When I first had my twins, I was often asked, "How do you get it all done?" Almost fifteen years and a total of six kids later, my answer has not actually changed: "I don't." And nobody else does either, I don't care what they say.
Having said that, a lot CAN get done, and I hope that I can encourage a young mom or two out there who may be struggling with how to motivate her work-crew to pitch in and do their part. And--since I doubt any of these ideas are actually original with me, thanks to my mom, mother-in-law, and all the pastor's wives and older moms who have shared their tips with me over the years!
Tip #1: Love work.
Seriously! Tom Sawyer was right. Our kids develop their attitude toward work (also called a "work ethic") by listening to us. If we resent dirty dishes, laundry stains, and weeds, our children will view them as punishment. Listen to the ladies at the nursing home--even the ones who are suffering from dementia and don't know where they are. They all reminisce about work. They don't share tales about the vacation to Italy, or all the Saturday mornings they slept in. They tell about how they had to carry their water, and the hot summer days of canning in a summer house, and the time the cows got out. They tell their stories with a smile, and from the edge of their beds they have a lesson for the rest of us: It's a privilege to have a healthy body that can still work. Never apologize to your children for making them work.
Tip #2: Small rewards.
We live in the Age of Entitlements, and kids get paid $10.00 for checking the mail. Giving a child an allowance, whether he has done a good job or not, is like offering paid vacations to eight-year-olds. Pay-per-job, if you decide to pay at all, but don't overestimate the paid worth of a child's labor. Those skinny little bodies that love to jump, climb, and run EVERYWHERE are built for work, not sitting. A small reward to say thanks and to keep it all fun is sufficient.
Tip #3: Scheduled jobs.
Everybody has a list. In our family, the lists alternate each week, so our kids rotate on a five-week schedule. Everybody gets their turn to fold, clean sinks, sweep the porch, wash dishes, etc. Predictability is stability. They learn to do a variety of jobs--and, like the weather--if you don't like your job, just wait a week!
Tip #4: Follow through.
A child is not "trained" completely in a job until he can do it unsupervised and be trusted to do it well. Until then, consider yourself a trainer. You have to follow up, check the work, and send him back again . . . and again . . . and again. If he consistently cannot get a particular job done well, then you have either overestimated his ability, or he has a serious character flaw that needs to be dealt with.
Tip #5: Make "yourself" the reward.
Your kids want to be with you, having fun. Offer incentives that allow your children to be with you for fun time, once their job is done. While independence is good and expected as children grow older, beware of constantly rewarding good behavior with isolation: video game time, TV time, a cell phone, etc. What about getting to stay up ten minutes later than everyone else, playing a game with mom and dad, if you're on dishes that day?
Tip #6: Develop volunteers.
Regular jobs require a draft, but what about those "extra" jobs? One way to train the kids to think of work as a privilege is to allow them to pick which job they want to do. Suddenly, it's a small luxury to do job #2 (organizing the pantry shelves), which was so much more fun than job #6 (changing the litter box). Make that to-do list really, really long, and the fun jobs will surface to the top like cream on fresh milk. :) Kids have an amazing radar for spotting the "fun" jobs. And isn't that really what we wanted all along--"fun" and "job" in the same sentence?
Tip #7: Genuine thanks.
Nobody wants to work all day, only to be told, "Well, it was about time you cleaned up that pigpen! I wonder how long it will take you to mess it back up again!" Why do adults think that will inspire children to work harder?? A simple "Thanks! Looks great!" would have done the trick. No gushy-gush, but just a sincere thank-you will teach them to do what is expected of them.
Tip #8: Real work.
Let children fill the biggest shoes they can. If they can use a screwdriver or even a drill, then give them simple repair tasks that require one. This reminds them that they are part of a team of workers, an army of ants, not just a decoration who needs jobs to keep him out of trouble.
Tip #9: Momentum.
How much can you clean up the house in 10 minutes--WAIT: I have to get my stop-watch ready. OK: Ready, get set, GO! Not all clean-up jobs need to take all morning. The laws of physics remind us that any object, no matter how light, travelling at a high enough rate of speed, can be lethal. And any group of kids, travelling at a high enough rate of speed, can do a LOT of cleaning up in a very, very short amount of time.
Tip #10: No perfectionism allowed.
Perfectionism stifles work and creativity, leaves children feeling unable to perform, and never resolves into genuine success. No one is ever good enough, no job is ever done, and no goal is ever truly accomplished. If your friends have a hang-up about a little dust on picture frames, too bad. Don't borrow their hang ups and make them yours. If they have time and money for therapy--Great! But you have bigger fish to fry. To my knowledge, no one has ever died yet because of dust or fingerprints. At least not in my house. But worry and stress kill people every year. Even after we have all done our best, and have worked hard, there will still be imperfections. Get over it. :)
Well, time for David and me to go organize the freezer (job #7, right under "Clean kitchen drawers). Happy cleaning!
Suggestions for jobs--
Some have asked what jobs to give children. For toddlers and preschoolers, the most important factor is you. They learn alongside you. Their job is whatever your job is: rinsing the dishes you wash, picking up the toys they just played with, being your helper. So that list will be pretty long--since our mommy lists are also quite long. :)
As for the scheduled lists--here are mine. This is by no means exhaustive. Others will have different jobs to add. I just started with a "Master List" of every job I could think of that I could afford to delegate and expect the kids to do reasonably well (taking into account that "practice makes perfect"). So here's just a suggested list. We rotate each week, and since we have five independent workers (Josh is still at the "mommy's helper" stage), that means a five-week rotation. My ultimate goal was to be able to say "Everyone do your jobs!" and to have a very clean-looking house within 20 minutes. For the most part, it does work--for surface cleaning, anyway.
"Red" block jobs: Dishes/kitchen clean up all day Monday (sweep the floor, wash dishes, clear table, wash surfaces). Also, dishes for Saturday breakfast. Bathroom sink each morning, empty bathroom trash each morning, do all windows and mirrors each day.
"White" block jobs: Tuesday kitchen/dish duty all day (same as above). Also, dishes/kitchen for Saturday lunch. Folding just the socks for each laundry load. Vacuuming the living room each morning.
"Yellow" block jobs: Wednesday kitchen/dish duty all day. Also, dishes/kitchen for Saturday supper. Folding laundry (this person gets to "make the piles"--and the "green" person gets to pick which pile they each fold). Dusting living room twice a week.
"Green" block jobs: Thursday kitchen/dishes duty all day. Folding laundry (this person gets to be the first to choose which pile of laundry he wants to fold--saves arguments). Sweep porch and deck each morning.
"Blue" block jobs: Friday kitchen/dishes duty all day. Sweep bathroom floor and wipe toilet (supposed to be daily--my follow-through is lacking on this one).
Also, each child has to make his own bed and clean up his room each morning. Nathan and David also alternate on feeding the outdoor pets. On Saturdays I add one or two extra bigger jobs to their lists: cleaning the garage, straightening the school room and/or basement, washing the van, organizing a shelf or area that has gotten cluttered, etc. That is where my huge list comes in handy, where they get to sign up for two jobs of their choice. When things get really busy and out of hand and we need a major straightening up, for fun, sometimes I line the kids up and let them each choose a room in the house to clean well.
Just some ideas--nothing but a springboard. Hope it gets your imagination working! :)
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