When I was
in the 8th grade, I asked for flute lessons. My band teacher had recommended that I find a
teacher that summer, sensing that I needed more help with theory. While working in her flowerbeds one day, my
mom had a conversation with our neighbor, Mr. Tobin. Mr. and Mrs. Tobin were the kind of neighbors
who gave loving audience to our entire childhoods. They watched us learn how to walk in the backyard
in the early 1970’s; they worried us through our tree-climbing stage; they
forgave us for kicking the kickball too hard into their red wooden fence; they
hired my brothers to mow their lawn; and even now, decades later and
wheel-chair bound, they still sit in their same kitchen and ask my mom how we
are doing. It is fitting that my story
of music would begin with Mr. Tobin.
As God had
planned it, Mr. Tobin has a niece who is a professional flutist. At that time, she was a 19-year-old college student,
still living at home—just a block from our house. Mr. Tobin told my mom about his niece, and my
mom went to visit her and ask about music lessons. That summer, God answered the desire of my
heart by placing me under the tutelage of an enthusiastic, cheerful, and exemplary
flutist who agreed to take on just one student during her break, charging us a
mere $4 a lesson. Once, when she forgot
about a lesson, she taught me anyway: In
her pajamas! I loved my lessons with
Mary. She taught me for five years, until she left to earn her degree at Ithaca
and open a studio. In those five years, she fixed my bad habits
and introduced me to great composers, but most of all, she taught me how to love music. I wish
I could find her again and thank her.
The book I am using to teach Kaitlyn right now is the very same method
book Mary used for me. Her handwriting
is spilled all over it, with dates for our lessons in 1984 and reminders to “use
more support!” Our $4 went a long, long
way.
There are
many misnomers about music lessons and music performance. From the perspective of a student, a teacher,
and a parent, I’d like to share some of my simple observations about children
and music.
And Mary--wherever
you are—Thanks.
1. Have a clear goal.
Why do you
want your child to play an instrument or take voice lessons? This will instruct how you approach
lessons. And our goals really can vary.
Some kids
clearly do not show any inclination toward music. I’m not supposed to admit that, in this generation
of “We’re all awesome at EVERYTHING!”
But it’s true. Some kids really
are better with a basketball or a scientific calculator than a violin bow. But that doesn’t mean they should quit.
Music is one
of the few disciplines that utilize both hemispheres of the brain, which is why
it is used in brain therapy for stroke victims.
When Gabby Gifford (the senator who suffered a gunshot wound to the
brain) was trying to recover her language skills, her therapist taught her to
sing words that she could not speak. It
created new pathways into her brain, and she was able to regain some of her
language that way. Since most music involves
manual dexterity, music lessons also enhance fine motor skills. For
wind instruments, there is an added benefit.
When I took swim lessons, I realized that my lung capacity allowed me to
swim longer-than-usual distances underwater.
Yea flute! Children who work hard
at music are always rewarded in some way—even if not on a platform.
2. There is no substitute for practice.
It’s just in
the math: Lessons last 30 – 45 minutes a
week. Practice (generally) takes 3 – 5 hours
a week for an average student. We’ve all
seen what happened to Helen Keller in Miracle
Worker, but I wonder if that’s how people sometimes view music
teachers. A teacher is a coach, not a
miracle worker. He can teach and troubleshoot,
but he cannot infuse quality into bad
playing. That’s the “miracle” that
happens when you put down your cell phone and practice. J Don’t ask for lessons if you don’t have time
to practice regularly.
I remember a
girl in high school who played the trumpet in our band. She knew that I played the flute, and one day
she said to me, “I think the flute is nice.
I just want to play one song on it:
‘The Flight of the Bumblebee’.”
Here’s the deal: Nobody starts
with “The Flight of the Bumblebee.” They
start with “Merrily We Roll Along,” and then “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” and then
“Lightly Row,” and then, years after starting, they finally jump into “The Flight
of the Bumblebee.” Maybe. (My dad is still waiting for me to get it
done.)
Put in the
hours and take each step seriously. If
it’s worth playing, it’s worth practicing.
3. Use your gift to serve others.
My brother
has a chainsaw which he uses to cut wood to heat his home in the winter. If we were to log (no pun intended) his hours
of chopping and splitting all those cords of wood, it would be staggering. Many of his “days off” have been spent (along
with his wife and six children) working in anticipation of cold Pennsylvania
winters. His chainsaw does not sit on the fireplace mantle in a glass case, to
be admired by guests at dinner. While we
all enjoy watching the lumberjacks at the fair chopping up blocks of wood into
kiddie chairs, a chainsaw is really designed to be a tool for serving others,
many times at an exhausting expense. And
so is music.
Children who
have a musical gift need to be taught early to share their gift. Sing at the nursing home. Play a simple hymn for junior church. Play your instrument for an offertory. Kids who never play for anything except an
annual recital do not show as much interest in music as children who use their
music on a regular basis to serve others.
One of our favorite memories as a family is of Grandpa Valentin coming
in the fall for his weekly visit. When
he unloads his van, we all watch to make sure he remembered to bring his
guitar. After our busy days, we all like
to sit in the living room in the evening, sometimes reading, while he sings and
plays old folk songs for hours. Music is
much, much more than trophies. Children who have only played on platforms
and in competitions have not experienced the real purpose of their music. Find someone to bless.
4. Beware of pride.
The middle
letter of “pride” is “I.” Human nature
can be pretty ugly, without the Lord’s control.
Remember that the devil was a musician
before he was cast out of heaven.
One of the
challenges gifted students will face is the tendency toward competition. Part of this is imposed on them by
well-meaning (or otherwise) adults who ask, “When will you learn to play as
well as your sister?” or who say, “I bet you could win this year! You are better than the rest of the kids!”
I once had a
conversation with the couple who had served as the youth directors for my
husband’s youth group when he was a teenager.
I didn’t meet Jason until college, but their story about him didn’t
surprise me at all. Apparently their youth
group once went to a conference where there would be a piano competition. Before the competition began, a girl from
another church was showing off on the piano in front of the other teenagers. The boys in Jason’s youth group nudged him
and said, “Go play your piece! You are
better!” The youth director’s wife
watched from behind the scenes to see what would happen, and she was encouraged
when Jason just quietly shook his head and said, “No.” He was better than the girl playing, and he
wasn’t going to steal the piano and put her in her place.
Pride is
what takes God’s gift of music and turns it into a showpiece. It takes songs that were written to praise
God and focuses the attention back to people.
Here are
three little tips for helping to curb that ugly “spirit of competition” that wants
to rise up in all of us:
First: Pray for the person who is targeted by
your attitude of competition. Whether it’s the other pianist in your
church, or that other contestant in a competition, pray for them. Pray they will become a better musician than you are, and pray that God will give them
opportunities to use their gift. When
God answers your prayer, He will be making better musicians of both of
you.
Second: Ask the Lord to bring you into the company
of better musicians. One of the
reasons some kids experience pride is that they have not been around many other
musicians. They have been heaped with
praise and have not had to face anyone who could match their skill level. To cease growing is to begin dying. Being around others who are better than us
helps us to find ways to improve.
Third: Learn how to respond Biblically to praise and
criticism. Find a nice way to answer
someone who says, “That was just beautiful!
I don’t know how you play like that!”
How can we deflect the glory back to the Lord instead of absorbing it to
ourselves? How should we respond when we
fail? Even if we have done our best and
practiced, the Lord may allow us to mess up in order to remind us that we need
to depend on Him. Be thankful for those
lessons rather than resenting them. If someone points out our mistakes, don’t kill
the messenger, even if he seems picky.
What can we learn from people who point out our mistakes? When someone says to me, “I think I heard a
mistake . . .” I like to joke back, “Then you weren’t listening very well, because
there was more than one!” J
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Selfish
people concern themselves with what we think of them. Gracious people concern
themselves with what we think of God. In a world full of noise and harshness, music
is a beautiful tool for turning eyes upward.
Most of us just need to get out of the way of our own song.
“If
any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God;
if
any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth;
that
God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ,
to
whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever.
Amen.” (I Peter 4:11)
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