But despite those shortcomings, maybe some of our adventures and failures in the last 10 years might offer some encouragement to another beginning mom. I really do love homeschooling, and when I think of the discouraging days, when my husband had to come home early to discipline someone (or more than one little someone), I hope that these thoughts cheer up that mom somewhere else having "one of those days" and wondering why she ever left Burger King.
So random thoughts. Here goes:
1. Remember your mission. What in the world am I doing? Underneath all this scrabble of books, papers, pens, pencil shavings, erasers, illegible papers, and spelling words, you and I are building someone's future. Someday, we will have to answer to someone. We know that we will answer to the Lord, but there is a person we'll answer to as well. You wouldn't recognize him now, picking his nose at his desk and staring out the window, but someday, when he's about six feet tall and wants a career option that reaches beyond hunting for quarters in the Wal-Mart parking lot, you'll have to face that guy. He'll want to know if you did your best, and if he can really expect to get into college. He'll want to know if you determined to stretch him beyond his immaturity and natural-bound foolishness. I hate to think of facing that guy if I haven't done my best. Homeschooling isn't about keeping the kids home, or building an little empire so we have lots of company when we get old. The Bible refers to our children in the context of bows and arrows--"Blessed is the man that hath his quiver full." But what use are arrows if they never fly? They were made to soar away and leave an impact somewhere else. The man who has his quiver full should expect to see his arrows lodged somewhere besides his quiver, or he hasn't been much of an archer. Sometimes the homeschool movement is guilty of satisfying the mother-urge, and keeping kids at home--where it's safe--for as long as they can stand it, at the expense of seeking to find God's purpose for the child. Our mission is to equip and send. Would your children feel guilty for answering God's call to the mission field? Would they suspect they were abandoning or disappointing you?
2. Build on what they know. Education is a building process, and the foundation is always on previous learning. No matter where a child is, always start with what he knows. Take one bite at a time. Information--like vitamins--sometimes need to be chopped up.
I have a memory--not the most glorious moment in our homeschool. The twins were in first grade, and I was disappointed that they did not know their addition facts. In the urgency of panic, I finally said, "We're not doing lunch until you can make it through this stack of math facts in a minute." (Don't try this at home.) I can still see them--wadding the front of their shirts up in frenzied terror, desperately trying to sputter out those math facts. Suddenly, with the threat of starvation imminent, they could barely remember 1 + 1, much less 5 + 4. The tension mounted, until I finally acknowledged my grievous error and fed my kids and came up with a new plan: Start with the cards they know, and throw in one new fact a day. And never make a six-year-old cry over math facts. There are bigger things to cry about in this world.
3. Make the most of the morning. I feel sorry for kids who start school (in their pajamas) at 10:00. It might work out best for moms, who appreciate a slower-paced morning and a lingering cup o' joe at the computer, but kids, as a general rule, wake up with creative energy and optimism in the morning that seems to wane as the day goes by. Get the tough stuff done early.
4. Grade everything. It's tempting, in the overwhelming time crunch, to let papers stack up. I assure you, it will not be a happy day when you finally begin to wade through it. Children need constant accountability, and something very, very amazing begins to happen when they perceive that their papers are not being scrutinized. Even if you have to short-cut with a checkmark at the top, leave your fingerprints on everything they write. Check workbooks, folders, desks, and papers as soon as you can. Catch laziness and apathy as soon as it surfaces. Human nature has a natural bent, and it most definitely is NOT toward unsupervised diligence. I heard once of a mom who saved all the papers until the year was over, and went through them. In May. I think we can all be glad we weren't there.
5. Be willing to learn. Little secret: Homeschool moms don't know everything. We are just really, really fast learners. Our attitude toward our "bad" subjects will spill over to our kids. It's hard to imagine a child loving math, if his mom complains every day that she's just "not an algebra person." I'm not really swift in science either, but we have to offer our kids more than ourselves. It's a big, competitive world out there. I comfort myself that these textbooks are written for 14-year-olds, so that means I should be able to get it. I love being able to get advice from smart friends who can do these subjects. I've been known to call my publisher for explanations on math problems. Thomas Jefferson said that he never met a sprig of grass that didn't intrigue him. Come to think of it--he was homeschooled! If we love to learn our kids' material, then they might find some interest as well.
6. Who is talking in school? Unfortunately, we assume that teacher does all the talking, and students do all the listening. Be careful of doing all the talking and assuming all that information is finding a home in your child's eager little mind. None of us like to admit this, but we all appreciate a teacher who shows us what WE can do more than the teacher who shows us what SHE can do. I never cared how smart my teachers were, but my favorites were the teachers--like my sixth grade history teacher--who took me farther than I thought I could, and helped me to accomplish more than I realized I could. Draw your child out of himself. Do you know how your child's mind works? Some kids are visual learners, who remember everything they lay their eyes on. Other kids are auditory--they have to hear themselves say it out loud, or hear little cheers and memory aids. Other kids absorb information through movement: They respond to experiments and projects, or to drawing maps and images that engage their mind.
7. Fun is overrated. I know: It's what the publishers use to sell their products. Our personal favorite ad is the mother, smiling in the background (dressed in pearls and a fancy blouse) as she uses a mixer. In the forefront is her son, using a video monitor. No ear buds. But despite that little flaw, it just looks fun, and cozy: Mom, baking a birthday cake in the background, while Timmy learns his multiplication tables. But we have to be careful not to overlook the simple everyday joy of accomplishment. We don't have to get too carried away with the lure of "your kids will love learning!" School is also about hard work. It's one of the first ways our children learn to be diligent and finish "unpleasant" tasks, to work even when they're tired, to finish well even when it's been a tough race. These are some of the most valuable lessons school has to offer. Don't use too much frosting.
8. Be the toughest employer they've ever had. Someone else will expect honest hard work out of them. Don't make the manager at Lowe's, or the foreman at the quarry, or the president of the bank, be the first guy who ever told him to buck up. Don't ask your child to learn how to rise early for the first time in his life when he's 19. Face these challenges of character together. The purpose of homeschooling isn't to make education easy.
9. Beware of comparison. For some reason, having the responsibility of educating our own children seems to bring out a tremendous amount of insecurity in parents. We see a child who is faster at speed drills, or who is reading classical literature, and we wonder: Am I failing my child? There are enough scholastic tests and guides available to answer that question. We should never use other families or other children as our measuring stick. And for those who might be on the other side of equation: Don't jump too quickly to skip grades and advance your child to the next grade or level just because you've noticed he's smarter than another child. And please--whatever you do--don't say discouraging things to moms whose kiddos are struggling. They already know it.
10. Enjoy your child. You are not only his teacher. You are his cheerleader, his advocate, and the one person in the world who should be left standing when everyone else wants to give up. It's a sacred privilege to fill those shoes. Don't quit.
I love homeschooling, and if you are just getting your start, I hope you do too!
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