(I appreciate my husband Jason showing me this truth from Scripture--)
Homosexuality is not a new sin, and the reaction we are seeing is not new either. In Genesis 19 is the story of Lot, an unprofitable believer, trying to keep the homosexuals of his city from assaulting his guests (angels in disguise). In verse 7, Lot weakly appeals to the homosexuals as friends and says, "I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly." In verse 9, here is their response: "This one fellow (Lot) came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them." In other words--"You are judging us, and now we will be harsher with you than what we had intended for your guests." Sound familiar?
While there is no place for ridicule, name-calling, self-righteousness, or bullying toward any sinner, we do well to instruct ourselves from the Bible rather than from a politically-correct culture that has long despised the convicting power of Scripture. "The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul." (Psalm 19:7) The same Bible that teaches that God loves sinners teaches us what a sinner is. To skip over the bad news is to nullify the good news.
This Christmas, let us not forget what the name Jesus means, as His coming was told to Joseph: "And thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins." (Matthew 1:21)
The power of the blood of Christ is not just about getting us into heaven "someday," but also in delivering us today from the power of sin in our lives. And so, from one sinner to another--Jesus loves you. He came to save you from your sins. What a Savior!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Six Parenting Traps to
Avoid
My brothers like to reminisce about the time they fooled me
into running out into our garden to “see something, quick!” They both stood excitedly in the soft, spring
dirt, waving their hands and shouting. I
ran out to see “it,” and promptly fell into a hole they had dug and disguised
under straw. Having had to endure my
bossiness and my many hours in front of the mirror each day (trying to figure
out how to use a curling iron), they had appointed themselves my “Ministers of
Humility.” And that day, they were
profoundly rewarded.
Satan has laid traps for us as well. (Please ignore the metaphor here that
compares my brothers to “Satan.” They
really are wonderful people!). Of
course, there are more than six traps, but here are six that I can relate to because I’ve done or been tempted to do
all of them. Maybe you have
too. Let’s talk about these pitfalls,
with the hope of avoiding them next time Satan waves his hands and draws us
toward them.
1. Not aiming
for the heart. Solomon, in
his earlier (and wiser) years, implored, “My son, give me thine heart.” (Proverbs 23:26) Those of us with strong personalities can drag
good behavior out of anyone, through intimidation and filibuster. But that is no guarantee we have our children’s
hearts. One very quick and easy test is
this: “What do my children do when I’m
not around?” Selective obedience is a
tell-tale sign that our children are simply enduring a set of rules, which will
be abandoned as soon as they “get out” (or even before). Poor attitudes, provocative Facebook posts and “selfies”, lack of
communication with authority, rebellious friends, a curiosity toward the world and
a lack of interest in the Lord, inappropriate music, photos, or videos on their
phones, and a muted desire to be around family all point to a heart that has
strayed. Parents who think they can “force”
that heart back will be frustrated. Hearts
must be drawn, not dragged. And of
course, our primary mission is to make sure that Jesus has our children’s
hearts in the first place, through the salvation that He gives and the power of
His Holy Spirit throughout their Christian life. We do well to pray that God will use anything
or anyone to allow our kids will get caught when they are getting
involved with secret sin. Sure, it’s
embarrassing, and comes with high consequences the older they get. But what’s your goal?
2. Financing
things we don’t believe in. Otherwise
known as “enablement,” this practice has deadly consequences spiritually. Jesus said, “For where your treasure is,
there will your heart be also.” (Matthew
6:21) Parents who believe in godly living
do themselves and great disservice to hand out spending money to kids who
promptly buy inappropriate CD’s, revealing clothes, and concert tickets to
groups mom and dad do not endorse. At
our church, we have a benevolent fund.
When people call for assistance, we are sometimes able to purchase
groceries for them, fill a prescription, or put some gas into their car. But we never, ever hand them cash. We have a responsibility to make sure that
our benevolent fund is financing formula and heart medicine, not weed and
whiskey. If you cannot control what your
children buy or trust them to make wise choices (“He buys his video games from
his friends at school!”), then stop the cash flow. For
teenagers who have jobs, call a “spending freeze” and send those paychecks to
the bank (they have camp to pay for next summer, right?).
3. Not
understanding those “devices.” I hate to admit it, but it was my son who
first informed me that his ipod had a parental control feature on it. When it came to researching ahead of time—Epic.
Fail. on my part, for not using Google. Thankfully, Jonathan helped me out on that
one. We owe it to our children to know
everything their devices are capable of doing.
We can’t say it loudly enough, but let’s try: USE
FILTERS. Every internet-capable
device in our homes—smart phones, ipods, ipads, you-name-it, should have an
internet filter. It’s good for Mom and
Dad, too. Safe Eyes is just one of many
filters, but we are thankful for friends who tipped us off to this good
program. We receive a Weekly Usage
Summary on each user, including data that shows any attempts to enter forbidden
sites. This is not because I don’t trust my kids; it’s
because I don’t trust the devil. He
hates my kids. Remember: The devil is a fool, but he’s not an idiot. He knows our weaknesses even more than we do,
and the Bible says he prowls around, “seeking whom he may devour.” (I Peter
5:8) Our only safety is to walk with
Someone wiser than all of us: “Greater is He that is in you, than he that
is in the world.” (I John 4:4)
4. Failing to enjoy
the treasure of children.
Life is busy, and we’re going to be late—Get your shoes on and meet me
in the car. Put that down—we’ve got to
go! And life spins us along, like a soccer
ball, until we suddenly look back and realize our kids are almost grown
up. I have a memory—It should be a good
memory, but instead it’s a convicting one.
I was running late to choir
practice on Sunday night. I had Kaitlyn
swinging along in her car set, with an over-stuffed diaper bag slung over my
shoulder and the twins each held at the wrist as we flew across the parking
lot. Suddenly, Jonathan bent over to
examine a small piece of gravel in the parking lot. I didn’t have time that evening for gravel,
but before I could finish my lecture and yank him along—a lady came up behind
us and sweetly said to Jonathan, “Did you find a pretty rock?” Right there in the middle of the parking lot,
she bent down to study it with him. I
was hostage to their science lesson, and since I couldn’t lecture her, I stood there
awkwardly, watching her do what I should have had time to do myself: Enjoy life with my son. She wasn’t seeking to preach to me that day,
but her sermon was not soon forgotten.
Slow down. Our kids are attracted to people
who like to be with them. Either
I can make it clear that I cherish my children and enjoy them—laughing at their
goofy stories and appreciating their
talents, choosing to be with them in my free time—or I may find myself replaced
by someone who can appreciate them more.
5. Preaching
sermons we don’t believe or understand. We
discredit ourselves when we dive into topics we have not studied out. II Timothy 2:15 is not a command to “read” the
Bible; it’s a command to “study.” Our
children have special radar that enables them to detect when we are simply
parroting a sermon we heard on the radio or a warning we read in an article, rather
than prayerfully developing genuine convictions. Be real.
“Easy come, easy go” standards, that constantly get tweaked because we
don’t have solid convictions to stand on, produce rebellion. Eventually, our kids quit listening. I remember a man who loudly denounced a
violent video game-- later purchasing that same game for his son! I
agree with his original sermon (we don’t do Grand Theft Auto here either), and his severe shift to the wrong side of that issue
did more damage than just in the video
game arena. His son is learning not to
place much stock in “early polling.” Dad
will cave eventually. We have to do our own homework before we
preach the sermon, and then stick by our well-proved convictions.
6. Selfish
parenting. Ugh. I’m not proud of the time I made some clothes
for Jessica that were just ugly. She balked at wearing them (I’m not exactly a
tailor), and I tried making her guilty for not “appreciating all that work!” She
reluctantly wore them, out of obedience, but it was clearly under duress! She’s been sweet to accept my apology and laugh
about that these years later, but it wasn’t very funny at the time. When we impose burdens on our children simply
to satisfy our own selfishness, we display immaturity and—even worse—we train our
children to live with false guilt. Is it
really a sin to dislike clothes that are universally perceived as “ugly”, just
because we are proud of our masterpiece?
What about making a child feel guilty for losing a baseball game-- or mispronouncing
a word or not being popular or not having a boyfriend or being overweight or
not being musically inclined or stuttering? Even openly criticizing or mocking others
outside of the family for their physical anomalies and mistakes communicates to
our children, “You’d better not do that either!” The trouble with selfish parenting is that
those children eventually learn how to ignore guilt—which is not a skill we
want our kids to be good at! They need
to learn to resolve genuine guilt (the kind that is always the result of
actual sin, not just feeling inadequate because we failed to please others),
through repentance and confession of sin (Proverbs 28:13). False guilt over natural human behavior is
nasty stuff because it sets our kids up to quench the Holy Spirit in the areas
that really matter.
We’re all students.
May the Holy Spirit be our teacher, not the world!
Monday, December 9, 2013
"Let another man praise thee..."
Proverbs 27:2, "Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth . . ."
Bragging. It's like body odor--It always seems to smell worse on others than on ourselves. Why do we love to brag? Why do we promote ourselves, generously patting ourselves on the back and sharing stories that always place us in the best light (even at the expense of others)? Some brief thoughts on boastfulness, and... what it really tells about each of us:
1. Bragging ignores the Source of my gifts.
James Small wrote the poetry for the hymn, "I've Found a Friend, Oh, Such a Friend." His second stanza contains this compelling thought: "Naught that I have mine own I call, I hold it for the Giver. My heart, my strength, my life, my all are His, and His forever." Whatever thing we hold precious about ourselves that prompts us to brag--our abilities, intelligence, appearance, heritage--is merely a borrowed resource, with the intent of honoring God. Like a toddler who proudly carries his daddy's drill, we sometimes think that these borrowed tools have the effect of making us more important. We are wrong. Someday, God will likely ask for many of those resources back. And when our minds are declining, and our hands no longer can produce music at the piano, we will be startled by the fleeting nature of earthly gifts.
2. Bragging places trust in human device. Amazingly, it's not humility that is opposite of pride; it's FAITH. Note the structure of Proverbs 28:25, "He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat." Do you see how the sentence acts like a weighted scale? On one side we have pride, and on the other side we have trust (faith) in the Lord. Faith really IS the victory over every sin we face, including pride. Humility is a by-product of faith in the Lord. Pride is trusting in self, and bragging is the fruit of that misplaced trust. And as is so often the case, "The bigger the mouth, the smaller the man." Give God all the glory for your successes, and you'll never be accused of exaggeration.
3. Bragging tramples on the needs of those around me. Philippians 2:4 says, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man on the things of others." Our focus is not on how we can take care of ourselves, but always on those around us and on their needs. Whatever abilities and gifts God has lent us are for His will and to serve others, not to claim the glory for ourselves. Competing for attention by matching boast for boast ("Your team won by 35 points? Well, we once won a basketball game by 55!") does not humble the other person; it merely ignites their sinful desire to prove themselves even more. Usually it's our own pride that reacts to the pride in others and wants to fill the position of "humbling" them. We are pretty wretched creatures, without the help of the Holy Spirit to change us and control us! First Corinthians 13:4 - 5 remind us that "Charity . . . is not puffed up . . . seeketh not her own."
4. Bragging robs me of God's rewards for me. When the disciples grew frustrated with the Pharisees, who exalted themselves in the streets with costly robes and Old Testament Scripture verses plastered to their foreheads, noses in the air and self-righteousness emanating from their loud, lengthy, fleshly prayers, Jesus simply said, "They have their reward." We serve a Christ Who commanded us to pray in closets, figuratively reminding us to seek a higher reward than the praise of man. So pity the bragger. He has his reward.
Bragging. It's like body odor--It always seems to smell worse on others than on ourselves. Why do we love to brag? Why do we promote ourselves, generously patting ourselves on the back and sharing stories that always place us in the best light (even at the expense of others)? Some brief thoughts on boastfulness, and... what it really tells about each of us:
1. Bragging ignores the Source of my gifts.
James Small wrote the poetry for the hymn, "I've Found a Friend, Oh, Such a Friend." His second stanza contains this compelling thought: "Naught that I have mine own I call, I hold it for the Giver. My heart, my strength, my life, my all are His, and His forever." Whatever thing we hold precious about ourselves that prompts us to brag--our abilities, intelligence, appearance, heritage--is merely a borrowed resource, with the intent of honoring God. Like a toddler who proudly carries his daddy's drill, we sometimes think that these borrowed tools have the effect of making us more important. We are wrong. Someday, God will likely ask for many of those resources back. And when our minds are declining, and our hands no longer can produce music at the piano, we will be startled by the fleeting nature of earthly gifts.
2. Bragging places trust in human device. Amazingly, it's not humility that is opposite of pride; it's FAITH. Note the structure of Proverbs 28:25, "He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat." Do you see how the sentence acts like a weighted scale? On one side we have pride, and on the other side we have trust (faith) in the Lord. Faith really IS the victory over every sin we face, including pride. Humility is a by-product of faith in the Lord. Pride is trusting in self, and bragging is the fruit of that misplaced trust. And as is so often the case, "The bigger the mouth, the smaller the man." Give God all the glory for your successes, and you'll never be accused of exaggeration.
3. Bragging tramples on the needs of those around me. Philippians 2:4 says, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man on the things of others." Our focus is not on how we can take care of ourselves, but always on those around us and on their needs. Whatever abilities and gifts God has lent us are for His will and to serve others, not to claim the glory for ourselves. Competing for attention by matching boast for boast ("Your team won by 35 points? Well, we once won a basketball game by 55!") does not humble the other person; it merely ignites their sinful desire to prove themselves even more. Usually it's our own pride that reacts to the pride in others and wants to fill the position of "humbling" them. We are pretty wretched creatures, without the help of the Holy Spirit to change us and control us! First Corinthians 13:4 - 5 remind us that "Charity . . . is not puffed up . . . seeketh not her own."
4. Bragging robs me of God's rewards for me. When the disciples grew frustrated with the Pharisees, who exalted themselves in the streets with costly robes and Old Testament Scripture verses plastered to their foreheads, noses in the air and self-righteousness emanating from their loud, lengthy, fleshly prayers, Jesus simply said, "They have their reward." We serve a Christ Who commanded us to pray in closets, figuratively reminding us to seek a higher reward than the praise of man. So pity the bragger. He has his reward.
Deer Hunting
So . . . Deer hunting has not been what we had hoped this year. (In other words, no deer.) I'm not sure why no deer (experts can enlighten us on what we're doing wrong), but today it didn't matter. Here's why: Jason has been sitting out in the woods every free morning since October, either with David (bow hunting) or the twins (gun). Since he rises early for his bus job, as well as on Sundays... for preaching, I doubt that he has slept in past 4:30 AM more than once or twice in about 8 weeks.
Last week, after another unsuccessful hunt, Jonathan came home and said, "Next Saturday, I'm taking David hunting so Dad can sleep in." And he did. This morning as I dropped them off at our hunting spot at 5:00 AM, and watched Jonathan help David get his gear into the woods and navigate past the electric fence (on the farm where they have permission to hunt), it suddenly wasn't about deer any more. I was thankful for Jonathan sacrificing an early Saturday morning (and most of the day) for his brother and his dad, and I was thankful for the responsibility that Jason has taught both of the boys. I was nothing but a chauffeur and a bystander, as they collected all their gear and trekked out there in the dark, reminding each other of what they needed for their hours in the deer blind. As I watched them walk together into the darkness, I realized that the deer is just an accessory. I already had the real reward.
Last week, after another unsuccessful hunt, Jonathan came home and said, "Next Saturday, I'm taking David hunting so Dad can sleep in." And he did. This morning as I dropped them off at our hunting spot at 5:00 AM, and watched Jonathan help David get his gear into the woods and navigate past the electric fence (on the farm where they have permission to hunt), it suddenly wasn't about deer any more. I was thankful for Jonathan sacrificing an early Saturday morning (and most of the day) for his brother and his dad, and I was thankful for the responsibility that Jason has taught both of the boys. I was nothing but a chauffeur and a bystander, as they collected all their gear and trekked out there in the dark, reminding each other of what they needed for their hours in the deer blind. As I watched them walk together into the darkness, I realized that the deer is just an accessory. I already had the real reward.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Gift-Giving Principles
This time of year, as we scan the
Black Friday ads, we all wonder what we should be buying (or making) for our
children for Christmas. May I encourage
you with some thoughts about gift-giving, especially regarding our children?
1. Remember that God made your budget. To complain is to accuse God. If you and I can’t afford the latest
electronics for our children, it’s not worth crying about. God is never a debtor; He gives well, and if He has chosen to limit
your budget more severely than those around you, be thankful for what you can
do. Teach your children to be thankful
and not to compare themselves with others who have more. “Let patience have her perfect work.” God has good reasons for every limitation He
places into our lives.
2. Never, never, never go into debt over
Christmas gifts. Material debt,
for non-essentials, is dishonest. We
like to make our friends and children happy at Christmas, but we must be honest
about our budgets. We can say that Christmas isn’t about the
toys, but when we borrow from 2014 to pay for them, we reveal our true
motives. How many Christmas gifts have
lain unattended in dresser drawers—or even been broken—while weary parents
tried to pay for them for six more months?
3. We must never rob God while trying to please
our children. The Bible commands
us to be consistent with our tithes (10% of our gross income given to God’s
work) and offerings (extra gifts that we give to missionaries and other notable
ministry projects). It’s easy at
Christmas time to “borrow” from those necessities in order to buy our children
what everyone else has. “Seek ye first
the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added
unto you.” Matthew 6:33.
4. Be on guard for the messages of materialism
all around us. I used to wonder
why “Thou shalt not covet” was listed among the ten commandments. It seemed so pale when situated underneath
lying, stealing, adultery, and murder!
Do you hear the messages that are played out on
commercials?
“Your family will love you more if you buy
this.”
“You will always be happy when driving this.”
“People
will think you are beautiful if you use this.”
“You
will always have friends if you own this.”
How silly we humans are to believe those lies! But they work: advertisers spend millions (maybe even
billions?) of dollars each year just for the privilege of coming into our
living rooms for 30 – 45 seconds and tell us that. Turn off the commercials (or even the TV
entirely!). Imagine those shiny toys at
a Goodwill store next summer. Because many
of them will be—and you can buy it then, for $2.00!
Be careful about buying toys that do all the thinking for
your kids—besides the fact that you will be buying batteries every other week,
they rob your kids of the ability to make their own fun.
5. Focus on others. The greatest joy really is in giving, not
receiving. Last weekend, a friend came
to me with an unusual request. She is
going through a terribly deep sorrow right now, and as she handed me an
envelope, she said, “I don’t have much
happiness in my life right now. Just
promise me that when you open this, you will smile. That will make me feel better.” I am so touched by her perspective. Our children need to discover the joy of
serving and reaching out to others.
Maybe a gift toward relief in the Philippines, or an hour singing carols
at the nursing home, will help them to focus on how they can do a small part to
relieve some of the enormous suffering in this sad world.
6. Buy gifts that make your children better
people. Gift-giving is a
wonderful opportunity to show love, share your values, and to help to shape our children’s character. Since our oldest are turning 17 years old tomorrow
and our youngest is just 4, I have a pretty good idea which toys last and which
ones break; which ones get used and which ones get played with. Joshua’s little shelf of toys is made up almost
entirely of hand-me-downs from his older siblings. Here’s what has lasted since 1996:
*Building toys: Waterproof and almost unbreakable (even if
Dad steps on one in the middle of the night
. . . the toys are unbreakable; Dad is not! ), you can’t go wrong with Legos
(all sizes), wooden blocks, and Lincoln Logs.
I’m seeing K’nex now, and I’m sure they will be on my list soon as well! We grew up with Tinker Toys too.
*Books. Not enough can be said for good books in the
home. I won’t make a list (it would be
a blog in itself), but be sure to purchase a copy of Honey for a Child’s
Heart by Gladys Hunt for a pretty
comprehensive book list and book reviews.
I’ve been known to grab that book and just comb my way through Amazon
and eBay for Christmas gifts (often 99 cents plus shipping).
*Hobbies. Woodcarving sets, tools, sewing machines
(maybe the only justification for Black Friday), hunting gear, weight set
(again, ours came from a garage sale for $5—don’t break the bank!), camping
gear, jump ropes, yo-yo’s, knitting/crocheting/cross-stitch
kits, scrapbooking materials, journals and pens, sports balls, sleds (if you live
near snow), music books, sketch pads and pencils, paint sets, kitchen items,
etc. Last year, we used some of Joshua’s
Christmas money toward wood, and his brother helped Dad to build him a little
sandbox under the tree outside. Don’t be afraid to buy discounted items. All of our roller-blades come from Goodwill
or garage sales.
*Imaginative play. Little people, dolls, cars, trains, army men
(yes, the ones who hold guns!), animals and barns, dress up clothes. My mom once bought a wedding dress for $5.00
at a garage sale. Most.Favorite.Toy.Ever. among the little girl cousins in this
family! My favorite home video is of
Kaitlyn (age 9) racing across the lawn in that wedding dress, chasing Louie,
her cousin’s dog.
*Board games. Not “bored games,” but get the ones that are
really fun! Monopoly, Uno, Battleship,
Stratego, Dominos, mancala, Settlers, Sorry!, Candyland, Skip-bo. We learned Dutch Blitz from a missionary to
England, and we got hooked. Puzzles are a fun family project too.
*Educational and
spiritual DVD’s and CD’s, science projects (Hobby Lobby will get your
imagination going).
*Spiritual growth. A new Bible, a devotional journal, a book
about the Christian life.
*Yourself. What do you do well? My mother-in-law once sewed the twins each
their own apron and gave them a package of muffin mix. They had so much fun cooking for us that
night! Memories last longer than
toys. And of course we still have those
precious little aprons!
*Practical. Curling irons, stockings full of deodorant (especially
if you have a seventh-grader around), underwear (why buy it in January when you
can call it a “gift”?), anything they have been borrowing from you lately. J
Merry
Christmas!
“We love Him
because He first loved us.” What a
gift! What a Savior! We have so much to celebrate.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Arrows
My son David recently reminded me of an important principle in parenting. Our kids are arrows, the Bible says--defined not by how cute they are inside the quiver, but by how well they soar when they are released from the bow.
David loves archery, and his prized possession is his official bow (lefty, of course), and his favorite hobby is target practice. He had an arrow that looked fine to me, but he could detect that there was a flaw in its design. A slight flaw, but one that made him too nervous to shoot with it. Sure enough, not long after, when he applied slight pressure to his arrow, it completely broke. It was split inside, beneath the visible surface. Had David shot it from his bow, it would have flown poorly and even damaged his hand.
I was reminded of my job as a parent. There is a defining moment in my children's lives when I will have to let them go. The test of my parenting is not how nice things look here, where I can control their environment. The test is how well they will soar. Inward flaws, barely discernible now, will produce a split. As I think of my friends who are in that "letting go" process right now, taking your kids off to college and releasing the bow trigger for the first time, I am soberly reminded of the short time I have with these "arrows" before God asks for them back for His service. They were not given to me to keep for myself, but to release. And I am reminded of the grave importance of praying each day, earnestly pleading with God, on behalf of my children that God will preserve their integrity and save them for Himself.
David loves archery, and his prized possession is his official bow (lefty, of course), and his favorite hobby is target practice. He had an arrow that looked fine to me, but he could detect that there was a flaw in its design. A slight flaw, but one that made him too nervous to shoot with it. Sure enough, not long after, when he applied slight pressure to his arrow, it completely broke. It was split inside, beneath the visible surface. Had David shot it from his bow, it would have flown poorly and even damaged his hand.
I was reminded of my job as a parent. There is a defining moment in my children's lives when I will have to let them go. The test of my parenting is not how nice things look here, where I can control their environment. The test is how well they will soar. Inward flaws, barely discernible now, will produce a split. As I think of my friends who are in that "letting go" process right now, taking your kids off to college and releasing the bow trigger for the first time, I am soberly reminded of the short time I have with these "arrows" before God asks for them back for His service. They were not given to me to keep for myself, but to release. And I am reminded of the grave importance of praying each day, earnestly pleading with God, on behalf of my children that God will preserve their integrity and save them for Himself.
Thoughts on Getting Our Kids to Church on Time
Just some thoughts on getting our kids to church on time . . .
Why do we all find it such a difficult challenge to be on time for Sunday school and church? Most husbands (and many wives) leave for work before sunup each weekday morning; and the kids can make it to the bus stop or the homeschool desk, combed and clean, bright and early, five days a week . . . . And then Sunday morning arrives. ...Even though church typically starts at least an hour or two later than our school days, we still find ourselves struggling all morning. Someone can’t find a hair brush, or a barrette. Who forgot to fold the black socks? Where’s my Bible? She’s taking too long in the bathroom! Even attitudes can naturally just seem edgier on Sunday mornings, if we’re not careful. And despite that extra hour to get ready . . . Sunday morning becomes a battlefield.
Because . . . That’s exactly what it is.
Although many people question how valuable church attendance really is anymore now that we have online “fellowship” and TV or live-streamed preaching, there still remain two tenacious individuals who believe with all their hearts that church attendance really does matter: God and Satan. You and I are in the cross-hairs of Satan’s attack against God, in what others have well-coined his “long war” against God.
Before we believe that these Sunday morning “battles” are just not worth the struggle, let’s remember first of all that Christ loves the church died specifically for her. He commanded us not to neglect “the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is . . .” (Heb. 10:25). He deliberately “added to the church” the new converts of Acts 2. Most of Paul’s epistles are addressed to churches. The spiritual gifts are specifically to be used to build up the church (I Corinthians 14:12). Church is where we collectively worship God, give tithes and offerings to support His work, pray for the needy and lost, and encourage others. Entire passages of the New Testament outline how the church is to be run—right down to the qualifications for being a pastor or deacon, and how to take care of widows.
This explains why Satan hates church so much, and why church attendance is almost always the first area he attacks in a Christian’s life. Shut down American churches, and missionaries come home from the field because of lack of support; local communities lose their Gospel witness; and sin abounds as Christians experience defeat and discouragement and backsliding. Church matters, and Satan is happy to use whatever tools lie at his disposal to keep us out of church: other hypocrites; an offensive word; neglect of Christians toward one another; or even an uncooperative toddler on a rainy Sunday morning.
I’ve parented a few of those unhappy toddlers. My diaper bag, for many years, included an extra stick of deodorant—and could have used a mobile shower, had they been invented. The Sunday morning marathon is rugged work. To compound my dilemma, my husband is in the ministry, which means that he has always gone early to the church. Getting newborns and toddlers and preschoolers fed, dressed, and ready at the door for his return pick-up at 9:00 was the most intimidating challenge of my week until my kids were old enough to get ready on their own. Nowadays, since my kids are older and more independent, I’m more like a cheerleader (although not always the perky, happy kind . . .), shuttling people through the bathroom and out the front door.
Maybe your Sunday routine could use some strategies. I hope that some of these ideas can help you as you teach your children to learn, from an early age, that going to church is more than an essential habit: it’s a privilege worth getting up early for.
1. Fight spiritual warfare spiritually.
When every Sunday morning seems to result in a temper flare-up, or a lost set of keys, or a baby with exploding “dyna-diapers”—your problem is more than a coincidental breakdown of organization. Satan hates seeing you in church, and so he attacks. The Bible promises us two things: First, that if you “resist the devil . . .he will flee from you.” Don’t roll over and play dead. Go to church—running late, minus the shoe, with whacky hair—but don’t let the devil act like he won. Jesus already won the battle against Satan at the cross, and “greater is He that is in you, than He that is in the world.” And secondly, the Bible promises us that when we fight our spiritual battles God’s way (Ephesians 6), we will “withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Someday, it may be that harried, crazy Sunday morning that God brings to mind in the life of your child as a reminder to him or her how important the Lord’s work really was to you.
2. Plan ahead.
If someone were scheduled to hand out bricks of gold this Tuesday morning at 9:15 on your county courthouse lawn, would you be there? I would be there—and every one of my kids would be in line too! I would make sure my calendar was free; and then we’d be sure to get a good night’s rest the night before—and set an extra alarm or two, so we wouldn’t miss it. I might even set out clothes the night before, or place the kids’ shoes on the dresser, like I do when we go on vacation.
David wrote about God’s judgments that they are “more to be desired . . .than gold.” We plan ahead for what we desire in life. Hearing God’s Word is the most important thing we can desire for our Sunday morning.
Someone has said, “Your morning starts the night before.” If you are struggling with Sundays, it might help to look at your Saturday nights. It’s easy to stay up too late (or let the kids stay up too late) with friends, or watching a DVD, or just running behind on jobs that need to be done. Strategizing Saturday nights is one of the keys to getting to church on time. God has not eliminated the call for sacrifice from the Christian life. Getting to church on time will require a sacrifice of something we would enjoy doing.
Thinking through your morning, step-by-step, helps too. What are the kids going to wear? Is it washed and ironed already, to save a step on Sunday? Maybe take a minute on Saturday night to hunt down those infamous shoes/socks/diaper bag/keys—whatever has been growing feet and wandering off lately.
3. Simplify.
Pancakes and sausages might be a family favorite—but if your Sunday mornings are lacking punctuality, maybe . . . peanut butter on toast, or a cup of yogurt, or cold cereal instead.
It’s easy for us to forget our true mission on Sundays: getting to church and worshipping God. If we get distracted, Sunday breakfast and dinner can become a seven-course banquet; and Sunday dress can turn into a fashion show. We do dress up for church to honor God and the holiness that He represents, but when French-braiding a toddler’s hair becomes the reason we are running late . . . we’ve missed something. It may help to just start chopping everything out of your morning that does not enhance your goal of getting the kids into church on time.
4. Surrender the Day.
Old Testament saints worshipped on the “Sabbath,” their Saturday of rest. But when Jesus rose from the dead on Resurrection Sunday morning, Christians began from that time forward to celebrate the Lord’s Day on Sunday. Christians brought their tithes to church on “the first day of the week.” Just as God asks for the first of our income (the first 10%), He also asks for the first of our week (Sunday).
Recent cultural shifts have reduced “the Lord’s Day” to just one hour, usually a 10:30 – 11:30 AM worship service, but in actuality God has asked us to give Him the whole day in rest, worship, and spiritual renewal. Instead of thinking of just how to survive “that one hour,” surrender your Lord’s Day back to Him. It was His in the first place.
5. Make the Choice.
Luke 10:38 – 42 tells us the story of two sisters, Mary and Martha. They were hosting a meal for Jesus in their home. While Martha was busy, “cumbered about much serving”—probably cleaning and cooking and setting up for the meal—Mary was sitting at Jesus feet listening to Him. Martha wanted Jesus to rebuke her sister for not helping with the responsibilities around her.
I’m intrigued by Jesus’ answer. He did not scold Mary for not helping; and He did not seem bothered that not everything would get done. He simply pointed to the choice before them. He rebuked Martha and said, “Thou art careful and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part . . .”
Did you know that you can’t do everything? In our Christian life, we are constantly presented with choices—and rarely is it a choice between “good” and “bad.” Most of us will never have to choose between going to church and . . . robbing a bank, or killing someone. But we might have to choose between going to church and . . . getting caught up on laundry, or visiting with a family member. Our lives are constantly filled with the tension of choosing between what is “good” and what is “BEST.” Serving a banquet to Jesus was a good idea—but it was not the best idea at that time.
God uses those choices to expose our hearts. When given the choice, what will you pick?
Why do we all find it such a difficult challenge to be on time for Sunday school and church? Most husbands (and many wives) leave for work before sunup each weekday morning; and the kids can make it to the bus stop or the homeschool desk, combed and clean, bright and early, five days a week . . . . And then Sunday morning arrives. ...Even though church typically starts at least an hour or two later than our school days, we still find ourselves struggling all morning. Someone can’t find a hair brush, or a barrette. Who forgot to fold the black socks? Where’s my Bible? She’s taking too long in the bathroom! Even attitudes can naturally just seem edgier on Sunday mornings, if we’re not careful. And despite that extra hour to get ready . . . Sunday morning becomes a battlefield.
Because . . . That’s exactly what it is.
Although many people question how valuable church attendance really is anymore now that we have online “fellowship” and TV or live-streamed preaching, there still remain two tenacious individuals who believe with all their hearts that church attendance really does matter: God and Satan. You and I are in the cross-hairs of Satan’s attack against God, in what others have well-coined his “long war” against God.
Before we believe that these Sunday morning “battles” are just not worth the struggle, let’s remember first of all that Christ loves the church died specifically for her. He commanded us not to neglect “the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is . . .” (Heb. 10:25). He deliberately “added to the church” the new converts of Acts 2. Most of Paul’s epistles are addressed to churches. The spiritual gifts are specifically to be used to build up the church (I Corinthians 14:12). Church is where we collectively worship God, give tithes and offerings to support His work, pray for the needy and lost, and encourage others. Entire passages of the New Testament outline how the church is to be run—right down to the qualifications for being a pastor or deacon, and how to take care of widows.
This explains why Satan hates church so much, and why church attendance is almost always the first area he attacks in a Christian’s life. Shut down American churches, and missionaries come home from the field because of lack of support; local communities lose their Gospel witness; and sin abounds as Christians experience defeat and discouragement and backsliding. Church matters, and Satan is happy to use whatever tools lie at his disposal to keep us out of church: other hypocrites; an offensive word; neglect of Christians toward one another; or even an uncooperative toddler on a rainy Sunday morning.
I’ve parented a few of those unhappy toddlers. My diaper bag, for many years, included an extra stick of deodorant—and could have used a mobile shower, had they been invented. The Sunday morning marathon is rugged work. To compound my dilemma, my husband is in the ministry, which means that he has always gone early to the church. Getting newborns and toddlers and preschoolers fed, dressed, and ready at the door for his return pick-up at 9:00 was the most intimidating challenge of my week until my kids were old enough to get ready on their own. Nowadays, since my kids are older and more independent, I’m more like a cheerleader (although not always the perky, happy kind . . .), shuttling people through the bathroom and out the front door.
Maybe your Sunday routine could use some strategies. I hope that some of these ideas can help you as you teach your children to learn, from an early age, that going to church is more than an essential habit: it’s a privilege worth getting up early for.
1. Fight spiritual warfare spiritually.
When every Sunday morning seems to result in a temper flare-up, or a lost set of keys, or a baby with exploding “dyna-diapers”—your problem is more than a coincidental breakdown of organization. Satan hates seeing you in church, and so he attacks. The Bible promises us two things: First, that if you “resist the devil . . .he will flee from you.” Don’t roll over and play dead. Go to church—running late, minus the shoe, with whacky hair—but don’t let the devil act like he won. Jesus already won the battle against Satan at the cross, and “greater is He that is in you, than He that is in the world.” And secondly, the Bible promises us that when we fight our spiritual battles God’s way (Ephesians 6), we will “withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Someday, it may be that harried, crazy Sunday morning that God brings to mind in the life of your child as a reminder to him or her how important the Lord’s work really was to you.
2. Plan ahead.
If someone were scheduled to hand out bricks of gold this Tuesday morning at 9:15 on your county courthouse lawn, would you be there? I would be there—and every one of my kids would be in line too! I would make sure my calendar was free; and then we’d be sure to get a good night’s rest the night before—and set an extra alarm or two, so we wouldn’t miss it. I might even set out clothes the night before, or place the kids’ shoes on the dresser, like I do when we go on vacation.
David wrote about God’s judgments that they are “more to be desired . . .than gold.” We plan ahead for what we desire in life. Hearing God’s Word is the most important thing we can desire for our Sunday morning.
Someone has said, “Your morning starts the night before.” If you are struggling with Sundays, it might help to look at your Saturday nights. It’s easy to stay up too late (or let the kids stay up too late) with friends, or watching a DVD, or just running behind on jobs that need to be done. Strategizing Saturday nights is one of the keys to getting to church on time. God has not eliminated the call for sacrifice from the Christian life. Getting to church on time will require a sacrifice of something we would enjoy doing.
Thinking through your morning, step-by-step, helps too. What are the kids going to wear? Is it washed and ironed already, to save a step on Sunday? Maybe take a minute on Saturday night to hunt down those infamous shoes/socks/diaper bag/keys—whatever has been growing feet and wandering off lately.
3. Simplify.
Pancakes and sausages might be a family favorite—but if your Sunday mornings are lacking punctuality, maybe . . . peanut butter on toast, or a cup of yogurt, or cold cereal instead.
It’s easy for us to forget our true mission on Sundays: getting to church and worshipping God. If we get distracted, Sunday breakfast and dinner can become a seven-course banquet; and Sunday dress can turn into a fashion show. We do dress up for church to honor God and the holiness that He represents, but when French-braiding a toddler’s hair becomes the reason we are running late . . . we’ve missed something. It may help to just start chopping everything out of your morning that does not enhance your goal of getting the kids into church on time.
4. Surrender the Day.
Old Testament saints worshipped on the “Sabbath,” their Saturday of rest. But when Jesus rose from the dead on Resurrection Sunday morning, Christians began from that time forward to celebrate the Lord’s Day on Sunday. Christians brought their tithes to church on “the first day of the week.” Just as God asks for the first of our income (the first 10%), He also asks for the first of our week (Sunday).
Recent cultural shifts have reduced “the Lord’s Day” to just one hour, usually a 10:30 – 11:30 AM worship service, but in actuality God has asked us to give Him the whole day in rest, worship, and spiritual renewal. Instead of thinking of just how to survive “that one hour,” surrender your Lord’s Day back to Him. It was His in the first place.
5. Make the Choice.
Luke 10:38 – 42 tells us the story of two sisters, Mary and Martha. They were hosting a meal for Jesus in their home. While Martha was busy, “cumbered about much serving”—probably cleaning and cooking and setting up for the meal—Mary was sitting at Jesus feet listening to Him. Martha wanted Jesus to rebuke her sister for not helping with the responsibilities around her.
I’m intrigued by Jesus’ answer. He did not scold Mary for not helping; and He did not seem bothered that not everything would get done. He simply pointed to the choice before them. He rebuked Martha and said, “Thou art careful and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part . . .”
Did you know that you can’t do everything? In our Christian life, we are constantly presented with choices—and rarely is it a choice between “good” and “bad.” Most of us will never have to choose between going to church and . . . robbing a bank, or killing someone. But we might have to choose between going to church and . . . getting caught up on laundry, or visiting with a family member. Our lives are constantly filled with the tension of choosing between what is “good” and what is “BEST.” Serving a banquet to Jesus was a good idea—but it was not the best idea at that time.
God uses those choices to expose our hearts. When given the choice, what will you pick?
Grammar Lessons
So just a quick thought--and don't take this as a criticism. I am noticing that one of the most common grammar mistakes for most Americans is the use of the apostrophe. (Jessica and I spotted a mistake on a restroom sign at the Illinois State Fair, so it's pretty common).
Here's an easy way to remember when to use the apostrophe (that's the ' symbol): Use it only if you are showing ownership (possession), or if you are leaving out letters. We would say, "The books are lying on the table." Not, "The book's are lying on the table." or, "The Valentins are noisy people," not "The Valentin's are noisy people." (Because the Valentins really are noisy people--trust me on that one.)
The exception that gets us all tripped up is "it's." Use the apostrophe if you mean to say "it is." Don't use it for the possessive. We would say, "The dog broke its leg," not "The dog broke it's leg." (crazy English . . . )
If that's more information than you wanted this early in the morning--no harm done. I honestly don't mind the mistakes. But sometimes people want to know, so if you're an inquiring mind--there you have it.
Take-away lessons from the Incognito/Martin Case.
There are a few "take away" lessons from the Incognito/Martin case that are worth mentioning--especially for young people. Since our kids enjoy watching football, I'm more interested in how this affects my kids than how it affects Mr. Incognito. The final analysis of these events may exonerate Incognito, but the publicity itself has been punishment. Ultimately, this is about peer pressure, ...and everyone faces these same arguments somewhere along the way.
1. "Subcultures" don't get to re-write the laws of right and wrong that are already written on everyone's conscience by God--whether it's a sports team, the military, a church, a college dorm, or a job. The NFL will have to decide whether anyone broke official rules--or even laws. That's not mine to decide. But everywhere you go in life, people will try to use that argument on you: "I know this sounds bad, but this is just the way it's done here." You can play that game--whether it's about hiding tax liabilities, or bullying, or cheating your boss out of an honest day's pay--and sometimes you might even win. Sometimes you might lose. Guantanamo Bay soldiers thought they had a small corner of the universe where cruelty against humans was permissible, since these were enemies of the free-world who were very evil people. But when the YouTube video was posted, the rest of the world didn't buy it. (And it's safe to argue here that there is a distinction between "toughen up, man" talk, and trash talk. No one is asking the Dolphins to offer each of their players a blankey.)
2. Victims don't play by our script. Every bully--Facebook bullies, school bullies, youth group bullies--feels "burned" at some point by a victim who went rogue. Inevitably, people want to blame Martin. I'm not here to justify his choices and responses to his teammates. Maybe he appears fickle and wimpy, and unable to relate honestly with his teammates. But how often have we seen people teasing a weaker person, and the aggressors will say, "Don't worry--he takes a joke really well. He can handle it. We're just super good friends that way." Or maybe not. Maybe he's just laughing because he thinks he can please you by playing along. Sometimes they put up with it for decades, and sometimes they snap. When they do, your arguments will disappear into thin air, and like Incognito, you may find yourself wishing you had just stuck with the Golden Rule.
I'm not Incognito's judge, and we all have to answer for our own choices. But this situation isn't new, and young people will face these same choices for the rest of their lives. Just do right, regardless of what those around you are doing, and you can save yourself a whole lot of answering. "The wise man seeth the evil and hideth himself, but the simple pass on and are punished."
2. Victims don't play by our script. Every bully--Facebook bullies, school bullies, youth group bullies--feels "burned" at some point by a victim who went rogue. Inevitably, people want to blame Martin. I'm not here to justify his choices and responses to his teammates. Maybe he appears fickle and wimpy, and unable to relate honestly with his teammates. But how often have we seen people teasing a weaker person, and the aggressors will say, "Don't worry--he takes a joke really well. He can handle it. We're just super good friends that way." Or maybe not. Maybe he's just laughing because he thinks he can please you by playing along. Sometimes they put up with it for decades, and sometimes they snap. When they do, your arguments will disappear into thin air, and like Incognito, you may find yourself wishing you had just stuck with the Golden Rule.
I'm not Incognito's judge, and we all have to answer for our own choices. But this situation isn't new, and young people will face these same choices for the rest of their lives. Just do right, regardless of what those around you are doing, and you can save yourself a whole lot of answering. "The wise man seeth the evil and hideth himself, but the simple pass on and are punished."
A Thoughtful Response to the Chick-Fil-A Debate
But what did we do wrong? How did long lines of cars spell "hate"? What did Truett Cathy say that was "intolerant"? And why would Christians protest this?What if Mr. Cathy had spoken out against vandalism:"I support the right of a business to operate without spray-paint on the side of the building. I believe that everyone should paint only their own property." What if various cities around the country took offense, and threatened to banish his restaurant from their cities? And what if large numbers of people around the country wanted to support Cathy's right to speak out against vandalism, and to find a voice for their own concern for what vandalism does to a city, by buying chicken sandwiches? It wouldn't even be news, and it certainly would not have warranted a lecture to conservatives. So what's the difference? Why is it fine to speak out against vandalism, stealing, heroin use, public nudity, and even smoking--but it's hateful to support what God has said in the New Testament: "Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts to dishonor their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient." Romans 1:24 - 28. Here is the key: Most thieves agree that stealing is wrong. They feel entitled to steal, but they don't want to be stolen from. They might even agree that it violates the 8th commandment. Most vandals are the same way. They love spray-painting signs and overpasses, but they would likely press charges if I threw rocks into their car windows. It's wrong--fun maybe, but still wrong. But homosexuals, as a political group, do not agree that their behavior is a sin. While there are some homosexuals who personally reject the lifestyle and have sought healing from the temptations that plague them (and desperately need to be supported and loved by Christians), the homosexuals who are loudly pushing a political agenda have long-defended it as an alternative lifestyle-- something that God gave them. As a result, they have even pushed legislation through to force the rest of the country not only to accept them, but to embrace them. The legal issues for pastors are growing, as homosexuals gain the right to be employed by Christian schools and to attend churches without feeling "penalized" for choosing a lifestyle that runs against God's Word.
What is our response as Christians? Is it hateful to support Chick-Fil-A? Do we deserve the hand-slapping lectures that have cropped up across the internet? Our first obligation is to God. The truth of His Word is clear that it is sin in His eys to engage in any sexual behavior outside of Biblical marriage--homosexual, heterosexual, etc. Although the New Testament does not obligate us to stone each other according to Mosaic law, God's truth is not a "society secret" that the church must hide in order to make sinners feel comfortable. Speaking the truth in love does not mean to hide the truth, but rather to filter it through the reality of nail prints on an innocent God-Man. The powerful conviction of the Holy Spirit comes through Spirit-filled preaching of the Truth, as well as the faithful "wounds of a friend". When Nathan confronted David in adultery and murder with those chilling words, "Thou art the man," he was not judging. He was being used as an instrument of truth, and it yielded conviction and repentance in the heart of King David. Ironically, the internet and social media are avalanched with moral mandates reminding us to discipline our children, eat nutritious food, buy "green", and not to collect welfare if we have money for tattoos. But homosexuality is so politicized that the church has begun to view it in a class of its own, an untouchable issue that cannot be spoken against. Because of Jesus Christ, our next obligation is to those who the Bible says "oppose themselves." The plan of God for their lives is better than this, and it is the "love of Christ that constraineth us" to reach out to them lovingly with the truth. This is not a defense of "lazy evangelism" that avoids personal relationships and relies too heavily on internet posters with rude clichés. We owe our homosexual friends the love that Christ offered us. If Paul was the chiefest of sinners--I don't want to see where I belong on that list.
Eat more chicken--and buy a sandwich for a kissing protester. Jesus died for homosexuals because Jesus died to set us free.
Random thoughts on homeschooling
But despite those shortcomings, maybe some of our adventures and failures in the last 10 years might offer some encouragement to another beginning mom. I really do love homeschooling, and when I think of the discouraging days, when my husband had to come home early to discipline someone (or more than one little someone), I hope that these thoughts cheer up that mom somewhere else having "one of those days" and wondering why she ever left Burger King.
So random thoughts. Here goes:
1. Remember your mission. What in the world am I doing? Underneath all this scrabble of books, papers, pens, pencil shavings, erasers, illegible papers, and spelling words, you and I are building someone's future. Someday, we will have to answer to someone. We know that we will answer to the Lord, but there is a person we'll answer to as well. You wouldn't recognize him now, picking his nose at his desk and staring out the window, but someday, when he's about six feet tall and wants a career option that reaches beyond hunting for quarters in the Wal-Mart parking lot, you'll have to face that guy. He'll want to know if you did your best, and if he can really expect to get into college. He'll want to know if you determined to stretch him beyond his immaturity and natural-bound foolishness. I hate to think of facing that guy if I haven't done my best. Homeschooling isn't about keeping the kids home, or building an little empire so we have lots of company when we get old. The Bible refers to our children in the context of bows and arrows--"Blessed is the man that hath his quiver full." But what use are arrows if they never fly? They were made to soar away and leave an impact somewhere else. The man who has his quiver full should expect to see his arrows lodged somewhere besides his quiver, or he hasn't been much of an archer. Sometimes the homeschool movement is guilty of satisfying the mother-urge, and keeping kids at home--where it's safe--for as long as they can stand it, at the expense of seeking to find God's purpose for the child. Our mission is to equip and send. Would your children feel guilty for answering God's call to the mission field? Would they suspect they were abandoning or disappointing you?
2. Build on what they know. Education is a building process, and the foundation is always on previous learning. No matter where a child is, always start with what he knows. Take one bite at a time. Information--like vitamins--sometimes need to be chopped up.
I have a memory--not the most glorious moment in our homeschool. The twins were in first grade, and I was disappointed that they did not know their addition facts. In the urgency of panic, I finally said, "We're not doing lunch until you can make it through this stack of math facts in a minute." (Don't try this at home.) I can still see them--wadding the front of their shirts up in frenzied terror, desperately trying to sputter out those math facts. Suddenly, with the threat of starvation imminent, they could barely remember 1 + 1, much less 5 + 4. The tension mounted, until I finally acknowledged my grievous error and fed my kids and came up with a new plan: Start with the cards they know, and throw in one new fact a day. And never make a six-year-old cry over math facts. There are bigger things to cry about in this world.
3. Make the most of the morning. I feel sorry for kids who start school (in their pajamas) at 10:00. It might work out best for moms, who appreciate a slower-paced morning and a lingering cup o' joe at the computer, but kids, as a general rule, wake up with creative energy and optimism in the morning that seems to wane as the day goes by. Get the tough stuff done early.
4. Grade everything. It's tempting, in the overwhelming time crunch, to let papers stack up. I assure you, it will not be a happy day when you finally begin to wade through it. Children need constant accountability, and something very, very amazing begins to happen when they perceive that their papers are not being scrutinized. Even if you have to short-cut with a checkmark at the top, leave your fingerprints on everything they write. Check workbooks, folders, desks, and papers as soon as you can. Catch laziness and apathy as soon as it surfaces. Human nature has a natural bent, and it most definitely is NOT toward unsupervised diligence. I heard once of a mom who saved all the papers until the year was over, and went through them. In May. I think we can all be glad we weren't there.
5. Be willing to learn. Little secret: Homeschool moms don't know everything. We are just really, really fast learners. Our attitude toward our "bad" subjects will spill over to our kids. It's hard to imagine a child loving math, if his mom complains every day that she's just "not an algebra person." I'm not really swift in science either, but we have to offer our kids more than ourselves. It's a big, competitive world out there. I comfort myself that these textbooks are written for 14-year-olds, so that means I should be able to get it. I love being able to get advice from smart friends who can do these subjects. I've been known to call my publisher for explanations on math problems. Thomas Jefferson said that he never met a sprig of grass that didn't intrigue him. Come to think of it--he was homeschooled! If we love to learn our kids' material, then they might find some interest as well.
6. Who is talking in school? Unfortunately, we assume that teacher does all the talking, and students do all the listening. Be careful of doing all the talking and assuming all that information is finding a home in your child's eager little mind. None of us like to admit this, but we all appreciate a teacher who shows us what WE can do more than the teacher who shows us what SHE can do. I never cared how smart my teachers were, but my favorites were the teachers--like my sixth grade history teacher--who took me farther than I thought I could, and helped me to accomplish more than I realized I could. Draw your child out of himself. Do you know how your child's mind works? Some kids are visual learners, who remember everything they lay their eyes on. Other kids are auditory--they have to hear themselves say it out loud, or hear little cheers and memory aids. Other kids absorb information through movement: They respond to experiments and projects, or to drawing maps and images that engage their mind.
7. Fun is overrated. I know: It's what the publishers use to sell their products. Our personal favorite ad is the mother, smiling in the background (dressed in pearls and a fancy blouse) as she uses a mixer. In the forefront is her son, using a video monitor. No ear buds. But despite that little flaw, it just looks fun, and cozy: Mom, baking a birthday cake in the background, while Timmy learns his multiplication tables. But we have to be careful not to overlook the simple everyday joy of accomplishment. We don't have to get too carried away with the lure of "your kids will love learning!" School is also about hard work. It's one of the first ways our children learn to be diligent and finish "unpleasant" tasks, to work even when they're tired, to finish well even when it's been a tough race. These are some of the most valuable lessons school has to offer. Don't use too much frosting.
8. Be the toughest employer they've ever had. Someone else will expect honest hard work out of them. Don't make the manager at Lowe's, or the foreman at the quarry, or the president of the bank, be the first guy who ever told him to buck up. Don't ask your child to learn how to rise early for the first time in his life when he's 19. Face these challenges of character together. The purpose of homeschooling isn't to make education easy.
9. Beware of comparison. For some reason, having the responsibility of educating our own children seems to bring out a tremendous amount of insecurity in parents. We see a child who is faster at speed drills, or who is reading classical literature, and we wonder: Am I failing my child? There are enough scholastic tests and guides available to answer that question. We should never use other families or other children as our measuring stick. And for those who might be on the other side of equation: Don't jump too quickly to skip grades and advance your child to the next grade or level just because you've noticed he's smarter than another child. And please--whatever you do--don't say discouraging things to moms whose kiddos are struggling. They already know it.
10. Enjoy your child. You are not only his teacher. You are his cheerleader, his advocate, and the one person in the world who should be left standing when everyone else wants to give up. It's a sacred privilege to fill those shoes. Don't quit.
I love homeschooling, and if you are just getting your start, I hope you do too!
"It is good to give thanks unto the Lord. . ."
Many people have turned to Psalm 91 in times of distress, but it was Psalm 92 that my Bible fell open to yesterday. "It is good to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High: to show forth thy loving-kindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness upon every night."
The Lord has given us many direct answers to prayer this week. Having sat in a children's hospital, passing children in the hall as they dragged around their chemo IV, or listening to the distressful cries each night of an 8-month-old baby across the hall who has spent every single day of his life in that hospital . . . we don't take our answers to prayer for granted. It is good to give thanks.
We started the week with a mystery: Jonathan developed a headache Saturday that continued into Sunday. By Sunday afternoon, his left eye was sagging, and he could only open it half-way. I gave him some Excedrin Migraine, assuming he was developing a migraine and wanting to head it off before it got more severe. During the night, Jonathan could feel the swelling and pressure increasing behind his eye. By Monday morning, the left eye was completely swollen shut. By the time I got him in to the local clinic, that eye had ballooned so that the eye lid was completely stretched, and the swelling was creeping down half of his face. I thought it surely must be a reaction to the heavy dose of aspirin in the Excedrin, and I went to the clinic hoping they could administer an antihistamine to offset the reaction. As it turned out, an X-ray showed that Jonathan had a very serious sinus infection in his left sinus cavity. The physicians at the clinic gave a shot of Benadryl and prescribed antibiotic and ice packs.
The Benadryl did work a little, but as I went online and started throwing these symptoms into my search engine, the word "abscess" started showing up. Of all the dozens of sites that I skimmed, one of them stood out: It was the story of a 19-year-old boy in Texas who also woke up one day with his left eye swollen shut. The doctors discovered he had a silent and aggressive sinus infection that was beginning to penetrate the brain. It was the eerie similarity to Jonathan's case--waking up with the left eye swollen shut--that had enabled this story to show up in my random search. Although the images of that boy were far more advanced and severe than Jonathan's, there was enough in common to frighten me. I called my sister-in-law, who is a nurse. She immediately called a doctor in their church, who relayed information back to us right away. He instructed us to get Jonathan in to an Ear, Nose, Throat (ENT) specialist within a day, "sooner, rather than later." We would need a referral for this, but our clinic nurses were not optimistic that they could get a referral for us that quickly. Although they tried calling several ENT's, they kept running in to snags.
By Tuesday, Jonathan's symptoms were slightly improved. But as the evening progressed, his swelling and the pain was returning. Our clinic nurse suggested going to an ER the next day, if we really wanted to see an ENT. But we hated to make Jonathan go through a whole night of that pain, and we were both uneasy that the antibiotic had not made more of a turn-around by then. We headed down to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital in St. Louis.
The Lord was working--even though it was hard to see at the time. As it turned out, the ER at Cardinal Glennon chose to do a CT scan, which allowed the radiologists to see clearly that Jonathan not only had the extensive sinus infection, but also that he had two abscesses: One in his sinus, and one that had lodged behind his left eye. The infection had breached the thin bone next to the eye and was dangerously close to the optic nerve, which gave it a direct route to the brain. An ophthalmologist was called in, and she did a thorough eye exam in the ER from 2 - 4 AM (Wed.). She told us that the condition was dangerous, but that Jonathan still had 20/20 vision in both eyes. So she made the call to allow the doctors to begin IV antibiotics and wait to do surgery during the daytime. The next day, we were able to see the ENT we had so desperately wanted a referral for. He was able to make an informed decision, based on the CT scan as well as the extensive report from the ophthalmologist. If I had had my way, the meeting with the ENT would have taken place Monday, in an office. Instead, we had a wealth of information in the ER that influenced the ENT correctly to decide to do the surgery.
The surgery was not without its risks, since the doctors were dealing with an active infection very close to the optic nerve and the brain. They did not want to send the infection farther back into Jonathan's head, but they did not feel they had time to wait on the antibiotic.
I know it was not an accident that God scheduled our son's surgery for a Wednesday night, from 6 - 8 PM, the exact hour when Christians typically meet for their weekly prayer service. Churches from Florida to Montana were praying for Jonathan. I know that we owe a great deal of thanks to Christians who prayed that night--many of them people we don't even know, who were just being faithful on a Wednesday night to go to church and pray for a teenage boy they had never met. I will never take it for granted again when someone says, "I'm praying for you!" And may the Lord help me never, ever to forget to pray for another in need.
The surgery went extremely well. The surgeon was able to operate by putting a camera through the nostril and then drilling a small hole in the infected bone (yes, there is more than one reason why they don't want you awake during surgery!). They then could drain the abscess and infection away from the eye. Jonathan's recovery has been very good. Although he still has some double vision and difficulty getting that left eye to respond to quick movement, the doctors believe he will make a complete recovery and that those nerves will heal and begin cooperating with the brain again. By one doctor's estimate, Jonathan could have been within 3 days of losing that eye, had he gone untreated.
But, thankfully, God has no "if." He was in control all the time, even when we felt so helpless. He knew the CT scan results before it was ever taken, and He put us at the right hospital, with the right doctors, at exactly the right time. We are so thankful for how He worked, and we know that God has a plan for that left eye. After all, there must be a reason He allowed someone to pray for us.
The Lord has given us many direct answers to prayer this week. Having sat in a children's hospital, passing children in the hall as they dragged around their chemo IV, or listening to the distressful cries each night of an 8-month-old baby across the hall who has spent every single day of his life in that hospital . . . we don't take our answers to prayer for granted. It is good to give thanks.
We started the week with a mystery: Jonathan developed a headache Saturday that continued into Sunday. By Sunday afternoon, his left eye was sagging, and he could only open it half-way. I gave him some Excedrin Migraine, assuming he was developing a migraine and wanting to head it off before it got more severe. During the night, Jonathan could feel the swelling and pressure increasing behind his eye. By Monday morning, the left eye was completely swollen shut. By the time I got him in to the local clinic, that eye had ballooned so that the eye lid was completely stretched, and the swelling was creeping down half of his face. I thought it surely must be a reaction to the heavy dose of aspirin in the Excedrin, and I went to the clinic hoping they could administer an antihistamine to offset the reaction. As it turned out, an X-ray showed that Jonathan had a very serious sinus infection in his left sinus cavity. The physicians at the clinic gave a shot of Benadryl and prescribed antibiotic and ice packs.
The Benadryl did work a little, but as I went online and started throwing these symptoms into my search engine, the word "abscess" started showing up. Of all the dozens of sites that I skimmed, one of them stood out: It was the story of a 19-year-old boy in Texas who also woke up one day with his left eye swollen shut. The doctors discovered he had a silent and aggressive sinus infection that was beginning to penetrate the brain. It was the eerie similarity to Jonathan's case--waking up with the left eye swollen shut--that had enabled this story to show up in my random search. Although the images of that boy were far more advanced and severe than Jonathan's, there was enough in common to frighten me. I called my sister-in-law, who is a nurse. She immediately called a doctor in their church, who relayed information back to us right away. He instructed us to get Jonathan in to an Ear, Nose, Throat (ENT) specialist within a day, "sooner, rather than later." We would need a referral for this, but our clinic nurses were not optimistic that they could get a referral for us that quickly. Although they tried calling several ENT's, they kept running in to snags.
By Tuesday, Jonathan's symptoms were slightly improved. But as the evening progressed, his swelling and the pain was returning. Our clinic nurse suggested going to an ER the next day, if we really wanted to see an ENT. But we hated to make Jonathan go through a whole night of that pain, and we were both uneasy that the antibiotic had not made more of a turn-around by then. We headed down to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital in St. Louis.
The Lord was working--even though it was hard to see at the time. As it turned out, the ER at Cardinal Glennon chose to do a CT scan, which allowed the radiologists to see clearly that Jonathan not only had the extensive sinus infection, but also that he had two abscesses: One in his sinus, and one that had lodged behind his left eye. The infection had breached the thin bone next to the eye and was dangerously close to the optic nerve, which gave it a direct route to the brain. An ophthalmologist was called in, and she did a thorough eye exam in the ER from 2 - 4 AM (Wed.). She told us that the condition was dangerous, but that Jonathan still had 20/20 vision in both eyes. So she made the call to allow the doctors to begin IV antibiotics and wait to do surgery during the daytime. The next day, we were able to see the ENT we had so desperately wanted a referral for. He was able to make an informed decision, based on the CT scan as well as the extensive report from the ophthalmologist. If I had had my way, the meeting with the ENT would have taken place Monday, in an office. Instead, we had a wealth of information in the ER that influenced the ENT correctly to decide to do the surgery.
The surgery was not without its risks, since the doctors were dealing with an active infection very close to the optic nerve and the brain. They did not want to send the infection farther back into Jonathan's head, but they did not feel they had time to wait on the antibiotic.
I know it was not an accident that God scheduled our son's surgery for a Wednesday night, from 6 - 8 PM, the exact hour when Christians typically meet for their weekly prayer service. Churches from Florida to Montana were praying for Jonathan. I know that we owe a great deal of thanks to Christians who prayed that night--many of them people we don't even know, who were just being faithful on a Wednesday night to go to church and pray for a teenage boy they had never met. I will never take it for granted again when someone says, "I'm praying for you!" And may the Lord help me never, ever to forget to pray for another in need.
The surgery went extremely well. The surgeon was able to operate by putting a camera through the nostril and then drilling a small hole in the infected bone (yes, there is more than one reason why they don't want you awake during surgery!). They then could drain the abscess and infection away from the eye. Jonathan's recovery has been very good. Although he still has some double vision and difficulty getting that left eye to respond to quick movement, the doctors believe he will make a complete recovery and that those nerves will heal and begin cooperating with the brain again. By one doctor's estimate, Jonathan could have been within 3 days of losing that eye, had he gone untreated.
But, thankfully, God has no "if." He was in control all the time, even when we felt so helpless. He knew the CT scan results before it was ever taken, and He put us at the right hospital, with the right doctors, at exactly the right time. We are so thankful for how He worked, and we know that God has a plan for that left eye. After all, there must be a reason He allowed someone to pray for us.
Happy Birthday Mom!
Happy birthday today to my mom! I just wanted to take this once-a-year opportunity to thank my mom for so diligently passing on her faith to us three kids, and now to her 15 grandchildren. We are very blessed to have our mom, and we do "rise up and call her blessed," as Proverbs 31 says.
* * * * * *
My earliest memories of my mom are of her laughing, or swinging into my bedroom early in the morning and throwing off my covers with a "Good morning, good morning, good morning!" I remember an early morning, probably before I even was old enough to go to school, and I crawled up into her lap while she read her Bible. She was reading John 10, the story of the Good Shepherd. And later when I received my own large-print Bible in kindergarten, it was the first passage I wanted to find. I remember stalling mom at bedtime with deep Bible questions, and even though she surely knew my ploy, she answered them anyway. And I remember those answers. I remember eavesdropping from the garage when she recited Scripture to the Mormons on our doorstep. I remember the backyard Bible clubs, and homemade popsicles, and the stories she read aloud to us. My childhood was saturated with her love for us as well as her love for God.
* * * *
As I grew older, I began to realize that mom's contagious happiness had met serious opposition over the years. On long car trips, she would reminisce about her dad, and tell the story of his untimely death when she was just 18 years old. She would talk about the lonely days, of walking down into the woods with Grandpa's loyal dog, and crying on the wood pile. She would talk about having to work a year of night-shift factory work after her dad died, so she could attend college. And then she would add, "Oh, how I WISH my dad could have met you all!" She buried her mother before she turned 40, and several years later, when her older brother was killed by a drunk driver, she responded to the news by saying, "I KNOW there's a praise in here somewhere . . ." She was well-anchored, and I knew it.
* * * * * *
While dusting the living furniture one day as a teenager, I stopped to look at my mom's Bible. Thumbing through the onion-skin pages, I found what I always knew was there. Her personal notes, the red pencil underlinings, the quick sermon outlines jotted to the side of special chapters and in the middle margin, confirmed to me that her walk matched her talk. The Bible verses she had made me learn, for school, or family devotions, or AWANA, were underlined too. Her walk with God was rooted in truth, in a living relationship. Even though I had been saved since I was five, I wanted to make sure that mine was more than just a mechanical Christianity. I, too, wanted a Christianity that thrived when no one was looking, that could grow in a private walk with God, that could produce hope and joy in a world that often makes no sense.
* * * * * *
I am so thankful my mom is real. She has never pretended to be perfect. She is usually her own worst critic and the first one to bring up her mistakes. But she gave me the most important gift a mom can ever give her children: She gave me a reason to trust God.
* * * * * *
My earliest memories of my mom are of her laughing, or swinging into my bedroom early in the morning and throwing off my covers with a "Good morning, good morning, good morning!" I remember an early morning, probably before I even was old enough to go to school, and I crawled up into her lap while she read her Bible. She was reading John 10, the story of the Good Shepherd. And later when I received my own large-print Bible in kindergarten, it was the first passage I wanted to find. I remember stalling mom at bedtime with deep Bible questions, and even though she surely knew my ploy, she answered them anyway. And I remember those answers. I remember eavesdropping from the garage when she recited Scripture to the Mormons on our doorstep. I remember the backyard Bible clubs, and homemade popsicles, and the stories she read aloud to us. My childhood was saturated with her love for us as well as her love for God.
* * * *
As I grew older, I began to realize that mom's contagious happiness had met serious opposition over the years. On long car trips, she would reminisce about her dad, and tell the story of his untimely death when she was just 18 years old. She would talk about the lonely days, of walking down into the woods with Grandpa's loyal dog, and crying on the wood pile. She would talk about having to work a year of night-shift factory work after her dad died, so she could attend college. And then she would add, "Oh, how I WISH my dad could have met you all!" She buried her mother before she turned 40, and several years later, when her older brother was killed by a drunk driver, she responded to the news by saying, "I KNOW there's a praise in here somewhere . . ." She was well-anchored, and I knew it.
* * * * * *
While dusting the living furniture one day as a teenager, I stopped to look at my mom's Bible. Thumbing through the onion-skin pages, I found what I always knew was there. Her personal notes, the red pencil underlinings, the quick sermon outlines jotted to the side of special chapters and in the middle margin, confirmed to me that her walk matched her talk. The Bible verses she had made me learn, for school, or family devotions, or AWANA, were underlined too. Her walk with God was rooted in truth, in a living relationship. Even though I had been saved since I was five, I wanted to make sure that mine was more than just a mechanical Christianity. I, too, wanted a Christianity that thrived when no one was looking, that could grow in a private walk with God, that could produce hope and joy in a world that often makes no sense.
* * * * * *
I am so thankful my mom is real. She has never pretended to be perfect. She is usually her own worst critic and the first one to bring up her mistakes. But she gave me the most important gift a mom can ever give her children: She gave me a reason to trust God.
Motivating Kids to Help
When I first had my twins, I was often asked, "How do you get it all done?" Almost fifteen years and a total of six kids later, my answer has not actually changed: "I don't." And nobody else does either, I don't care what they say.
Having said that, a lot CAN get done, and I hope that I can encourage a young mom or two out there who may be struggling with how to motivate her work-crew to pitch in and do their part. And--since I doubt any of these ideas are actually original with me, thanks to my mom, mother-in-law, and all the pastor's wives and older moms who have shared their tips with me over the years!
Tip #1: Love work.
Seriously! Tom Sawyer was right. Our kids develop their attitude toward work (also called a "work ethic") by listening to us. If we resent dirty dishes, laundry stains, and weeds, our children will view them as punishment. Listen to the ladies at the nursing home--even the ones who are suffering from dementia and don't know where they are. They all reminisce about work. They don't share tales about the vacation to Italy, or all the Saturday mornings they slept in. They tell about how they had to carry their water, and the hot summer days of canning in a summer house, and the time the cows got out. They tell their stories with a smile, and from the edge of their beds they have a lesson for the rest of us: It's a privilege to have a healthy body that can still work. Never apologize to your children for making them work.
Tip #2: Small rewards.
We live in the Age of Entitlements, and kids get paid $10.00 for checking the mail. Giving a child an allowance, whether he has done a good job or not, is like offering paid vacations to eight-year-olds. Pay-per-job, if you decide to pay at all, but don't overestimate the paid worth of a child's labor. Those skinny little bodies that love to jump, climb, and run EVERYWHERE are built for work, not sitting. A small reward to say thanks and to keep it all fun is sufficient.
Tip #3: Scheduled jobs.
Everybody has a list. In our family, the lists alternate each week, so our kids rotate on a five-week schedule. Everybody gets their turn to fold, clean sinks, sweep the porch, wash dishes, etc. Predictability is stability. They learn to do a variety of jobs--and, like the weather--if you don't like your job, just wait a week!
Tip #4: Follow through.
A child is not "trained" completely in a job until he can do it unsupervised and be trusted to do it well. Until then, consider yourself a trainer. You have to follow up, check the work, and send him back again . . . and again . . . and again. If he consistently cannot get a particular job done well, then you have either overestimated his ability, or he has a serious character flaw that needs to be dealt with.
Tip #5: Make "yourself" the reward.
Your kids want to be with you, having fun. Offer incentives that allow your children to be with you for fun time, once their job is done. While independence is good and expected as children grow older, beware of constantly rewarding good behavior with isolation: video game time, TV time, a cell phone, etc. What about getting to stay up ten minutes later than everyone else, playing a game with mom and dad, if you're on dishes that day?
Tip #6: Develop volunteers.
Regular jobs require a draft, but what about those "extra" jobs? One way to train the kids to think of work as a privilege is to allow them to pick which job they want to do. Suddenly, it's a small luxury to do job #2 (organizing the pantry shelves), which was so much more fun than job #6 (changing the litter box). Make that to-do list really, really long, and the fun jobs will surface to the top like cream on fresh milk. :) Kids have an amazing radar for spotting the "fun" jobs. And isn't that really what we wanted all along--"fun" and "job" in the same sentence?
Tip #7: Genuine thanks.
Nobody wants to work all day, only to be told, "Well, it was about time you cleaned up that pigpen! I wonder how long it will take you to mess it back up again!" Why do adults think that will inspire children to work harder?? A simple "Thanks! Looks great!" would have done the trick. No gushy-gush, but just a sincere thank-you will teach them to do what is expected of them.
Tip #8: Real work.
Let children fill the biggest shoes they can. If they can use a screwdriver or even a drill, then give them simple repair tasks that require one. This reminds them that they are part of a team of workers, an army of ants, not just a decoration who needs jobs to keep him out of trouble.
Tip #9: Momentum.
How much can you clean up the house in 10 minutes--WAIT: I have to get my stop-watch ready. OK: Ready, get set, GO! Not all clean-up jobs need to take all morning. The laws of physics remind us that any object, no matter how light, travelling at a high enough rate of speed, can be lethal. And any group of kids, travelling at a high enough rate of speed, can do a LOT of cleaning up in a very, very short amount of time.
Tip #10: No perfectionism allowed.
Perfectionism stifles work and creativity, leaves children feeling unable to perform, and never resolves into genuine success. No one is ever good enough, no job is ever done, and no goal is ever truly accomplished. If your friends have a hang-up about a little dust on picture frames, too bad. Don't borrow their hang ups and make them yours. If they have time and money for therapy--Great! But you have bigger fish to fry. To my knowledge, no one has ever died yet because of dust or fingerprints. At least not in my house. But worry and stress kill people every year. Even after we have all done our best, and have worked hard, there will still be imperfections. Get over it. :)
Well, time for David and me to go organize the freezer (job #7, right under "Clean kitchen drawers). Happy cleaning!
Suggestions for jobs--
Some have asked what jobs to give children. For toddlers and preschoolers, the most important factor is you. They learn alongside you. Their job is whatever your job is: rinsing the dishes you wash, picking up the toys they just played with, being your helper. So that list will be pretty long--since our mommy lists are also quite long. :)
As for the scheduled lists--here are mine. This is by no means exhaustive. Others will have different jobs to add. I just started with a "Master List" of every job I could think of that I could afford to delegate and expect the kids to do reasonably well (taking into account that "practice makes perfect"). So here's just a suggested list. We rotate each week, and since we have five independent workers (Josh is still at the "mommy's helper" stage), that means a five-week rotation. My ultimate goal was to be able to say "Everyone do your jobs!" and to have a very clean-looking house within 20 minutes. For the most part, it does work--for surface cleaning, anyway.
"Red" block jobs: Dishes/kitchen clean up all day Monday (sweep the floor, wash dishes, clear table, wash surfaces). Also, dishes for Saturday breakfast. Bathroom sink each morning, empty bathroom trash each morning, do all windows and mirrors each day.
"White" block jobs: Tuesday kitchen/dish duty all day (same as above). Also, dishes/kitchen for Saturday lunch. Folding just the socks for each laundry load. Vacuuming the living room each morning.
"Yellow" block jobs: Wednesday kitchen/dish duty all day. Also, dishes/kitchen for Saturday supper. Folding laundry (this person gets to "make the piles"--and the "green" person gets to pick which pile they each fold). Dusting living room twice a week.
"Green" block jobs: Thursday kitchen/dishes duty all day. Folding laundry (this person gets to be the first to choose which pile of laundry he wants to fold--saves arguments). Sweep porch and deck each morning.
"Blue" block jobs: Friday kitchen/dishes duty all day. Sweep bathroom floor and wipe toilet (supposed to be daily--my follow-through is lacking on this one).
Also, each child has to make his own bed and clean up his room each morning. Nathan and David also alternate on feeding the outdoor pets. On Saturdays I add one or two extra bigger jobs to their lists: cleaning the garage, straightening the school room and/or basement, washing the van, organizing a shelf or area that has gotten cluttered, etc. That is where my huge list comes in handy, where they get to sign up for two jobs of their choice. When things get really busy and out of hand and we need a major straightening up, for fun, sometimes I line the kids up and let them each choose a room in the house to clean well.
Just some ideas--nothing but a springboard. Hope it gets your imagination working! :)
Having said that, a lot CAN get done, and I hope that I can encourage a young mom or two out there who may be struggling with how to motivate her work-crew to pitch in and do their part. And--since I doubt any of these ideas are actually original with me, thanks to my mom, mother-in-law, and all the pastor's wives and older moms who have shared their tips with me over the years!
Tip #1: Love work.
Seriously! Tom Sawyer was right. Our kids develop their attitude toward work (also called a "work ethic") by listening to us. If we resent dirty dishes, laundry stains, and weeds, our children will view them as punishment. Listen to the ladies at the nursing home--even the ones who are suffering from dementia and don't know where they are. They all reminisce about work. They don't share tales about the vacation to Italy, or all the Saturday mornings they slept in. They tell about how they had to carry their water, and the hot summer days of canning in a summer house, and the time the cows got out. They tell their stories with a smile, and from the edge of their beds they have a lesson for the rest of us: It's a privilege to have a healthy body that can still work. Never apologize to your children for making them work.
Tip #2: Small rewards.
We live in the Age of Entitlements, and kids get paid $10.00 for checking the mail. Giving a child an allowance, whether he has done a good job or not, is like offering paid vacations to eight-year-olds. Pay-per-job, if you decide to pay at all, but don't overestimate the paid worth of a child's labor. Those skinny little bodies that love to jump, climb, and run EVERYWHERE are built for work, not sitting. A small reward to say thanks and to keep it all fun is sufficient.
Tip #3: Scheduled jobs.
Everybody has a list. In our family, the lists alternate each week, so our kids rotate on a five-week schedule. Everybody gets their turn to fold, clean sinks, sweep the porch, wash dishes, etc. Predictability is stability. They learn to do a variety of jobs--and, like the weather--if you don't like your job, just wait a week!
Tip #4: Follow through.
A child is not "trained" completely in a job until he can do it unsupervised and be trusted to do it well. Until then, consider yourself a trainer. You have to follow up, check the work, and send him back again . . . and again . . . and again. If he consistently cannot get a particular job done well, then you have either overestimated his ability, or he has a serious character flaw that needs to be dealt with.
Tip #5: Make "yourself" the reward.
Your kids want to be with you, having fun. Offer incentives that allow your children to be with you for fun time, once their job is done. While independence is good and expected as children grow older, beware of constantly rewarding good behavior with isolation: video game time, TV time, a cell phone, etc. What about getting to stay up ten minutes later than everyone else, playing a game with mom and dad, if you're on dishes that day?
Tip #6: Develop volunteers.
Regular jobs require a draft, but what about those "extra" jobs? One way to train the kids to think of work as a privilege is to allow them to pick which job they want to do. Suddenly, it's a small luxury to do job #2 (organizing the pantry shelves), which was so much more fun than job #6 (changing the litter box). Make that to-do list really, really long, and the fun jobs will surface to the top like cream on fresh milk. :) Kids have an amazing radar for spotting the "fun" jobs. And isn't that really what we wanted all along--"fun" and "job" in the same sentence?
Tip #7: Genuine thanks.
Nobody wants to work all day, only to be told, "Well, it was about time you cleaned up that pigpen! I wonder how long it will take you to mess it back up again!" Why do adults think that will inspire children to work harder?? A simple "Thanks! Looks great!" would have done the trick. No gushy-gush, but just a sincere thank-you will teach them to do what is expected of them.
Tip #8: Real work.
Let children fill the biggest shoes they can. If they can use a screwdriver or even a drill, then give them simple repair tasks that require one. This reminds them that they are part of a team of workers, an army of ants, not just a decoration who needs jobs to keep him out of trouble.
Tip #9: Momentum.
How much can you clean up the house in 10 minutes--WAIT: I have to get my stop-watch ready. OK: Ready, get set, GO! Not all clean-up jobs need to take all morning. The laws of physics remind us that any object, no matter how light, travelling at a high enough rate of speed, can be lethal. And any group of kids, travelling at a high enough rate of speed, can do a LOT of cleaning up in a very, very short amount of time.
Tip #10: No perfectionism allowed.
Perfectionism stifles work and creativity, leaves children feeling unable to perform, and never resolves into genuine success. No one is ever good enough, no job is ever done, and no goal is ever truly accomplished. If your friends have a hang-up about a little dust on picture frames, too bad. Don't borrow their hang ups and make them yours. If they have time and money for therapy--Great! But you have bigger fish to fry. To my knowledge, no one has ever died yet because of dust or fingerprints. At least not in my house. But worry and stress kill people every year. Even after we have all done our best, and have worked hard, there will still be imperfections. Get over it. :)
Well, time for David and me to go organize the freezer (job #7, right under "Clean kitchen drawers). Happy cleaning!
Suggestions for jobs--
Some have asked what jobs to give children. For toddlers and preschoolers, the most important factor is you. They learn alongside you. Their job is whatever your job is: rinsing the dishes you wash, picking up the toys they just played with, being your helper. So that list will be pretty long--since our mommy lists are also quite long. :)
As for the scheduled lists--here are mine. This is by no means exhaustive. Others will have different jobs to add. I just started with a "Master List" of every job I could think of that I could afford to delegate and expect the kids to do reasonably well (taking into account that "practice makes perfect"). So here's just a suggested list. We rotate each week, and since we have five independent workers (Josh is still at the "mommy's helper" stage), that means a five-week rotation. My ultimate goal was to be able to say "Everyone do your jobs!" and to have a very clean-looking house within 20 minutes. For the most part, it does work--for surface cleaning, anyway.
"Red" block jobs: Dishes/kitchen clean up all day Monday (sweep the floor, wash dishes, clear table, wash surfaces). Also, dishes for Saturday breakfast. Bathroom sink each morning, empty bathroom trash each morning, do all windows and mirrors each day.
"White" block jobs: Tuesday kitchen/dish duty all day (same as above). Also, dishes/kitchen for Saturday lunch. Folding just the socks for each laundry load. Vacuuming the living room each morning.
"Yellow" block jobs: Wednesday kitchen/dish duty all day. Also, dishes/kitchen for Saturday supper. Folding laundry (this person gets to "make the piles"--and the "green" person gets to pick which pile they each fold). Dusting living room twice a week.
"Green" block jobs: Thursday kitchen/dishes duty all day. Folding laundry (this person gets to be the first to choose which pile of laundry he wants to fold--saves arguments). Sweep porch and deck each morning.
"Blue" block jobs: Friday kitchen/dishes duty all day. Sweep bathroom floor and wipe toilet (supposed to be daily--my follow-through is lacking on this one).
Also, each child has to make his own bed and clean up his room each morning. Nathan and David also alternate on feeding the outdoor pets. On Saturdays I add one or two extra bigger jobs to their lists: cleaning the garage, straightening the school room and/or basement, washing the van, organizing a shelf or area that has gotten cluttered, etc. That is where my huge list comes in handy, where they get to sign up for two jobs of their choice. When things get really busy and out of hand and we need a major straightening up, for fun, sometimes I line the kids up and let them each choose a room in the house to clean well.
Just some ideas--nothing but a springboard. Hope it gets your imagination working! :)
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