Simple Simon

As a mother, I am horrified by the Ashley Madison story, as I’m sure is every other mom out there.  400 pastors resigning?  32 millions accounts—including one of the most famous homeschoolers in America?  It’s impossible to sift through all the damage that has been done and find a direct cause and effect among that many tragedies.  But we do well to stop and analyze ourselves instead in the wake of such a scandal.  “If ye would judge yourselves, ye would not be judged,” Jesus said.  Is there some way we as mothers can empower our sons to withstand the fiery darts of the devil?

 

The story of the Simple Man in Proverbs 7 sheds some light.  Although this is the story of an adulterous woman, the word “lust” never actually shows up in Proverbs 7.  In fact, other than knowing that the harlot is dressed in attire to attract the wrong kind of ambitions, we know very little else about the mindset of the man she conquers. 

 

Except for one thing:  That he is simple. 

 

What lies does the Simple Man believe?  And how can we avoid teaching those lies to our sons, long before any harlot shows up?  Verse five lumps them together as “flattery.”  Listen to the lies: 

 

The Simple Man starts by believing too much good about himself.  It’s impossible to be humble and flattered at the same time.   The harlot appeals to pride by pretending that the Simple Man is “special,” that he is better than the rest of the men.  “Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.”  She wants him, he believes, and singles him out for his attractive qualities.  Actually, she singles him out because he is a fool who can easily be caught.  And when she is done with him, she will move on to the next one.   

 

It’s actually an easy lie to teach.  Giving high school P.E. credits in homeschool for “playing the Wii”; letting a child get away with cheating—in a public school classroom or taking a quiz at the kitchen table; granting special privileges to a child just because he is the pastor’s kid, or because he is rich, or because he is athletic; rewarding children with too much praise for too little effort:  The flattery is subtle.  And ruinous.  It is terribly unhelpful to let children grow up feeling “more special” than everyone else. 

 

Secondly, the Simple Man does not understand consequences.  “He goeth after her straightway . . . and knoweth not that it is for his life . . .”  He thinks this is a one-night event.  Somewhere along the way, he has stopped believing in consequences.  He still believes his internet history can be cleared without a trace.  He believes he is smarter than the wife, parents, children, or employer who might be alarmed to discover what he is doing.  Maybe he even believes he can talk his way out of the outrage he deserves, should he ever get caught. 

 

It is dangerous to let children grow up believing that “rules are for other people.”   Yes, make that child return the money he stole, with a contrite apology.  Make him clean up the mess he and his friends just created by throwing crab-apples into someone else’s yard.  Don’t argue with the teacher when your child can’t go on the field trip because his grades were too poor or because he didn’t follow directions.  And when the kids at school or church don’t like him because he is a bully, or a whiner, or a thief, stop expecting other parents and teachers to force friendships where common sense has produced necessary loneliness.  All kids are sinners.  Even compliant children are eventually faced with their own depravity, and when that happens—do you sweep it under the rug, teaching your child to expect special favors in life because he is “nice” and “cute”?  That flattery works ruin—sometimes many years after the original event has been forgotten. 

 

I have a phrase I use all the time at church with the kids in my class.  Some of them come from homes where rules are flexible and consequences are negotiable, where adults are easily manipulated with tears and persistent arguing.  So I tell them, “I don’t change my mind.”   And then I don’t.  J  (They catch on pretty quickly.)  Don’t let his manager at McDonald’s be the first “wall” he ever met.   Consequences are much easier to teach to small children than big ones.

 

Finally, the Simple Man believes he can be satisfied while disrespecting a woman and her vows.  “Let us take our fill of love,” she whispers. “The goodman is not at home.”  Fill?  The pornography industry thrives because there is no fill.  It’s a bottomless pit, all the while destroying the appetite of once-normal people until they can no longer even appreciate the natural gifts God has given humanity.  “Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”   Pornography fosters flattery, deceiving men that they somehow deserve what the harlots are selling.  And the ruin of pornography is a form of death—quietly killing natural desire and destroying trust and character. 

 

King Solomon was taught what kind of woman to pursue—from his mother, Bathsheba, in Proverbs 31.  Bathsheba makes an intriguing Bible character to study.  She makes her debut into Bible history with the tragedy of adultery and the subsequent murder of her first husband, Uriah.  But from there, thanks to genuine repentance, she is actually regarded as a protagonist.  She raised a good man (Solomon), who was given the great privilege of reigning over Israel and eventually building God’s temple.  And in a remarkable tribute to the grace of God, she is found in the geneology of Jesus Christ.

 

What fascinates me most about Bathsheba, though, is what she taught Solomon about women.  Through illustrations in Proverbs 31:10 - 31, she sets Solomon on course to find a woman of virtue, loyalty, goodness, hard work, discernment, initiative, generosity, financial acumen, foresight, strength, thoroughness, compassion, courage, creativity, and honor!  Bathsheba, who once attracted the attention of King David by taking a bath on top of her roof, sets Solomon on course to find the inner beauty of a godly wife.  The woman who surely still felt the sting of old grief over the death of Solomon’s older brother (due to chastisement from God) finishes her essay with this finale:  “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain:  But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”  Look at the heart, Solomon.  Look at her heart. 

 

Moms, like Bathsheba, we can empower our sons to courageously face the deceit of pornography by training their eyes toward the heart.  Pornography is a respect problem.  We protect our sons from the lie of disrespect by cultivating in them an appreciation for the women in their lives and calling out of them a sense of honor and protection, not debate, pride, and harm. Allowing our sons to belittle and disrespect us sets them up to disrespect the other women in their lives as well. 

 

Years ago, I was talking with a mom when her son happened to come in from playing basketball with my kids.  She asked him to keep an eye on his younger brother, but instead he shouted back angrily and slammed the door on his way out.  She shrugged in defeat and continued her conversation.  Mom, it’s not just about how they treat us!  The way we allow our sons to treat us will be what they expect to dish out to their wives someday.

 

We don’t have to raise a generation of Simple Simons.