brain dominance this way:  The left hemisphere of the brain is the speech region of the mind.  The right-hemisphere of the brain is the image region.  The left hemisphere tends to accumulate facts through language, and then organize its information in a linear fashion (think:  “on paper”), in what usually appears at first glance to be a symmetrical, orderly fashion.  The right hemisphere tends to cull information by "sweeping" from the world around us, using spacial reasoning and all five senses, in what often appears random and haphazard.  Most of us show dominance one way or the other—although we all use both sides.  The better our hemispheres interact, the more we are able to access and develop our stored information.  If you can clap your hands together without falling over, you are using both hemispheres.  Extreme use of the right-hemisphere, at the expense of the left-hemisphere, often results in dyslexia or dysgraphia.  Extreme use of the left-brain results in . . . whatever I am:  a lost mother, wandering for days in the Walmart parking lot because I was so busy “mental blogging” that I picked up ZERO visual clues on my way into the store, and thus have no idea where my van is parked.  Thankfully, we can exercise our brains and develop stronger synapses between the hemispheres. 

 

It’s good to know which side dominates our children’s brains so that we can help them learn.  Those of us who are dominantly left-brained (a common trait of many elementary teachers, just by nature of the demands of the profession) often overlook the clues into how right-brained kids think.  Is it possible that your child’s grades are not telling you the whole story? 

*Does your creative, artistic child feel “stupid” because he struggles with reading? 

*Are you using strictly left-brain skills (writing, copying, memorizing) to teach him new information, instead of accessing his memory center through the right hemisphere (actions, songs, movement, and tactile exercises that stimulate nerve endings in the skin)?  

*Are you punishing bad grades with more left-brain solutions (“Copy those math facts 50 times.  And no playing outside until you have learned them!”) instead of delving into the root cause of the struggle?

*Does your child constantly depend on non-specific words (such as “thing” and “stuff”), gestures, and onomatopoeia (sound effect words)—not out of laziness, but just because it just takes so long for his brain to finally spit out the correct word?

*Are you focusing exclusively on the “what” questions (“What is the capital of China?  What is the square root of 49?”) and overlooking the “why” questions (“Why does grass feel wet on a summer morning?”)? 

Left-brained kids compile data; right-brained kids are intrigued with processes.  The left-brained guy says, “There’s a word for that!”  The right-brained guy says, “There’s an app for that—and I created it.”   We left-brained folks like to remember all the rules, but it was our right-brained friends who discovered them in the first place. 

 

How can we decipher whether our kids are predominantly right or left-brained?  While I’m not a “purist” when it comes to video games (we own a Wii), it helps to turn off the video games, phones, and TV regularly.  Those devices tend to direct the brain into certain veins of thought, rather than letting the child create and solve his own dilemmas. 

*What do your kids daydream about when it’s quiet? 
*When they are staring out the car window, what is floating around in their heads:  words, songs, numbers, stories, images--or a combination of all those things?

*Where does your child tend to be correct in his hunches?  Is he a good guesser of distance, weight, and time (right brain), or is he a good guesser of spelling and pronunciation (left brain)? 

*Can you ask your child to organize a drawer (left-brain), or is it better to leave that drawer alone and ask him to figure out why the DVD player isn’t working (right brain)?

*Does your child organize his possessions symmetrically (left-brained), or artistically (right-brained)?  (Or not at all?  J )   

*Does your child do a good job reproducing and reciting information someone already created (left-brained) or does he tend to play the piano by ear and create new, wild stories at play time and crazy doodles when he picks up a pencil (right-brained)?

 

Because the brain hemispheres control opposite sides of the body, hand dominance can offer another clue-- although it is more complicated than just the question, “Are you lefty or righty?”  Some people are left-hand dominant for both gross (large) motion as well as fine (small) motion.  Other people switch dominance, depending on whether they are writing (fine motor) or swinging a bat (gross motor).  Our son bats with his right hand and throws with his left; writes with his left hand but holds his fork with his right.  Another quality to look for is eye and foot dominance.  A right-handed child can show left-eye dominance (which complicates gun sighting for several members of our family!), or vice-versa.  A left-handed child can use his right foot as his starter foot for running, and vice versa.  (*To find foot dominance, have the child stand with his eyes closed.  Give a gentle shove from the back, and whichever foot jumps out first to support him is his dominant foot.)  Those “mix-and-match” kids are just demonstrating that both hemispheres are at work—an excellent quality to have.  Those of us who are 100% single side dominant (eye, foot, and hand) for both gross and fine motor skills might be relying pretty heavily on one hemisphere at the expense of the other. 

 

In my next blog, my daughter Jessica will be sharing some things she learned about using art to help her mind retain information, and understanding the complexity of her right-side dominant brain. 

 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

How Does God View Fasting?


(My husband preached a message last year on fasting, and here are some thoughts from that message.)

 

As we reflect at this time of year on the importance of Jesus’ death and resurrection for all of us, it is common for there to be much attention focused on the practice of fasting.  While it is an important subject, it is also a commonly misunderstood one.  I hope that these thoughts from Jason’s message will help my readers to understand even better how God views fasting.    

 

1.  Fasting is Biblical. 

 

Jesus taught it.  In fact, He never said, “If ye fast . . .”, but rather, “When ye fast.”  (Matt. 6:16)  Fasting is a way to show our desperation to God.  It is Biblical to fast when seeking God’s will in a particular situation or when praying over a very serious need.  Fasting shows God our earnestness in asking our request, and it demonstrates the high priority we place on God’s help over even our personal comfort.   David talked about seeking God “more than my necessary food.”  Fasting focuses our desires on the Lord and deliberately sets aside our natural hunger for physical comfort.  The suffering of fasting is not about showing God our righteousness, but about showing God our need and appealing to Him on that basis.   

 

2.  Fasting is never public. 

 

While it is common nowadays to announce these decisions to others, we are commanded just the opposite.  Jesus said, “Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance:  for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast.  Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.”  (Matthew 6:16)

 

Sometimes churches will ask members to consider fasting for a serious need that has arisen—maybe a child facing life-threatening surgery, or a missionary being persecuted in a Muslim country.  Church members make those decisions privately, though, and do not add their names to some list on the bulletin board or announce it to others.  In fact, when we fast, we are supposed to do our best to look like we’re not fasting!  We should not make it obvious to everyone that we are skipping lunch today or avoiding sugar for spiritual reasons.   Fasting is strictly between a Christian and God.

 

3. Fasting should not be reserved for just one season of the year. 

 

Our needs and desperate situations do not just occur before Easter, although that is when fasting tends to get the most publicity.  In fact, our entire lives are filled with desperate needs, which God often uses to shift our attention from the glitter of this world and onto Himself.  Christians ought to be fasting periodically throughout their entire lives, as the Holy Spirit leads them to. 

 

4.  Fasting is not about giving up sin. 

 

Jesus wants to free us from the bondage of sin permanently in our lives, through His power in our hearts.  Fasting from cigarettes or cursing for six weeks before Easter—and then resuming the habit on Easter Sunday, is a bitter irony.  Jesus conquered the power of death and the power of sin by rising from the dead.  If we have sins that Jesus has pointed out to us that He wants to remove from our lives, then surrender to His Holy Spirit is the answer—not a temporary "fast". 

 

5.  Fasting does not earn heaven.

 

The rewards that Jesus referred to in Matthew 6 were not about earning eternal life. Fasting does bring reward—answered prayer, healing of sick, direction in our lives, even rewards to be distributed in heaven to those who were already saved.  But making it to heaven itself is not one of the rewards of fasting. 

 

There are people in heaven who have never fasted.  The thief who died on the cross next to Jesus did not begin thinking spiritually until he was within a few short hours of death—and by then, he was nailed to a cross!  He trusted in Christ, and Jesus promised him, “To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.”  (Luke 23:43).  That thief did not have time on this earth to fast, join a church, do good works, or give money to charity.  He simply trusted in Christ, and heaven was his home.   

 

The way to heaven is the same for you and me.  God did not adjust the terms of heaven for the thief on the cross just because he was confined by nails.  Trusting in Christ is truly the only way to heaven.  Jesus told his disciples, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”  (John 14:6)

 

Sadly, there are people who have fasted on this earth who are in torment today.  Hell is full of “good” people who will stand at the judgment and say, “Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name?  and in thy name have cast out devils?  And in thy name done many wonderful works?  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:  depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”  (Matthew 7:22 -23).  Why would Jesus call their good works “iniquity”?  Simply:  Because God views human righteousness as “filthy rags.”  (Isaiah 64:6).  Salvation is obtained, “not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy.”  (Titus 3:5).   

 

If you are concerned that you might not be going to heaven when you die, God makes the way clear:  “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”  (Romans 10:13).  Our sin can be forgiven only by “the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.”  (John 1:29) 

 

Heaven is sinless.  To go there, our sin must be erased.  But we cannot erase our own sin with these futile and feeble attempts at righteousness—impressive works performed by sinful humans, plagued by sinful motives; human accomplishments marbled together with self-righteousness and pride and comparison and apathy toward our Righteous Creator. 

 

“The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin.”  (I John 1:7).  Have you stopped trusting in your own righteousness and asked Jesus to cleanse you from your sin? 

 

 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Suitable Helpers







In defiance of the ice and snow storms bearing down on us, we had Little League sign-ups yesterday.  Spring is scheduled to arrive, whether winter agrees or not.  And when it does, you will find Valentin boys in the baseball fields.


When our kids first started playing baseball and softball, we noticed that early players have a complete misunderstanding of their job in the field.  Left-fielders, right-fielders, and center-fielders would notoriously stand in “their spot” and watch balls fly past them—sailing through the air or bouncing past them on the ground.  When coaches and spectators would call out to them, “That was your ball!” the kids would stare back in confusion.  “My ball? But it wasn’t in my spot!” –as though the ball and the glove had to have some sort of magnetic relationship that would ping the baseball directly into the glove, just like it does on the Wii.  It took a few practices (or even seasons . . .) to convince some of those little players that fielding is a running sport.  You go where the ball is.  It rarely (if ever) comes right to you.  

 
As wives, we are defined in the Bible by our mission.  Like a fielder whose job is defined by where he stands in a game, we are defined as “helpmeets” to our husbands.  Modern usage has reduced that to one word, but in the Bible it is actually two words:  “help” and “meet,” or “helper suitable.”  Suitable helper

 
Don’t let the broadness of “suitable” be mistaken for ambiguity.  It’s a big field out here, but that’s not meant as an excuse to miss the ball.  It just means that your job involves a lot of running

 
Sometimes the baseball is hit high in the air—sailing well over the heads of infielders into a beautiful, predictable arch that gives us fielders lots of time to anticipate its landing and position ourselves.  Those are the easy catches.  Batters hardly have a chance on those. 

 
But sometimes that ball flies crazy.  It might crash into foul territory, out of reach of the third baseman.    We’re supposed to be there—and get him out on the foul.  Sometimes it hits the ground so fast the pitcher misses it—and so does the second baseman.  Bouncing crazily, ricocheting off every rock and dip in the field, it’s like catching a bullet in a pinball machine.  We’re supposed to be there, too, and get the batter out at second.   

 
Every swing takes a different turn.  A tall player gets up to bat, and we all take a step back.  But then he hits it just between the second baseman and the shortstop.  We have to sprint to catch up to the ball and “be there” for that one too. And sometimes the catcher gets wild and overthrows the third baseman.  That’s ours too--get it back into the infield. 

 
In the heat of a July game, it’s tempting to whine about how things are going.  “The other guys keep hitting the ball over our heads!  And my teammates make so many mistakes!”  But you are the fielder, right?  You get every ball.  Stop reading about other ball games, where everything went perfectly well, the hits all landed in mitts, and no one even had to break a sweat.  This is your game, and you are ready for anything.  You are “suitable.” 

 
It doesn’t do any good to complain about where the ball landed.  So you were expecting it to come to your mitt?  But it didn’t.  We have to race after it, even though this isn’t the game we might have thought we were signing up for.  The game has taken a turn from when it first started?  We have to adjust and sprint anyway.   

 

Every game is different.  My game is different from your game.  “Suitable” means you do what it takes to help.  Some husbands need an accountability partner for their drug rehab.  Others need someone who can hold down the fort while he travels on back-to-back business trips.  Wherever the baseball is hit—you catch it.  That’s your job.  After a while this job can begin to seem impossible:  No player is perfect, and this season is all game—no practices. 

 

True.  But have you met our team’s Owner?   

 

Unlike any other owner in baseball, He doesn’t have box seats with air-conditioning and steak dinners, where He and His friends can critique and cheer and celebrate.  This Owner stands in the field with you.  When that baseball is coming at you at 120 miles per hour, he runs with you and helps you stop it.  When it’s 98 degrees outside, and the other fans have gone home, and nothing in the game seems to be going right, He gives you the strength, the speed, and the precision to catch the ball.  Every. Time. 

 

To be honest, some of the baseball games out there intimidate me.  Some of you are locked in marriages that break my heart.  Past mistakes haunt you—from offender registries or DUI mug shots still posted online.  Substance abuse, anger, pornography, mental illness, gambling addictions—the tragedies seem endless.  I have cried and prayed with you, and walked away haunted by your stories.  Lurking beneath the surface, the doubt whispers, “This too?  Can God handle this too?”   

 

But I know our Owner.  He paid an incredible price for this team:  His own life.  For those who have asked Jesus Christ to be their Savior, His promise is not hollow:

 

“According as His divine power hath given unto us

all things that pertain unto life and godliness . . .”  (II Peter 1:3).

 

All things.  It’s all there.  Whatever you and I need to be a “suitable” helper, ready to help our husbands as God wants us to--we’ve got it!  Not in ourselves, by personality or education, but through Jesus.   

 

If your husband is a pastor, with huge pressures on his time, finances, and marriage—you’ve got what you need to be a great pastor’s wife.  If your husband is disabled and needs you to take care of him 24/7—you’ve got what it takes to be a strong, cheerful caregiver.  If your husband has addictions that are tearing apart your family, you have what it takes to be creative and wise in your solutions, to protect yourself and your children without compromising your marriage vows.  If your husband is crippled by emotional handicaps, God has given you everything you need to obey the Biblical command and be a suitable helper. 

 

So, however your game is going, and wherever that ball gets hit—whoever your husband is, and whatever your marriage challenges are:  If you are a Christian, you have everything it takes to be a suitable helper: 

 

Through Jesus