The Bait to Debate

I once watched an intriguing documentary about some members of the United States military who were being given a test.  The leader of each small group was assigned the task of helping his group through a difficult obstacle course.  What the leader (and his group) did not know was that the obstacle course was purposely designed for failure.  It was, scientifically, an impossible course.  The real test was not how well the small groups could build a bridge or navigate a difficult maze.  The test was how well the leader could keep his group unified through an impossible situation. 

 

Sounds kind of like life, doesn’t it?  Many of our trials down here are not the real “test.”  We are not really being tested on how clean we keep the house; how fast we can get ready for church; how much we know when asked a loaded question.  We are being tested on how well we respond to humiliating and impossible situations.

 

Of the situations that tend to be the “test behind the test”, one is in the area of debate.  Christians can differ on many areas—some of large consequence, others not so big.  As I’ve often shared here before, I love healthy debate because I think it helps to strengthen our logic.  Unfortunately, my selfish flesh also loves unhealthy debate--but the Holy Spirit is working on me there!  We are trying to help our own children learn how to avoid the “bait for debate” when the debate is of the unhealthy brand. 

There are three traps to avoid in debating.  Avoiding these traps can keep your blood pressure down, your testimony up, and better yet:  enable you to pass the real test! 

 

1.  Engaging in debates that are “too high” for me.

 

The internet has changed the way we relate to one another.  There are blessings—such as being able to post short videos for far-away grandparents to watch.  But, as one preacher has pointed out, one of the negative impacts is that young people are given an opportunity to engage in debate with their elders.  Almost every article, every Facebook post, every video has comments enabled, where teenagers can “school” their elders, often in ridiculing tones. 

 

The Bible instructs us not to rebuke an elder, but to entreat him as a father.  This verse is based on the assumption that we understand how fathers ought to be treated in the first place (Ephesians 6).   While there are situations in life that invariably place younger people over their aged elders (trying to coax an elderly grandparent to surrender a drivers’ license, for example), there is still an attitude of honor and respect that is often missing in today’s dialog.    

 

Another debate we can decline to attend is when the debate involves things that we have not fully studied.  It is very easy to quote excerpts from other people’s study and to adopt it as our own.  Kids sometimes like to argue by quoting things they have heard their parents say, even without understanding the real gist of the subject they are debating.  With just a little work and good listening skills, we all can be Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh.  While it is good for us to have a teachable spirit and to be educated by knowledgeable people, I am always thankful when someone gives credit to a source rather than claiming to own information they read on a blog just an hour earlier.  There is a difference between a debate and a book report. 

 

2.  Solidifying a weak position to avoid humbling myself.

 

Some people represent good positions, but they represent them so poorly that I am tempted to turn the opposite direction just to spite them.  Grandma would have calling that “cutting off your nose to spite your face.”  That sort of revenge is like a serrated boomerang.  It will accomplish its purpose but likely reach the wrong target:  Myself! 

 

I remember sitting in a Sunday school class as a teenager.  For a very short while, we had a teacher who was filling the position until the church could hire a youth pastor.  The man was annoying, arrogant, and tended to lure people into odd debates, although he had many areas of glaring weakness in his own life and in his unhappy, rebellious family.  It was no secret that the teenaged boys in our class resented him.  They loved engaging in his debates and arguing with him during the Sunday school hour.  There may have been a few times he was actually correct in his position, but I think most of us would have joined the communist party before we would have admitted that man was right on anything.

 

The world is full of arrogant and unkind people.  In our quest not to be controlled by them, let’s not be stupid just to prove a point.  Isn’t that the same as being controlled by them?  Niceness is not always a prerequisite for being “right.”  And sometimes strange people have obtained knowledge I could use.   I dismiss them at my own peril. 

 

3.  Failing the larger test. 

 

Remember, the debate itself is not always the real test.  How we handle people matters a great deal to God. 

 

I Corinthians 13:2 says, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.” 

 

The Bible is filled with references to the value of faith and knowledge—yet, without charity, we are nothing.  We may have the knowledge to win every debate, every time.  We may have the ability to understand difficult Bible passages, and we may always have the right answers.  But without charity, that knowledge is meaningless.  I am nothing. 

 

For those of us who would be tempted to enjoy racing out to meet conflict, the caution is clear:  Why, exactly, are you bringing this issue up?  Proverbs talks about the loving reproof of a true friend, but proud contention is destructive.   It is motivated by a desire to claim superiority and spirituality.   It ignores the beam in its own eye, while vigorously plucking at any little moat it can find in someone else’s eye. 

 

 

Proud debate seeks honor for self.  Charitable confrontation seeks honor for Christ alone.  May the Holy Spirit teach us to recognize the difference in our own lives! 

 

 

 

Tips for Teaching Reading

Reading is the number one priority of any teacher.  Your homeschooled child may be an expert on photosynthesis, equestrian skills, the piano, or the Civil War, but without good reading skills, he will always be limited to what other people tell him. His vulnerability to false information will handicap him for life.  On the other hand, an elementary child who has missed a semester or two of science can easily catch up over the summer with a few good books. 

 

Most of what is called “phonics” today is not bona fide phonics.  It’s a half-n-half variety that employs phonics part-time and teaches a bevy of sight words that make kindergarteners look like Rhodes Scholars—for a short while, anyway.  It almost always catches up with the child, though.  By fourth grade, students are encountering many words they have not memorized or even seen before.  If they have not mastered the skill of “sounding out” unfamiliar words, they will become guessers.  Guessing kills comprehension as well as any desire to read the child may have had.   After all, who wants to read nonsense?

 

Here’s a step-by-step plan for teaching phonics.  These tips are not designed to help the “eager beavers,” who have probably skipped through some of these stages on their own just through natural ability.  I hope today that I can encourage the moms out there whose children are not interested in reading, or who are frustrated by methods that are not working.  It’s possible you are not a strong reader yourself and are intimidated by the prospect of setting the course of education for your child.  Maybe these steps will lend a hand for you as well!

 

1.  Letter sounds. 

 

Why teach letter names?  Other than singing the alphabet song, kindergarteners do not need the letter names.  Phyllis Schlafley, the famous pro-life activist, mentioned this on a radio broadcast many years ago.  Consequently, I have used this method on all six of our children, and the older five are all excellent readers.  (Josh is still a first semester kindergartener.)

 

Remember, kindergarteners won’t even be using long vowel sounds until they have mastered the basics of early reading, and they don’t need consonant names until they need to learn how to alphabetize (second or third grade).  For Valentin kindergarteners, the alphabet song is done with the phonics sounds only.  J 

 

2.  Two-letter blends. 

 

Once the child has mastered the letter sounds, begin practicing each consonant joined with each vowel.  Two-letter flash cards (“blend cards”)  or blend “ladders” are very helpful, but you can always make your own and laminate them. 

 

            ta                    ma                  la                     ba                   na                   da

            te                    me                  le                     be                   ne                   de

            ti                     mi                   li                      bi                    ni                    di

            to                    mo                  lo                    bo                   no                   do

            tu                    mu                 lu                    bu                   nu                   du

 

At this stage, keep the combinations in this order, without exception.  With each consonant, the child begins to predict the pattern, which is helpful at first. 

 

Do not move on to step three until the child is able to read the letters as one sound.  In other words, this should sound like “ta,” not “t . . . . a”, with a space in the middle. 

 

Watch out for sound reversals.  You may notice your child reading backwards, substituting “am” for “ma”, or “ed” for “de.”  The key for these children is to re-train the brain by covering up the letters with your hand and uncovering them one at a time.  This tendency does not automatically mean your child is dyslexic, but I would have to guess that it might expose a right-brained dominance. 

 

Right-brained children tend to “clutch” information in clumps rather than walking across a word one letter at a time.  Think of a large claw, reaching down and grabbing the word like a bundle of spaghetti noodles and mixing up the letters in the process.  This natural tendency is what makes our right-brained friends and children artistic, creative, and visionary.  They are demonstrating their ability to obtain large amounts of information at a time rather than relying on steps, words, and lists.  To grossly oversimplify a very complex (and intriguing!) subject, most of us are “word- oriented” or “picture -oriented.”  Picture-oriented children may be more likely to start reversing letters.   

But, the brain can be retrained.  By using a bookmark or 3 x 5 card, children with reversing tendencies can expose one letter at a time as they read, and thus retrain their brains.    

 

(If your child shows signs of dyslexia, there is a great book I can recommend for you—written by a dyslexic.  It’s called The Gift of Dyslexia, by Ron Davis.  You will appreciate your “backwards child” a whole lot more after reading this book!)

 

3.  Two-letter blend cards, mixed up.

 

Mix up the vowel sounds within each consonant group. 

 

            to                                            bi       

            ta                                            bu

            ti                                             ba

            tu                                            be

            te                                            bo

 

This stage is now requiring more careful reading (even though these aren’t words yet).  The child is having to watch closely to see what the vowel sound is. 

 

4.  Blend cards, mixed up even more. 

                            

Mix up the entire set of cards. 

 

            li

            to

            ba

            cu

            si

            ma

 

 

5.  Three-letter words.

 

Add a third letter to the blends he can already read.

 

            to  +   m  =   tom

            ma +  n =  man

            be + d = bed

 

At each stage of the reading process (and beyond kindergarten), be on alert for evidence that the child is reading letters that he has not come to yet in the word.  He may be using his “claw” method rather than letting his eyes reach for one letter or blend at a time. 

 

*Advanced readers see words as a whole, but inexperienced readers should not make this a practice. 

 

6.  More advanced rules for phonics.

 

One of the handy tools that we have used with all of our children is a book that used to be commonplace in Christian schools.  I grew up with it at my school in Ohio, and the copy we have is from my husband’s Christian school in Michigan!  It’s called the Victory Drill Book.  I suppose it fell out of popularity over the years because it employed timed reading, which can be frustrating for early readers and might lead to reading difficulties.  If you search for it, you will have to hunt through ebay or other used book websites.  As far as I know, it is out of print—which is unfortunate.

 

The strong advantage of the Victory Drill Book is that it isolates each phonics rule and gives the child practice at reading words that specifically apply.  For example, here is a partial list from the first page of the Victory Drill Book, using the short “a” sound: 

 

pat

tan

map

dad

van

sad

Sam

map

bag

nap

fan

jam

 

By page 72, it gets pretty exciting: 

 

tomorrow

yesterday

understand

unselfishly

awkwardly

transportation

invitation

Americanism

misunderstand

impractical

patiently

extraordinary

wonderful

Mississippi

 

In our Christian school, passing page 72 was awarded with a great deal of fanfare.  Our teachers presented us a Bible in chapel in front of the entire school.  We even got to select the color of our Bible!  Many times parents came to see the presentation and to take pictures after chapel, with our teachers. 

 

But best of all:  Someone had taught us how to read. 

 

It’s truly one of the nicest things you can do for a child. 

 

 

 

           

Characteristics of Gracious Pastors' Wives

October is “Clergy Appreciation Month,” and I am humbled by the kind comments I see directed toward pastors’ families, through Facebook memes and various events online.  Having been in the ministry for almost twenty years, I can assure you that anyone who honors their pastor will be blessed by the Lord and will reap what only God can give.  We pastors’ families are mere humans, full of failings, and we don’t always deserve the kind accolades bestowed on us.  God honors those who give “double honor” to their pastor, not because the pastor is always perfect, but because those lay people are actually choosing to honor God’s order for leadership and the gravity of His calling and His gospel. 

 

But there is a flip side to the concept of honoring clergy.  Proverbs reminds us, “A gracious woman retaineth honor.”  Graciousness can make a pastor’s wife easy to honor.  What are some ways that we as pastor’s wives can demonstrate graciousness to the flocks that God has called us to serve?  Maybe you are a new pastor’s wife.  I hope I can encourage you with some practical ways that God is teaching me to work on graciousness. 

 

1.  Gracious pastor’s wives are thankful. 

 

Whether it’s a pot of chili or a check for $50.00 tucked into a Christmas card, we need to show thankfulness for every kind deed, large or small.  To forget to say thanks is to convey entitlement—not a pretty image any pastor’s wife wants attached to her character. 

 

One of the nicest ways to demonstrate thankfulness is through a very old-fashioned and oft-forgotten tradition that seems to be waning more and more every year:  Thank you notes!  It doesn’t have to be a novel, but just a short, hand-written note means a great deal to people.  When my lazy self resists that idea of writing a thank you note, the Lord often reminds me that the time it takes to write that note is still much shorter than the time it took the other person to bless me. 

 

Growing up, my brothers and I had a great-aunt who was famously eccentric and difficult to get along with.  Amazingly, though, she often showered us with her unusual gifts—food (sometimes out of date . . .), clothes (equally out of date), and hand-crocheted hats and blankets.  She once admitted to my mom that she liked to give us these things because we always sent her thank you notes.  I can imagine her walking around her old house, looking for things she could donate to us just so she could get a card!  If even an eccentric, crusty woman appreciated hand-written notes from second-graders, I bet our church members like them too. 

 

The business world also recognizes the importance of a well-crafted thank you.  Companies who are successful at interpersonal relationships often remind their employees to avoid texting and emailing thank-you’s.  Thank you cards cost $1.00 (for eight!) at the Dollar General.  We can do this!  J 

 

2.  Gracious pastor’s wives are not “scrappy.”   

 

 I love “scrapping.”  I’m the oldest of three kids—and the only sister.  “Scrapping”  could have been a career choice for me.  When my kids scrap, I know where they got that tendency. 

 

In the requirements for pastors, “not a brawler,” and “no striker” show up in the famous list of I Timothy 3.  I can’t imagine God was licensing the pastor’s wife to be known for either of those qualities either.   

 

How can we avoid scrapping?  Here’s a principle to help us as women to remain consistent in our dealings with people:  Godly women are commanded to teach women and to train children.  We don’t have jurisdiction over men (which eliminates needless arguments or the temptation to correct a man in the congregation), and we don’t have the command to fight.  (Remember, ladies--we’re helpmeets, not bulldogs!) Any confrontation we find ourselves in needs to fall under the category of teaching (women and children) or training (younger women or children).  Sarcasm, gossip, angry debates, defensiveness, viciousness, and other fleshly endeavors are eliminated when we keep our mission in sight. 

I am convicted when I read the following excerpt from Rosalind Goforth’s painfully honest autobiography, Climbing as she describes an incident she had while serving in China as a missionary wife: 

 

“One evening as I lay on a couch beside a paper window . . . two Chinese women seated themselves outside the window.  I could not help hearing what they said.  They were, of course, quite unconscious of my closeness to them.  At first they talked with much kindness and sympathy . . . Then began a most amazing and searching dissection . . . of my life and character. . . Incidents with the servants, which I had thought trivial, such as a stern rebuke, a hasty word or gesture, were all given their full value.  During the process of dissection they did, however, find some good points. One said, ‘She speaks our language well and is a zealous preacher.’ The other admitted, ‘And she does love us.  But it’s her impatience, her quick temper!’  Then came what struck me as a blow, ‘If she only would live more as she preaches!’” 

 

Rosaline Goforth humbly shared that story at her own expense, to our benefit, and she went on to be used greatly of the Lord as she surrendered her tongue to Him.  Pastor’s wives:  Gracious women don’t snap and fight. 

 

3.   Gracious pastor’s wives are hard workers.

 

Not workaholics—for the “Marthas” out there who may be tempted to pounce on this point and create another “to do” list for themselves!  Proverbs 31 describes many qualities of the virtuous woman (which ought to describe the pastor’s wife as well).  One of them is that she “riseth also while it is yet night.”  She works hard enough to be able to provide assistance for her servants, the poor, and her own family. 

 

I remember many years ago hearing of a pastor’s wife who admitted to her church friends that she just could not bring herself to get out of bed before 11:00 in the morning.  It was her custom to retire in the early morning hours, and then to rise around lunch time. 

 

The Bible commands congregants to bestow “double honor” upon their pastor, but that can be challenging when laziness has crept into the parsonage.  Most lay people must get up before dawn in order to have time with the Lord and then leave for work by 6:30 or 7:00 each workday.  They sacrifice sleep and energy in order to be faithful to evening services, Saturday workdays, and special meetings.  A gracious pastor’s wife works hard at being a good steward of her time and does not allow laziness to become a stumbling block to those around her. 

 

Am I a Soldier of the Cross?

 

(verse 2)

Must I be carried to the skies

On flowery beds of ease,

While others fought to win the prize,

And sailed through bloody seas? 

 

The hymn writer is not intending to convey here that heaven is obtained by human work or effort.  Ephesians 2:8 – 9 make it clear that salvation is “not by works of righteousness which we have done.”  But the Christian life down here is a battle. In our own generation, we work alongside servants of God whose ministry is fraught with persecution, intense labor, and severe cost.  Have we as Americans succumbed to the faulty thinking that we somehow signed up for a “low cost” ministry? 

 

4.   Gracious pastor’s wives are joyful. 

 

Joyfulness is what makes Christianity believable.  It’s one of the first ways that God’s power is recognizable in our lives.   Many times lay people come to church carrying enormous sorrows, hidden underneath friendly handshakes and smiles.  Inwardly, they are grieving the painful choices of rebellious children, frightening  illnesses, broken marriages, and crushing financial burdens.  And from their seat in the pew, they watch quietly.  Do they see a pastor’s wife who has found the Lord to be her source of joy, even on a day when attendance is down, people have been critical, and the offering is meager?  Or do they see frustration and tension on our faces from a busy week of homeschooling?  Do they hear anger in our voices, when we correct the rowdy kids in the front row?  The joy of the Lord is what strengthens us—and what offers hope to those who come to us with their wide array of puzzling and intimidating trials. 

 

5.  Gracious pastor’s wives love well. 

 

As others have pointed out—“love” is a verb.  It’s easy to say that we love people, but our actions betray our hearts. 

 

Love difficult people.  The book of Matthew calls them “enemies.”  Do my enemies know that I love them?  My dog, Tippy, naturally likes nice people.  As Christians, we have Jesus’ power inside of us to love enemies.  I was once an enemy of God, and Jesus loved me while I was a sinner.

 

Love the unlovely.  One of the most challenging jobs God ever gave me was to help to clean an apartment that had been infested with roaches.  The walls and curtains were blanketed with crawling bugs.  The refrigerator and freezer were lined with dead roaches that had tried to escape the cold temperatures by crawling out of the packaged food.  Even the books were filled with cockroaches, dozens of them pinned between the pages.  The cupboards were sticky with the residue of years of infestation.  In the end, God did a much greater work in my own heart than what I was able to accomplish in that sad apartment.  He exposed how repulsed I was by the unlovely; how very selfish and self-righteous I was when I was allowed to compare myself to the dweller of that apartment.  He showed me how quickly I could resent that person for letting things get that bad, and how much I thought I deserved to be thanked for my efforts.  My heart was even uglier than the walls of cockroaches I had just tried to clean. 

 

Love the forgotten.  I am still touched by a photograph I once saw of Elisabeth Elliot, the missionary to Ecuador whose husband was murdered by savages in 1956.  Before flying back to the United States, Elisabeth stopped at a remote village to inform the Christians there that her husband had gone to heaven.  A Life Magazine photographer caught an image of Elisabeth sadly saying goodbye from her car, while the Indian women openly wept and crowded around the window.  They were a poor, forgotten, woebegone little band—missing teeth and dressed in rags, hair hanging unkempt around their lonely faces.  Forgotten by the rest of the world, they were loved by the Elliots, and Jim Elliot’s death grieved them sorely.  That photograph speaks volumes to me.  When I go to heaven, I want to be missed by the forgotten people. 

 

 

The Apostle Paul said, “And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry.”   Amen!