Time-saving Strategies for Busy Moms

When I was younger, I used to think that air was limitless.  People who suffer from asthma know better, having felt the unforgettable panic of “oxygen starvation.”  In similar fashion, most of us go through our youth thinking that “time” comes in limitless supply as well, like the air that comes free at gas stations.  We wish it away, watching school clocks plod one second at a time to that magic dismissal.  We count the seconds it takes for five minutes to pass on a road trip, and we make chains to pass the time before Christmas more “efficiently.”

 

And then suddenly, we are middle aged.  The mirror announces that time has been tricking us all along, pretending to be slow-as-molasses when she was really wearing waxed skates.   We look back on entire decades with the same glance we once cast in remembering last summer or the previous school year.  1993?  Why, that was just . . . twenty-two years ago!  Time is now a precious commodity, one to be valued and counted out carefully, like pennies during a recession.  Seconds and minutes matter now. 

 

For those of us who homeschool and add dozens of other responsibilities on top of that, saving those seconds is as valuable as cutting out 40-cent coupons.  Seconds and pennies both add up.  Let me share with you a few of my strategies for saving seconds. 

 

1.  Expect first-time obedience from your kids early on. 

 

Begging a child to eat his banana or arguing about bath time is, among many other things, a waste of time.  Ideally, this training ought to begin before the age of one, when your commands are as simple as requiring him to comply for a diaper change or to lie down in his own bed for naptime.  When the child disobeys (and believe me when I tell you that they all disobey at first), they need a spanking.  I can safely blog that, since spanking is still legal almost everywhere in the U.S.  (If it’s not legal where you live, ask God for wisdom.  My blog is directed to those who have that legal right.)  I’m certainly not promoting child abuse against toddlers, but a simple spanking from a loving mom will set you up as the authority who needs to be obeyed and respected.  And it will save you lots of time and emotional energy when your demands graduate to homework, chores, and curfews.  I am convinced that the number one mistake of first-time parents (and I include our own rookie years here too) is not expecting first-time obedience.  If even puppies are expected to learn to obey simple commands with one word, on the first call, every single time, our kids really can get this.  J  

 

2.  Delegate as much as possible.   

 

Do you know the feeling you get when you discover a generous coupon—unused and now expired, sitting in your stack of papers?  Ugh.  We spent $2 of our own money at the grocery store, when we could have had it free!  Time is money too.  Are you using all your “coupons,” or are you letting them expire?   Mom doesn’t need to be spending all her precious time picking up toys, wiping down the bathroom sink each morning, or emptying all the trash. Those are great jobs for the “littles.”  Set aside perfectionism and turn over the simple jobs to the under-20 crowd.  

 

The key to delegation is two-fold:  Simple and specific.  Most of us are not very good at retaining more than three steps to a process.  Keep it basic.  

 

3.  Learn the value of that five-letter word:  “While.”  

 

For me, that means getting that washer going as early in the day as possible, so it’s working for me while we’re eating breakfast; or giving a spelling test while washing dishes.  Review quiz questions while folding clothes.  You can’t spend the same dollar twice, economists tell us—but you can spend the same second twice by capitalizing on ways to conquer two tasks at once.

 

4.  Stop caring about things that don’t matter. 

 

Unmatched socks or unfolded pajamas stuffed into teenagers’ dresser drawers; old candles, rubber bands, a few stray Christmas tree ornaments,  and unidentified keys lying in close proximity in some random junk drawer.   My OCD friends are probably having trouble breathing right about now, but lean closer, so you can hear me whisper where no one else can hear me:  It doesn’t matter.  There really are some things not worth your time and energy.  If your kids can look presentable in clean, unwrinkled clothes each day, then I won’t tell anyone you haven’t been doing underwear drawer checks.  (And don’t you tell anyone I haven’t either.)    

 

5.  Develop parameters to keep from becoming a slave to your electronics. 

 

Even though I’m a pastor’s wife, I don’t answer the phone during school hours.  If there’s an emergency, everyone we know has my husband’s cell phone, or they can leave a message on the home answering machine. 

 

When I was growing up, we wrote letters—you know, with pens, paper, envelopes—stuff like that.  The average turn-around time for a letter-and-reply was at least two weeks.  Nowadays, with texting, the average turn-around time for message-and-reply is about one minute.  Younger moms who have grown up with texting and Facebooking may find that they need to put their electronics where they don’t hear the notifications every time someone "likes” a Facebook photo or wants to send that infamous text:  “Call me.”  J  Free yourself up and save some time.  Re-adjust your friends’ expectations if they are used to getting a reply back within 30 seconds. 

 

The TV can be a real time waster, too.  Unless there is a national emergency, it’s not usually a good idea to start the day with the TV on.  We get drawn in so easily to human-interest stories that disguise themselves as “news.”  Every hour of TV offers at least 15 minutes of commercials.  None of us have that kind of time! 

 

6.  Discover “auto pilot.” 

 

It’s OK to eat the same food on a regular basis.  Creativity takes time and energy.  If your time is at a premium, as mine is, then you may have to save your “Martha Stewart” meals for later, when you have the time to purchase specialty ingredients and can afford to experiment.  Routines in meals, chores, homeschool classes, and household maintenance save us the time and energy of having to make constant decisions. 

 

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The Apostle Paul exhorts us to be “redeeming the time because the days are evil.”  Time is money; money is time.   Choose carefully how you spend both! 

 

 

 

The View from the Summit: Thoughts on Homeschooling

They’re graduating this spring—my two little “guinea pigs” who ushered this novice mom into the intimidating world of “homeschooling.”  We started our journey two weeks before 9-11, playing numbers-and-hopping games in the driveway before we heard the awful news that broke our hearts and shook our secure little world.  From there, we gingerly waded through spelling tests and math homework, a semester of Christian school, and then eight more years of flash cards and phonics drills, state capitals and presidential history ringing out in the basement of the parsonage.  We switched school rooms three times before landing on a successful location--and even after we landed on our favorite school room, we managed to rearrange and reorganize almost every school year since.  Several tons of notebook paper, a few science fair projects, and a bushel of ballpoint pens later, the twins now study independently through DVD school, self-prepping for their ACT through an online diagnostic site.  Whew!!  We have come a LONG way from hopping in the driveway! 

                                                                                                              

And you will too, new homeschool mom.  It won’t always be “today.”  The fat pencils will someday defer to a lap top or a tablet, and the “Way to Go!” stickers will eventually fall out of style.  If you could join me for a day at the summit of this incredible adventure, what would you see from the top looking back at the jagged, sometimes treacherous path that you are still climbing?  Let me tell you what you would see:

 

1.  Your relationship with your child will be the thing he remembers most about his education. 

 

Science quizzes, book reports, and handwriting tests are all important and can seem overwhelming in the day-to-day crunch, but most of the tests and quizzes themselves will be forgotten.  I promise.  What will not be forgotten is a kind word on a frustrating day; a cheerful mom when the gray, dull January kept everyone indoors; a surprise treat of Valentine M & M’s in the middle of the morning.  Unfortunately, our memories fill up as well with angry words, harsh expectations, and unfair comparisons.  My view from the summit reveals days I wish I could erase.  But life doesn’t come with an eraser.  So, new homeschool mom, just learn from my mistakes:  Never sacrifice your relationship on the altar of false expectation.  I’m thankful for forgiving kids. 

 

2.  You are more important than your curriculum.

 

I remember, many years ago, speaking at a ladies’ banquet when a homeschool mom I didn’t know approached me afterwards to talk “homeschool.”  She mostly wanted to talk “curriculum.”  She wanted to sell me on a particular style (and publisher).   I don’t fault her for loving her curriculum.  There are many choices nowadays, and it is always beneficial to a child if his parents are willing to be 100% supportive of the curriculum or learning style they have chosen.  But it’s not something to debate, and I respect other choices.

 

What curriculum did you use growing up?  The truth is, most of us got an eclectic assortment of lots of different things.  Some of the curriculum sources we used are probably out of business by now—replaced long ago with something “better.”  How did we ever make it in life?  How did kids from Kenya or Haiti end up at Christian colleges with us?  The answer:  Somewhere along the way, we had at least a few good teachers.  Remember, curriculum is a tool, not a magician.  Any curriculum (even those I don’t particularly endorse), in the hands of a plucky and undeterred teacher will produce impressive results.  The teacher, not the curriculum, is the real engine of every classroom. 

 

Curriculum cannot structure our homeschools or teach honesty, discipline, or respect.  They can’t initiate a discussion at the dinner table about the constitution, or point out an apostrophe error on a sign at the state fair.  That’s your job, Mom.  And you can do it.

 

3.  Watch for signals. 

 

Grades tell only part of a story—and sometimes, only a very small part.  The temptation of a new homeschool mom is to weigh too heavily on grades and to ignore other key signals.  Good grades can inflate a perception of “intelligence” (and thus reducing teachability), and poor grades can defeat a child who is simply facing other issues at the time. 

 

Frustration, yawning, boredom, distraction, and the absence of good discussion are all key signals—and they are usually gauging our methods, not our students.  Bored kids don’t need discipline; they need engagement.   

 

Knowledge is housed in a huge castle, with lots of doors.  As women, we tend to rely almost entirely on the door of “words” for entrance--but learning styles vary.  Which key works best for your child?  The answer may surprise you as it did me. Explore the world of auditory, visual, and kinesthetic learning, as well as the impact of dyslexia and right-brained/left-brained skill differences. 

 

4.  Beware of imposing your own limitations on your child. 

 

So you haven’t used Algebra today.  (Neither have I.)  And when it comes to decimals and percentages?  Bah humbug!  A little guesswork is really all it took me to figure out what 40% off of $19.99 was last night at Hobby Lobby.   

 

Unless . . .you are trying to figure out if you’ve been overcharged on a credit card that demands 12.4% interest.  Or what your mortgage payment should be.  Or what the 6% tax charge will be for a riding lawn mower. 

 

Helping our children to soar means to send them beyond our own limited experiences.  Foreign languages, computers, physical education, drama, art, music, and yes, even Algebra, may be more important in your child’s life than they were in yours.  Aim high.  Limited knowledge is a shackle. 

 

 

 

One of the first verses we taught the twins in homeschool came from Ecclesiastes.  I can still hear their chirpy little voices every morning, after we pledged allegiance to the flag and the Bible:  “And whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, DO IT with thy might!”  Amen!  Climb that mountain with courage, mom.  The view from the summit is amazing.

 

 

A Hundred Years from Now . . .

We are already nine days into 2015.  So, how are you coming along with your New Year’s resolutions?  The gyms are full, and our fridges are stocked with salads as we try to remedy the mistakes of 2014 with better health and fitness.  January is often a month of renewal as we use the stillness of a quiet schedule to reflect how our daily decisions affect the overall direction of our lives.

 

One area—in fact, the most important area--of our lives that is worthy of serious reflection is our spiritual welfare.  Jesus said, “What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?”  In today’s vernacular:  What shall it profit us, if we live healthy, productive, successful lives but forfeit the eternal significance of our existence? 

 

Our church often receives calls for assistance, and we are thankful for each opportunity to share Christ’s love with those in need—no matter how small our effort may seem.  We have a stipulation, though, for receiving assistance from our church:  You have to come to a service.  We don’t hand out hundred dollar bills on the street corner.  As I often tell the callers, “A hundred years from now, it will not matter to you that we provided a bag of groceries or helped you with this electric bill.  But it will matter to you that we shared the Gospel with you.”   The question lingers for each of us:  A hundred years from now, what choices will you wish you had made today? 

 

The answer to that is found in a simple phrase that will change your life:  “The daily presence of Christ.”  Too often, Christ is given weekend status.  He is a “Sunday God,” only to be shut back up into silence for the rest of the week.  Letting Christ rule our lives Monday – Saturday, and not just for a few hours on Sunday, will determine the choices we make.  And a hundred years from now, we will not be disappointed. 

 

There are several simple ways to let Christ’s presence rule our lives each day.  I hope these can be an encouragement to you.

 

1.  Study God’s Word each day. 

 

Whether you read through the entire Bible or just a few books this year, there is no such thing as “failure” if you are reading the Bible each day!  In teaching our own children how to study the Bible, Jason tells them to “find the verb.”  (The verb is the action part of a sentence.)  If you are struggling to understand the Bible, maybe it will help to start looking for the verb.  It will help you to find the meaning of each verse more quickly. 

 

2.  Take it to God.

 

 It is easy to get very self-absorbed, either by our perceived successes or our troubles.  Either way, the best way to sense the daily presence of Christ is to take everything to the Lord.  Give Him the credit when things go right; give Him the burden of fixing things when they don’t.   The apostle Paul said, “Pray without ceasing.”  We don’t live with our heads bowed and eyes closed, but we ought to live with a constant conversation in our hearts to the Lord.  When a parking space opens up just in time—thank the Lord!  When the bill is higher than expected—take it to the Lord!  Conversation with God helps us to recognize His daily presence with us. 

 

3.  Spend time with people who love the Lord. 

 

Most people think “church” = “sermon.”  But there is so much more to church than the message.  Hebrews 10:24 tells us that part of our purpose in attending church faithfully is to encourage other people.  Proverbs tells us that “iron sharpeneth iron.”  Christians who love the Lord and walk with Him have a way of sharpening the walk of those around them.  We spend much of our lives getting battered by the world and its unbiblical philosophy.  Time spent with Christians who have been in the Savior’s presence all week is a precious gift!  Value other Christians.  Value church attendance. 

 

4.  Make every decision count for the Lord.

 

We are faced with choices and ideas every day.  The internet is bulging with “human device,” most of it stemming from a worldview that runs counter to God’s view.  The question that rescues us from slipping into worldly thinking is this:  “Where is that in the Bible?”  Brimming with principles and illustrations, the Bible is our foundation.  Every idea we read, every blog we skim through, every venture we consider ought to be tempered with that question in the back of our minds:  “Where is this in the Bible?”   

 

Many online authors these days want to delve more into psychology than the Bible, as though the Bible is not practical for every day life.  The authors are missing something:   The Bible is practical.   When the Bible seems out of reach of my daily struggles, the problem isn’t with the Bible.  The problem is with the reader:  me.  God really does want to teach us how to raise children, how to keep our marriages thriving, and how to handle our money judiciously; and His instruction manual is the Bible.   The daily presence of Christ changes us when we give God His due platform:  a constant awareness of how His Word addresses our daily lives.   

 

Let Christ be the center of each day, and a hundred years from now, He will be the central story of your life. 

 

 

Our Triumph

Near our home here in rural Illinois, there is a shelter care for adults who find themselves in need of a place to live.  It was once a nursing home, but now most of the residents are simply adults of any age who are in desperate need of assistance—sometimes because of mental illnesses and disease, and sometimes from past mistakes that have robbed them of the ability to support themselves. 

For our December service, I found myself sitting by Gary.  Gary has lived at Mt. Gilead for as long as I have known him.  His youthful mannerisms and childish words disguise his real age (approaching sixty).  To most of us, Gary is four years old.  His favorite hobby is art—especially creating elaborate, detailed scribbles with as many colorful markers as he can obtain.  Gary suffered a brain injury as an infant, and this is who Gary has been for about fifty-five years.

 

During song time, we passed out the hymn books and watched to make sure everyone was able to find the right number.  But Gary didn’t want a hymn book.  Holding his head between his arms, as he often sits, he just shook his head.  “I can’t read.  I don’t need a book.”

 

As we sang, I noticed that--hymn book or not--Gary was singing.  His music was muted, as he sat with his face bent downward into his shirt, but he knew the words to the Christmas carol we were singing.  And it was his low, garbled words that caught my attention with irony: 

 

“Joyful, all ye nations rise,

  Join the triumph of the skies. . .” 

 

Triumph? What could Gary know of triumph?   Hardly a family member left on earth; trapped in a child’s mind and a frail, aging body; eyes closed and head encased in his arms as he sat rocking back and forth in his chair—the word was mocked by its own confused muttering.   Triumph seemed to have skipped Gary long ago. 

 

“Hark, the herald angels sing, ‘Glory to the newborn King!’”

 

Suddenly, sitting by Gary, the triumph of those skies was recaptured for me.  Because of that newborn King, Gary will someday be free of the handicap that has shackled him for almost six decades.  Our triumph-- not native to this old troubled earth, nor bound by human success and prosperity—comes only through Jesus Christ.  Greater than our sin or the sorrow that often dims our lives here on earth, Jesus Christ offers forgiveness and eternal life to those who choose to call on Him for salvation.  Because of that newborn King, the sufferings of this life are only temporary for me.  They will be conquered and forgotten.  Because of Jesus Christ, heaven is my real home.     

 

Jesus Christ is our triumph.   

 

And someday, with a new body and mind, Gary will understand exactly what that means. 

 

 

 

“Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.”  (II Corinthians 9:15)

 

The Gift of Being a Giver

I don’t know if she’ll be there tonight—my 83-year-old friend at church.  We have our annual Thanksgiving supper and praise service, and she has been shut in for about a month with health issues relating back to the two major cancer surgeries she had this year.  But she told me yesterday that she wanted to come tonight, and she even sent her daughter a chicken to “do something with” so she’d have a dish to bring.  She’s a giver.

        

My life is rich because of givers.  As a pastor’s wife, I can assure you that no pastor’s family could cultivate a healthy church ministry without the givers—the unsung heroes of ministry whose names are memorialized, not on plaques or marquees, but rather in the deeds of kindness they scatter everywhere.  Like Dorcas (Tabitha) of Acts, their works speak for them.   

 

Are you a giver in your church?  They are easy to spot, rare to find, and a treasure to keep.  If you aren’t a giver, maybe you can find encouragement from my 83-year-old cancer survivor and become one of those rare gems. 

 

1.  Givers notice other people.   

 

It’s easy to notice the problems in a church—the typos in the bulletin, the gaps in the ministry, the wayward notes from an inexperienced musician.  Givers notice people.  They view the people who share their pews as people with needs, and they seek to meet those needs.  Givers do not wait for someone to notice them.  They do the noticing. 

 

2.  Givers use the prayer sheet. 

 

Most churches have a prayer sheet or operate with a prayer chain—usually from their weekly prayer meeting.  Givers take diligent notice of the forgotten people—the shut-ins, the military, and the missionaries.  They pray for people they don’t know.  They pray for new requests, and they follow up on others.  Their prayers sheets are marked with dates and notations, folded carefully into a Bible where they will remember to pray for others each day. 

 

3.  Givers make contact with church attenders outside of church services.

 

While every pastor is thankful to have a healthy relationship with each of his church members and attenders, a truly healthy church is networked like a spider-web, with members reaching out to one another as well.  Givers make that happen.  A phone call to a missing member on Monday morning; a pot of soup to a shut in; a birthday card through the mail:  Givers find ways to reach beyond just a Sunday morning hand-shake.  If your only contact with your church family happens at a church service, you are missing a valuable opportunity to edify and encourage! 

 

4.  Givers give. 

 

They give their time—on a Saturday workday, or helping to clean up from a fellowship.  They give their money—tithing 10% of their income, and giving above that to offerings for missionaries.  They give their resources when special projects come along.  We recently collected ibuprofen for a missions trip to Haiti, and “givers” worked together to send almost 9,000 tablets to a needy village in Haiti!  I have observed the giving knows no financial bounds.  I watched last Sunday as one of our elderly widows folded a bill and tucked it into the missionary Christmas box.  Givers always have something to share. 

 

5.  Givers are dependable. 

 

My elderly friend who longs to be back serving has been such an example in this regard.  When she is able to drive herself to church, she comes early enough to welcome visitors.  She comes to every service.  She comes to our fellowships and watches to make sure newcomers have been greeted.  Givers are just . . . there.  When my friend is missing from a service, we usually realize it by about fifteen minutes prior to service time—since she surely would have been there by then. 

 

The demands on churches (and on their leadership) are extremely high.  People come to church with many expectations of what a church should be able to provide for them—financially, emotionally, socially, and of course, spiritually.  In many churches, those demands and expectations are placed on just a few shoulders. 

 

But to have one person who comes faithfully, ready to give: 

 

Givers are a gift.    

 

 

 

The Bait to Debate

I once watched an intriguing documentary about some members of the United States military who were being given a test.  The leader of each small group was assigned the task of helping his group through a difficult obstacle course.  What the leader (and his group) did not know was that the obstacle course was purposely designed for failure.  It was, scientifically, an impossible course.  The real test was not how well the small groups could build a bridge or navigate a difficult maze.  The test was how well the leader could keep his group unified through an impossible situation. 

 

Sounds kind of like life, doesn’t it?  Many of our trials down here are not the real “test.”  We are not really being tested on how clean we keep the house; how fast we can get ready for church; how much we know when asked a loaded question.  We are being tested on how well we respond to humiliating and impossible situations.

 

Of the situations that tend to be the “test behind the test”, one is in the area of debate.  Christians can differ on many areas—some of large consequence, others not so big.  As I’ve often shared here before, I love healthy debate because I think it helps to strengthen our logic.  Unfortunately, my selfish flesh also loves unhealthy debate--but the Holy Spirit is working on me there!  We are trying to help our own children learn how to avoid the “bait for debate” when the debate is of the unhealthy brand. 

There are three traps to avoid in debating.  Avoiding these traps can keep your blood pressure down, your testimony up, and better yet:  enable you to pass the real test! 

 

1.  Engaging in debates that are “too high” for me.

 

The internet has changed the way we relate to one another.  There are blessings—such as being able to post short videos for far-away grandparents to watch.  But, as one preacher has pointed out, one of the negative impacts is that young people are given an opportunity to engage in debate with their elders.  Almost every article, every Facebook post, every video has comments enabled, where teenagers can “school” their elders, often in ridiculing tones. 

 

The Bible instructs us not to rebuke an elder, but to entreat him as a father.  This verse is based on the assumption that we understand how fathers ought to be treated in the first place (Ephesians 6).   While there are situations in life that invariably place younger people over their aged elders (trying to coax an elderly grandparent to surrender a drivers’ license, for example), there is still an attitude of honor and respect that is often missing in today’s dialog.    

 

Another debate we can decline to attend is when the debate involves things that we have not fully studied.  It is very easy to quote excerpts from other people’s study and to adopt it as our own.  Kids sometimes like to argue by quoting things they have heard their parents say, even without understanding the real gist of the subject they are debating.  With just a little work and good listening skills, we all can be Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh.  While it is good for us to have a teachable spirit and to be educated by knowledgeable people, I am always thankful when someone gives credit to a source rather than claiming to own information they read on a blog just an hour earlier.  There is a difference between a debate and a book report. 

 

2.  Solidifying a weak position to avoid humbling myself.

 

Some people represent good positions, but they represent them so poorly that I am tempted to turn the opposite direction just to spite them.  Grandma would have calling that “cutting off your nose to spite your face.”  That sort of revenge is like a serrated boomerang.  It will accomplish its purpose but likely reach the wrong target:  Myself! 

 

I remember sitting in a Sunday school class as a teenager.  For a very short while, we had a teacher who was filling the position until the church could hire a youth pastor.  The man was annoying, arrogant, and tended to lure people into odd debates, although he had many areas of glaring weakness in his own life and in his unhappy, rebellious family.  It was no secret that the teenaged boys in our class resented him.  They loved engaging in his debates and arguing with him during the Sunday school hour.  There may have been a few times he was actually correct in his position, but I think most of us would have joined the communist party before we would have admitted that man was right on anything.

 

The world is full of arrogant and unkind people.  In our quest not to be controlled by them, let’s not be stupid just to prove a point.  Isn’t that the same as being controlled by them?  Niceness is not always a prerequisite for being “right.”  And sometimes strange people have obtained knowledge I could use.   I dismiss them at my own peril. 

 

3.  Failing the larger test. 

 

Remember, the debate itself is not always the real test.  How we handle people matters a great deal to God. 

 

I Corinthians 13:2 says, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.” 

 

The Bible is filled with references to the value of faith and knowledge—yet, without charity, we are nothing.  We may have the knowledge to win every debate, every time.  We may have the ability to understand difficult Bible passages, and we may always have the right answers.  But without charity, that knowledge is meaningless.  I am nothing. 

 

For those of us who would be tempted to enjoy racing out to meet conflict, the caution is clear:  Why, exactly, are you bringing this issue up?  Proverbs talks about the loving reproof of a true friend, but proud contention is destructive.   It is motivated by a desire to claim superiority and spirituality.   It ignores the beam in its own eye, while vigorously plucking at any little moat it can find in someone else’s eye. 

 

 

Proud debate seeks honor for self.  Charitable confrontation seeks honor for Christ alone.  May the Holy Spirit teach us to recognize the difference in our own lives!