Tips for Teaching Reading

Reading is the number one priority of any teacher.  Your homeschooled child may be an expert on photosynthesis, equestrian skills, the piano, or the Civil War, but without good reading skills, he will always be limited to what other people tell him. His vulnerability to false information will handicap him for life.  On the other hand, an elementary child who has missed a semester or two of science can easily catch up over the summer with a few good books. 

 

Most of what is called “phonics” today is not bona fide phonics.  It’s a half-n-half variety that employs phonics part-time and teaches a bevy of sight words that make kindergarteners look like Rhodes Scholars—for a short while, anyway.  It almost always catches up with the child, though.  By fourth grade, students are encountering many words they have not memorized or even seen before.  If they have not mastered the skill of “sounding out” unfamiliar words, they will become guessers.  Guessing kills comprehension as well as any desire to read the child may have had.   After all, who wants to read nonsense?

 

Here’s a step-by-step plan for teaching phonics.  These tips are not designed to help the “eager beavers,” who have probably skipped through some of these stages on their own just through natural ability.  I hope today that I can encourage the moms out there whose children are not interested in reading, or who are frustrated by methods that are not working.  It’s possible you are not a strong reader yourself and are intimidated by the prospect of setting the course of education for your child.  Maybe these steps will lend a hand for you as well!

 

1.  Letter sounds. 

 

Why teach letter names?  Other than singing the alphabet song, kindergarteners do not need the letter names.  Phyllis Schlafley, the famous pro-life activist, mentioned this on a radio broadcast many years ago.  Consequently, I have used this method on all six of our children, and the older five are all excellent readers.  (Josh is still a first semester kindergartener.)

 

Remember, kindergarteners won’t even be using long vowel sounds until they have mastered the basics of early reading, and they don’t need consonant names until they need to learn how to alphabetize (second or third grade).  For Valentin kindergarteners, the alphabet song is done with the phonics sounds only.  J 

 

2.  Two-letter blends. 

 

Once the child has mastered the letter sounds, begin practicing each consonant joined with each vowel.  Two-letter flash cards (“blend cards”)  or blend “ladders” are very helpful, but you can always make your own and laminate them. 

 

            ta                    ma                  la                     ba                   na                   da

            te                    me                  le                     be                   ne                   de

            ti                     mi                   li                      bi                    ni                    di

            to                    mo                  lo                    bo                   no                   do

            tu                    mu                 lu                    bu                   nu                   du

 

At this stage, keep the combinations in this order, without exception.  With each consonant, the child begins to predict the pattern, which is helpful at first. 

 

Do not move on to step three until the child is able to read the letters as one sound.  In other words, this should sound like “ta,” not “t . . . . a”, with a space in the middle. 

 

Watch out for sound reversals.  You may notice your child reading backwards, substituting “am” for “ma”, or “ed” for “de.”  The key for these children is to re-train the brain by covering up the letters with your hand and uncovering them one at a time.  This tendency does not automatically mean your child is dyslexic, but I would have to guess that it might expose a right-brained dominance. 

 

Right-brained children tend to “clutch” information in clumps rather than walking across a word one letter at a time.  Think of a large claw, reaching down and grabbing the word like a bundle of spaghetti noodles and mixing up the letters in the process.  This natural tendency is what makes our right-brained friends and children artistic, creative, and visionary.  They are demonstrating their ability to obtain large amounts of information at a time rather than relying on steps, words, and lists.  To grossly oversimplify a very complex (and intriguing!) subject, most of us are “word- oriented” or “picture -oriented.”  Picture-oriented children may be more likely to start reversing letters.   

But, the brain can be retrained.  By using a bookmark or 3 x 5 card, children with reversing tendencies can expose one letter at a time as they read, and thus retrain their brains.    

 

(If your child shows signs of dyslexia, there is a great book I can recommend for you—written by a dyslexic.  It’s called The Gift of Dyslexia, by Ron Davis.  You will appreciate your “backwards child” a whole lot more after reading this book!)

 

3.  Two-letter blend cards, mixed up.

 

Mix up the vowel sounds within each consonant group. 

 

            to                                            bi       

            ta                                            bu

            ti                                             ba

            tu                                            be

            te                                            bo

 

This stage is now requiring more careful reading (even though these aren’t words yet).  The child is having to watch closely to see what the vowel sound is. 

 

4.  Blend cards, mixed up even more. 

                            

Mix up the entire set of cards. 

 

            li

            to

            ba

            cu

            si

            ma

 

 

5.  Three-letter words.

 

Add a third letter to the blends he can already read.

 

            to  +   m  =   tom

            ma +  n =  man

            be + d = bed

 

At each stage of the reading process (and beyond kindergarten), be on alert for evidence that the child is reading letters that he has not come to yet in the word.  He may be using his “claw” method rather than letting his eyes reach for one letter or blend at a time. 

 

*Advanced readers see words as a whole, but inexperienced readers should not make this a practice. 

 

6.  More advanced rules for phonics.

 

One of the handy tools that we have used with all of our children is a book that used to be commonplace in Christian schools.  I grew up with it at my school in Ohio, and the copy we have is from my husband’s Christian school in Michigan!  It’s called the Victory Drill Book.  I suppose it fell out of popularity over the years because it employed timed reading, which can be frustrating for early readers and might lead to reading difficulties.  If you search for it, you will have to hunt through ebay or other used book websites.  As far as I know, it is out of print—which is unfortunate.

 

The strong advantage of the Victory Drill Book is that it isolates each phonics rule and gives the child practice at reading words that specifically apply.  For example, here is a partial list from the first page of the Victory Drill Book, using the short “a” sound: 

 

pat

tan

map

dad

van

sad

Sam

map

bag

nap

fan

jam

 

By page 72, it gets pretty exciting: 

 

tomorrow

yesterday

understand

unselfishly

awkwardly

transportation

invitation

Americanism

misunderstand

impractical

patiently

extraordinary

wonderful

Mississippi

 

In our Christian school, passing page 72 was awarded with a great deal of fanfare.  Our teachers presented us a Bible in chapel in front of the entire school.  We even got to select the color of our Bible!  Many times parents came to see the presentation and to take pictures after chapel, with our teachers. 

 

But best of all:  Someone had taught us how to read. 

 

It’s truly one of the nicest things you can do for a child. 

 

 

 

           

Characteristics of Gracious Pastors' Wives

October is “Clergy Appreciation Month,” and I am humbled by the kind comments I see directed toward pastors’ families, through Facebook memes and various events online.  Having been in the ministry for almost twenty years, I can assure you that anyone who honors their pastor will be blessed by the Lord and will reap what only God can give.  We pastors’ families are mere humans, full of failings, and we don’t always deserve the kind accolades bestowed on us.  God honors those who give “double honor” to their pastor, not because the pastor is always perfect, but because those lay people are actually choosing to honor God’s order for leadership and the gravity of His calling and His gospel. 

 

But there is a flip side to the concept of honoring clergy.  Proverbs reminds us, “A gracious woman retaineth honor.”  Graciousness can make a pastor’s wife easy to honor.  What are some ways that we as pastor’s wives can demonstrate graciousness to the flocks that God has called us to serve?  Maybe you are a new pastor’s wife.  I hope I can encourage you with some practical ways that God is teaching me to work on graciousness. 

 

1.  Gracious pastor’s wives are thankful. 

 

Whether it’s a pot of chili or a check for $50.00 tucked into a Christmas card, we need to show thankfulness for every kind deed, large or small.  To forget to say thanks is to convey entitlement—not a pretty image any pastor’s wife wants attached to her character. 

 

One of the nicest ways to demonstrate thankfulness is through a very old-fashioned and oft-forgotten tradition that seems to be waning more and more every year:  Thank you notes!  It doesn’t have to be a novel, but just a short, hand-written note means a great deal to people.  When my lazy self resists that idea of writing a thank you note, the Lord often reminds me that the time it takes to write that note is still much shorter than the time it took the other person to bless me. 

 

Growing up, my brothers and I had a great-aunt who was famously eccentric and difficult to get along with.  Amazingly, though, she often showered us with her unusual gifts—food (sometimes out of date . . .), clothes (equally out of date), and hand-crocheted hats and blankets.  She once admitted to my mom that she liked to give us these things because we always sent her thank you notes.  I can imagine her walking around her old house, looking for things she could donate to us just so she could get a card!  If even an eccentric, crusty woman appreciated hand-written notes from second-graders, I bet our church members like them too. 

 

The business world also recognizes the importance of a well-crafted thank you.  Companies who are successful at interpersonal relationships often remind their employees to avoid texting and emailing thank-you’s.  Thank you cards cost $1.00 (for eight!) at the Dollar General.  We can do this!  J 

 

2.  Gracious pastor’s wives are not “scrappy.”   

 

 I love “scrapping.”  I’m the oldest of three kids—and the only sister.  “Scrapping”  could have been a career choice for me.  When my kids scrap, I know where they got that tendency. 

 

In the requirements for pastors, “not a brawler,” and “no striker” show up in the famous list of I Timothy 3.  I can’t imagine God was licensing the pastor’s wife to be known for either of those qualities either.   

 

How can we avoid scrapping?  Here’s a principle to help us as women to remain consistent in our dealings with people:  Godly women are commanded to teach women and to train children.  We don’t have jurisdiction over men (which eliminates needless arguments or the temptation to correct a man in the congregation), and we don’t have the command to fight.  (Remember, ladies--we’re helpmeets, not bulldogs!) Any confrontation we find ourselves in needs to fall under the category of teaching (women and children) or training (younger women or children).  Sarcasm, gossip, angry debates, defensiveness, viciousness, and other fleshly endeavors are eliminated when we keep our mission in sight. 

I am convicted when I read the following excerpt from Rosalind Goforth’s painfully honest autobiography, Climbing as she describes an incident she had while serving in China as a missionary wife: 

 

“One evening as I lay on a couch beside a paper window . . . two Chinese women seated themselves outside the window.  I could not help hearing what they said.  They were, of course, quite unconscious of my closeness to them.  At first they talked with much kindness and sympathy . . . Then began a most amazing and searching dissection . . . of my life and character. . . Incidents with the servants, which I had thought trivial, such as a stern rebuke, a hasty word or gesture, were all given their full value.  During the process of dissection they did, however, find some good points. One said, ‘She speaks our language well and is a zealous preacher.’ The other admitted, ‘And she does love us.  But it’s her impatience, her quick temper!’  Then came what struck me as a blow, ‘If she only would live more as she preaches!’” 

 

Rosaline Goforth humbly shared that story at her own expense, to our benefit, and she went on to be used greatly of the Lord as she surrendered her tongue to Him.  Pastor’s wives:  Gracious women don’t snap and fight. 

 

3.   Gracious pastor’s wives are hard workers.

 

Not workaholics—for the “Marthas” out there who may be tempted to pounce on this point and create another “to do” list for themselves!  Proverbs 31 describes many qualities of the virtuous woman (which ought to describe the pastor’s wife as well).  One of them is that she “riseth also while it is yet night.”  She works hard enough to be able to provide assistance for her servants, the poor, and her own family. 

 

I remember many years ago hearing of a pastor’s wife who admitted to her church friends that she just could not bring herself to get out of bed before 11:00 in the morning.  It was her custom to retire in the early morning hours, and then to rise around lunch time. 

 

The Bible commands congregants to bestow “double honor” upon their pastor, but that can be challenging when laziness has crept into the parsonage.  Most lay people must get up before dawn in order to have time with the Lord and then leave for work by 6:30 or 7:00 each workday.  They sacrifice sleep and energy in order to be faithful to evening services, Saturday workdays, and special meetings.  A gracious pastor’s wife works hard at being a good steward of her time and does not allow laziness to become a stumbling block to those around her. 

 

Am I a Soldier of the Cross?

 

(verse 2)

Must I be carried to the skies

On flowery beds of ease,

While others fought to win the prize,

And sailed through bloody seas? 

 

The hymn writer is not intending to convey here that heaven is obtained by human work or effort.  Ephesians 2:8 – 9 make it clear that salvation is “not by works of righteousness which we have done.”  But the Christian life down here is a battle. In our own generation, we work alongside servants of God whose ministry is fraught with persecution, intense labor, and severe cost.  Have we as Americans succumbed to the faulty thinking that we somehow signed up for a “low cost” ministry? 

 

4.   Gracious pastor’s wives are joyful. 

 

Joyfulness is what makes Christianity believable.  It’s one of the first ways that God’s power is recognizable in our lives.   Many times lay people come to church carrying enormous sorrows, hidden underneath friendly handshakes and smiles.  Inwardly, they are grieving the painful choices of rebellious children, frightening  illnesses, broken marriages, and crushing financial burdens.  And from their seat in the pew, they watch quietly.  Do they see a pastor’s wife who has found the Lord to be her source of joy, even on a day when attendance is down, people have been critical, and the offering is meager?  Or do they see frustration and tension on our faces from a busy week of homeschooling?  Do they hear anger in our voices, when we correct the rowdy kids in the front row?  The joy of the Lord is what strengthens us—and what offers hope to those who come to us with their wide array of puzzling and intimidating trials. 

 

5.  Gracious pastor’s wives love well. 

 

As others have pointed out—“love” is a verb.  It’s easy to say that we love people, but our actions betray our hearts. 

 

Love difficult people.  The book of Matthew calls them “enemies.”  Do my enemies know that I love them?  My dog, Tippy, naturally likes nice people.  As Christians, we have Jesus’ power inside of us to love enemies.  I was once an enemy of God, and Jesus loved me while I was a sinner.

 

Love the unlovely.  One of the most challenging jobs God ever gave me was to help to clean an apartment that had been infested with roaches.  The walls and curtains were blanketed with crawling bugs.  The refrigerator and freezer were lined with dead roaches that had tried to escape the cold temperatures by crawling out of the packaged food.  Even the books were filled with cockroaches, dozens of them pinned between the pages.  The cupboards were sticky with the residue of years of infestation.  In the end, God did a much greater work in my own heart than what I was able to accomplish in that sad apartment.  He exposed how repulsed I was by the unlovely; how very selfish and self-righteous I was when I was allowed to compare myself to the dweller of that apartment.  He showed me how quickly I could resent that person for letting things get that bad, and how much I thought I deserved to be thanked for my efforts.  My heart was even uglier than the walls of cockroaches I had just tried to clean. 

 

Love the forgotten.  I am still touched by a photograph I once saw of Elisabeth Elliot, the missionary to Ecuador whose husband was murdered by savages in 1956.  Before flying back to the United States, Elisabeth stopped at a remote village to inform the Christians there that her husband had gone to heaven.  A Life Magazine photographer caught an image of Elisabeth sadly saying goodbye from her car, while the Indian women openly wept and crowded around the window.  They were a poor, forgotten, woebegone little band—missing teeth and dressed in rags, hair hanging unkempt around their lonely faces.  Forgotten by the rest of the world, they were loved by the Elliots, and Jim Elliot’s death grieved them sorely.  That photograph speaks volumes to me.  When I go to heaven, I want to be missed by the forgotten people. 

 

 

The Apostle Paul said, “And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry.”   Amen! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Neglected Weapon

Darkness steals across the landscape, creating a black velvet curtain between the forest and the lighted kitchen where a family sits around a dinner table.  Two parents and their tiny children enjoy each other’s company on a clear night, while their laughter bounces outside in muted yet recognizable tones to the visitor who waits at the edge of the woods, watching carefully for any signs of life that might venture outside the protection of those walls and doors.  Flimsy screens serve as the only physical barrier to guard the little family from the disaster waiting to pounce out from the brush.  But lions are patient . . . 

 

We have an enemy.  While most of us spend very little time thinking about him, he thinks about us every day.  Like a “roaring lion, he walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”  ( I Peter 5:8)  He has menu choices.  Not everyone makes suitable devouring.  Watching his prey carefully, he will pick wisely.  His time will not be spent in vain. 

 

Peter, whose words are quoted here, knew about this lion.  As a young disciple of Christ, he once allowed this enemy to speak through him.  Jesus “turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offense unto me:  for thou savorest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.”  Later, the lion’s roar was heard when Peter slept through his final prayer meeting with Jesus, hours before the crucifixion.  Is it any wonder Peter denied Christ, even swearing for emphasis at the inquisitive little maid, just hours after his lost opportunity to pray in the garden was spent sleeping? 

The very first adjective used in the Bible for our enemy is “subtil” (or subtle, in our current usage).  He is a master of deceit, a quiet enemy, whose mission is rarely discovered before there has been loss, whose roar is rarely heard until there has been disaster. 

 

The biggest problem today among Christians is not that we don’t believe in heaven, or hell, or God.  We believe.  Our problem is that, for all practical purposes, we have stopped believing there is an enemy.  The church sleeps, and a lion rocks the cradle. 

 

We have a weapon against this enemy, but many families and churches laid down arms years ago.  After all—if there is no enemy, why build up an arsenal?  What trouble it is to sacrifice for a disaster that will never strike!  Like buying flood insurance at the top of Mt. Everest, or building to hurricane code in Illinois—such a waste. 

 

And so mid-week prayer meetings shrink, until churches eventually cancel them completely.  Families stop praying together.  Couples spend more time online than on their knees.  Little by little, even the flimsiest of window coverings fall apart, until the reach of that lion to the precious family inside is no longer barred even by small strips of cheap wire.  Curtains flutter outside the window casings, announcing to the enemy that at last, his time has come.  His patience has paid off.  He will eat tonight.   

 

Someone has said, “A day begun without prayer is a boast against God.”  How many days have we begun with that boast—haughty little Christians we, shaking our tiny fist at our Creator as our enemy chuckles from the forest.  We can do it ourselves!  The arm of flesh is strong!  We don’t need God. 

 

The Christian life spent without prayer is practical humanism.  We say we believe in a God Who can part waters and spin planets, but we raise our children without His supernatural help.  We claim to trust in a God Who splashed a wet altar with consuming fire; Who made time stand still; Who stood water on end—but we operate our churches without His wisdom and power.  How much of our Christian lives is spent in the power of the flesh, toiling miserably against the forces of evil without ever asking for God’s blessing, without seeking His pleasure, and without even noticing He was missing.   We have programs, concerts, and activities; applause and man’s approval; technology and wealth—but no God, no power, no protection. 

 

Overconfidence may be the chiefest weapon of our enemy.  Without lifting a finger, he robs us of our desire to pray, to seek fellowship with other Christians, and to know the God we claim to serve.  Comfort has become our foe.  Prayer is work, and it runs counter to our craving for pleasure, self-congratulation, and activity. 

 

You are the Christian you choose to be.  Choose, by the power of God, to be a praying Christian.  You have an enemy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoying Our Children

In my parents’ photo album from 1974 is a fading picture  of my mother holding my baby brother and me.  I think it must have been Brian’s first birthday, and whoever took the picture (probably my dad) caught Mom in the middle of laughing.  It was always my favorite picture as I was growing up.  Most of our other pictures were actually taken by Mom, so she doesn’t make very many cameo appearances into our albums.  And even then, like most families, we tended to stop and smile for the camera instead of catching people in the middle of laughing at a funny event. 

 

My early reaction to that picture teaches me how much my kids long to be enjoyed.  I loved seeing my mom having so much fun with us.   Of all the responsibilities that we have with our children, and all of the life-lessons we find ourselves working on while the precious years seem to grow wings and fly away, one of the most important and most overlooked is the value of enjoying our children.  Kids yearn to be enjoyed.  They like to be around people who seem to appreciate their personalities and funny little quirks, people who aren’t constantly embarrassed when they act like normal children.  As our children grow older, they will someday find their way back to the people who actually liked them.  Clean carpets, hot dinners, and signed homework papers tell only part of the story of our parenting.  Do you really like your kids?  Do you enjoy their company?  And do they know it?

 

In the busy pace of our lives, many times this can seem like an option rather than a mandate.  We work so hard to keep food on the table, insurance bills paid, and braces on teeth.  We need to hurry up and get the yard done before company comes, and then we have projects around the house before the weather turns cold.  Before we know it, the seasons have clipped by, each with their own demands, and our children grow up without that picture in their mind of a mom laughing in a bear hug with the baby on her lap and a little girl admiring her smile.  Is there any way to capture the moments more carefully, so that our children feel cherished? 

 

1.  Be deliberate with gifts. 

 

It is easy to shower our children with things, until their shelves and closets are overflowing with “stuff” that will soon finds its way into a garage sale or a Goodwill donation box. 

 

Several years ago, we made a decision to give our kids the option of having an activity with us rather than tangible gifts for their birthday.  Since they had already received gifts for their birthday up until that point and might be looking forward to opening presents, we left it optional. But most of our kids have happily chosen activities over gifts. 

 

What we discovered was that we often needed that extra incentive to make the commitment of time and money for creative family adventures.  We are busy—often maddeningly so.  Jason works a regular bus route, in addition to pastoring a small church.  During the school year, it is not uncommon for him to work 70 hours a week of bus and ministry work.  Truthfully, we do not have the time or money for trips to the zoo, Cardinals games, archery ranges, the Science Center, or an all-day adventure on an eight-man raft down the Merrimac.  But the memories we have made--when we did things we didn’t have time for and found ways to sacrifice and pay for them!  Whatever toys we would have bought our kids five years ago would probably be in a Salvation Army by now, but instead we have the bond of shared memories together.

 

2. Catch time alone with your kids in small segments. 

 

Before we had any children, we used to talk about the fun things we would do with our kids.  I remember envisioning “daddy dates” and time alone with our children, just enjoying them.  Within a few short years, we were having new babies almost every other year!  Our exhaustion and our schedule made those dreams seem unrealistic.  Every trip to the store had an urgent purpose, and free time was usually spent catching a coveted rest until the baby woke up for a feeding.  Magazine articles about mothers who took their daughters on weekends away to a hotel, or stories about father-son camping excursions seemed frustratingly out of our reach. 

It was at that season of our lives that we invented what seemed ridiculously simple.  It was desperate attempt at catching minutes with our kids alone.  We named it “Ten Minutes,” and the simplistic name is self-explanatory.  Our older children were all at elementary age then, and they were learning how to wash the dishes. Each day of the school week, one of the older five was assigned to help with dishes.  Whoever was on dishes duty was privileged to get ten minutes of staying up later than the other kids and playing any game or reading any book they wanted with Dad and Mom.  We still laugh about all the times Jessica made us put together her Strawberry Shortcake puzzle—week, after week, after week.  Stories, Uno, Stratego, Junior Monopoly—they all made their way into our “Ten Minutes” arsenal.  As the kids grew, the ten minutes seemed to morph into 20 and 30.  But by then we didn’t care, because we realized how quickly time was fleeting. 

 

As the kids got older, “Ten Minutes” faded away.  They started staying up as late as we did (sometimes later), and the privilege of playing “Sorry!” at 8:30 had lost some of its luster.  Now we are working to recreate it with our younger boys.   When else do you play darts with your eleven-year-old?  There is always something that seems more important.  And suddenly, the kids are all grown up, and we realize that there really was nothing more important on those nights than catching the minutes—even just ten of them--before they slipped by.   

 

3.  Eat together as a family.

 

Every family schedule is different, and the Lord will have to show you when and how often to make this happen.  But sitting around a table fellowshipping is golden.  The dinner hour is often a “debriefing.”  Life throws some pretty crazy curveballs at us.  Our kids need a place to tell their stories and to gain perspective on things they have seen, heard, and felt throughout the day.  Some days it just feels better to sit and laugh about the events that transpired.  Meal times teach our children how to behave at a dinner table and how to be thankful for everything they are given.  Since I lean pretty heavily on my “dishes chart,” we often ask whoever is doing dishes that night to also help with preparing supper.  Additionally, the person who does Friday dishes has a special treat:  That’s the only night we make dessert, and they get to choose it, prepare it, and (of course) lick out the bowl.  “Friday dishes” is a coveted position around here! 

 

4.  Let your kids participate in family devotions. 

 

Whatever name you choose for your family Bible time, be sure that it’s not just a Lecture Series where the parents do all the talking.  Jason usually reads the Bible, and then he asks our kids to take turns reading a short article or chapter about missions.  We also keep a prayer list of names of our family, church members, and ministries to pray for regularly.  Jason will often assign a prayer request for each person to remember.  Josh always asks to pray for his favorite cousin—although we have had to cut our prayer time short a few times because everyone was laughing about whatever Josh decided to pray.  (Josh should probably have to pray last from now on!)

 

The other great benefit of having a family worship hour is that it’s a great opportunity to teach our kids how to think.  Many kids growing up in Christian homes know what to think, but not how.  Where does the Bible specifically say that it’s wrong to use cursing and profanity?  Why should Christians marry other Christians?  How do you know what God wants you to do someday with your life?  Examining social issues and current events from a Biblical perspective is good for our kids, too.  Does the Bible have anything to say about what happened in Ferguson, Missouri last week?  What if you were a Christian living in Syria right now, and you were threatened with your life for not converting to Islam?  Family conversations about the Bible remind our children that the Bible isn’t just an old Book; it’s a very relevant, current, and living Book.    

 

5.  Save time for relationships by encouraging independence. 

 

One of the reasons we moms sometimes do not have much time to be with our kids is that we are simply doing too much for them.  There are several important benefits to encouraging independence in our children.

 

First, it teaches children to value the work of others.  People who have not had to work hard for themselves rarely appreciate the work that others do for them.  It seems that it is often the hardest working people I know who are quick to say, “I don’t want to take much of your time on the phone today,” or who stop to thank me for some effort.  They value work because they know the cost personally. 

 

Secondly, independence teaches personal responsibility.   About a year ago, I came to the conclusion that although laundry is time-consuming, it really is not hard.  Therefore, it is not unreasonable to ask a ten-year-old (or his older siblings) to do laundry.  And that day, our kids inherited the job of doing their own laundry.  To be honest, I don’t really think about my kids’ laundry any more.  Every few days, I notice someone lugging their laundry bag over to the washer to wash their clothes, but it’s not my job any more.  I don’t keep track of it.  In fact, when we went to my parents’ house this summer and spent four days with my family (23 people under one roof!), a pair of unclaimed boys’ underwear showed up in the bathroom.  Someone asked if it belonged to one of my boys, but I said I had not seen it before.  Turns out, it was ours!  It had come in a bag of hand-me-downs along the way, and because I couldn’t remember ever washing it, I didn’t recognize it! 

 

My kids will tell you that laundry is not that much work when it’s just one load.  They pay closer attention to stains, and they do not change clothes every ten minutes like they used to!  J   Are you wearing yourself out working for your kids? 

 

Thirdly, independence is empowering.  Raising children with unnecessary dependence on their parents is selfish.  We mothers can find great fulfillment in meeting our children’s every need, but when our fulfillment strangles our children’s ability to grow, learn, and achieve, then we are living for ourselves.  Whether we like to admit it or not, our children are secretly much more interested in showing us what they can do than hearing about all the things that we can do for them.  Have you ever heard an adult bragging to a group of kids about how terrific they were (twenty-five years ago) at sports, music, school, or some other achievement?  The kids listen with a bored and barely tolerant expression.  All they want to do is get ahold of that football and see if they can throw it to the other side of the yard too.  We need to use our strengths to strengthen the ones coming behind us, not to clutch our trophies and force ourselves back into the limelight. 

 

6.  Beware of the Time Snatchers. 

 

I confess that I have never watched “Revenge of the Body Snatchers,” but I have had way too much experience with Time Snatchers.  Here’s the problem with Time Snatchers:  When someone or something steals my time, they are often stealing from my children. 

 

Sometimes people just don’t realize how much they are asking.  If we are less than honest about our time constraints or the promises we have made to our children, we are enabling someone else to encroach on time that rightfully belongs to our kids.  It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to please other people.  But remember:  When we give to others more than the Lord has asked us to give, we often are borrowing from our children’s Time Account.  And it’s very, very hard to pay that account back. 

 

Sometimes in ministry, there is the added temptation to give away our family time too freely because we are consumed with the needs of others.  We are deceived into thinking that we can afford to ignore our family’s needs while helping others.  I think most pastors’ families are much like ours—constantly surrounded by pressing needs.  It is easy for people who are not involved in ministry to underestimate how much their pastor is doing.  They want his attention, or his family’s attention, not realizing how crunched a pastor is for time and rest.  Those who serve faithfully alongside the pastor don’t have this false expectation.  They see him on Wednesday evening, at fellowships, and in other areas of service.  But for those who don’t understand this dilemma, sometimes we just have to be honest and gently say no. 

 

But it’s not just people, is it?  “Time Snatchers” can be things—hobbies, books, talking on the phone, Facebook, Pinterest, and shopping.  It’s hard to enjoy our children when we allow ourselves to feel distracted all the time.  Parenting takes energy and creativity.

I remember when Jonathan was a preschooler, playing in the backyard.  He was always coming to ask me to play with him.  He wanted to show me his castle in the sandbox, or a toad, or a how fast he could run.  It seemed that every day I was saying, “Just a minute.  Let me get this done first.”  And then the time would fast-forward, while I washed dishes, changed diapers, and sorted laundry.  One day as I gave Jonathan my usual answer, the Lord pricked my heart with a most painful reminder, “Someday he will stop asking.”  

 

And yours will too.  Enjoy them now.  Go out to the sandbox.  Laugh at their funny stories.  Make a fort, and eat dry cereal under the kitchen table.  Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and get off Facebook.  Don’t get a babysitter every time you go to the grocery store.  Let them stir the bowl, and set out the napkins, and push the button that makes the dryer start.  Let them into your life. 

 

A visiting evangelist once advised me, as my 6-year-old son followed him around all week chattering non-stop, “Listen to them now, and they will listen to you later.”  Great advice.