Christmas expectations

Maybe I can encourage those whose Christmas tree is going on a "diet" this year. :) Are you struggling with how to handle a lean budget? Is Santa sending back your lists with revisions and cuts?

Christmas is often very stressful because it is a season rich with traditions. We all want our kids to look back with same sense of "always" that we had growing up. Maybe you "always" made certain foods; "always" went certain places; and of course, "always" started of Christmas morning with the happy screech of Christmas paper wrap torn off mysterious packages piled under the tree. "Always" is actually a very dangerous word.

There are four things that can help ease the financial stress of this time of year. I hope this puts a spring back in your step, if the weight of unrealistic expectations has been slowing you down.

1. Find free/almost free traditions.

I love looking at Christmas lights. It's not free to the homeowners who will be paying their December electric bill in bricks of gold. :) But for the rest of us, it's a delightful tradition. I have many fond memories of taking a ten-minute drive with my family to a neighboring community where Christmas lights were fantastic. Turn on some Christmas music in the car (radio is still free too--yay!!).

Other free ideas:

Read the Christmas story and memorize Luke 2:1 - 14 as a family.

Pray earnestly for those who are suffering deep grief at this season.

Find a way to bless someone else through acts of kindness.

2. Be honest with older kids; be vague and optimistic with younger kids.

Older kids can handle the truth about budgets, and I view it as a valuable part of their growth. After all, they will someday have to make hard choices too. Why make them feel that you never had to do that? Why go into debt paying for electronics you can't afford just so they can have what other kids have? Teenagers may be more appreciative of small gifts if they understand the sacrifice.

But little kids are so easy to please! Three of Joshua's favorite toys are large items I bought for under $5 at Goodwill in previous Christmases. As one of their gifts, my brother used to give his kids a box of sugared cereal once a year, on Christmas. What a fun tradition! And knowing Elizabeth's skill with coupons, she probably got them free and earned points while she was at it. :)

3. Don't covet.

It is easy to overlook that tenth commandment. After all, it doesn't seem as catastrophic as adultery, murder, or idol worship. And maybe its consequences are sometimes easier to rein in for a while. But left unchecked, coveting can do as much harm as adultery. It can poison a marriage; it can create rebellion in kids who are subjected to parental jealousy and depression; and it can create anger toward God for not giving us the same things He gave others. David asked in Psalm 77:9, "Hath God forgotten to be gracious?" Coveting suggests that God leaves some people behind. Coveting is a noose, suffocating faith, hope, kindness, and joy.

4. Give creatively without distressing your budget.

Acts of kindness; budget-friendly baked goods (homemade bread is usually under $1/loaf); and relationship-building activities (borrowing a movie, working on a project together, or participating in a community event) are all ways to enjoy the meaning of the Christmas season without living above your means.

And suddenly, Christmas ends up being about Jesus and not about "stuff." Is that really such a bad thing?

Paid in Full

Probably the most emotionally-charged topic of any election season is the issue of tax-payer funded abortion. It is worth pausing between commercials and debates long enough to observe that every abortion leaves behind at least TWO victims: A child and his mother. One is the victim of surgical instruments and skilled profiteers; the other is often the victim of peer-pressure, abandonment, and the deception of clever lies packaged as harmless solutions.

I wish I could talk to this second victim--that mother who celebrates her child's due date or appointed death date every year in silent tears; who marks the passage of time by noting how old her child "would be" this year; who realizes too late that she has sold her birthright for pottage.

I would like to tell her that she can be forgiven.

Does she know that Jesus' blood is sufficient for every sin, not just the "small" ones? I would ask her to find refuge in her child's Creator. I would like to tell her that no sin is too deep to be covered by the blood of Christ.

I would just like her to know that her abortion has already been paid for--and not by taxpayers or politicians.

"Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain--
He washed it white as snow."

What matters more?

It was baseball season. My brother was playing on a 7th grade team that showed real athletic promise and the potential of a trophy at the end of the season. The coach was a young, lanky, athletic guy in his twenties--a likeable coach and a good strategist. There was an expectation that this summer would end with a championship, and we all were thrilled with the opportunity.

Shortly into the season, the coach decided to call for extra practices. Unfortunately, one of those was a Sunday practice that interfered with one of our church services. My brother went to the coach and explained that he would not be allowed to attend the Sunday practices because of church. Incredulous at this ridiculous decision, the coach scoffed, "Brian! What matters more?"

It was a good question.

The season finished as we all expected it would. There was an exciting championship game (and trophy), including a home run hit by one of the best athletes on the team--a boy who eventually went on to play in the Minor Leagues. We finished up with our end-of-summer picnic, and the boys moved forward with their lives and high school.

Not even a decade and a half after that legendary ball season, we were surprised to learn that my brother's young coach had succumbed to a vicious, deadly disease. Since we did not know him very well, I do not know if he ever found Christ as his Savior before he left this earth. We certainly hope so.

I honestly don't know where Brian's trophy is, and I'm sure the remarkable player who went on to play professionally has since retired from baseball.  Although our kids still visit that dusty ball diamond each summer to hit baseballs with their cousins, and I watch from the same tree-shaded bench where we cheered the boys on to victory, that legendary ball season of the late 1980’s is surely forgotten by all but the few who witnessed it.

Which really mattered more?

You and I are pulled in a million directions every day. We have families to care for, bills to pay, complicated relationships to sort through, and even our own need for rest in a hectic world. Every day, we are met with that taunting question, "Which matters more?"

When Mary of Bethany chose to set aside important responsibilities in order to listen at Jesus' feet, Jesus observed, "Mary hath chosen that good part." (Luke 10:42)

It really is true: Studying God's Word daily; attending Sunday school, church, and prayer meeting; and giving to the Lord's work will always cost you--financially, physically, maybe even emotionally. But something matters more than the life we are making down here. We must not flinch away from the sacrifice that is embedded in the obedient Christian life (Romans 12:1 - 2).   

For the glory of Thy name

Do you ever wonder if your prayers are “spiritual enough” for God to answer? Should all of our prayers be about spiritual matters only—or can we pray for small things too?

This week, we took ten teenagers to a teen overnight retreat called “Super Youth,” held in Detroit, Illinois. There were many games and activities to go along with our weekend of

preaching, and one of the activities that we were all looking forward to was lake time: zip-lining, kayaking, a water slide, and swimming. But, the weather forecast was calling for RAIN on Friday and Saturday!

So I prayed for the rain to stay away. It might not seem like a very spiritual prayer, but I knew that some of the kids attending the retreat were especially looking forward to swimming, and might even be able to appreciate the ten preaching sessions more if they had enjoyed a good time swimming. In the end, God said “yes” to my prayer for good weather, and we did not see

heavy rain until all the outdoor games were finished on Saturday!

Psalm 79:9 says, “Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of thy name.” In prayer, our appeal is always aimed toward the glory of God. In everything we pray—big or small—we

ought to ask ourselves, “How can God receive the glory through this prayer?” Even “small” prayer requests—like a sunny hour for swim time—can bring glory to God’s name.

Tools and Tongues

I remember the first sewing project my mom ever did with me. It was a small embroidery kit, with a picture of little girl sitting on a chair. I can still remember the hours of

weaving my sewing needle in and out of the fabric, trying to make the lines straight and even.

Learning to control a small instrument, such as a sewing needle, takes time and practice. There is skill in holding the needle still and then poking it up from the underside

of the embroidery hoop. Many little girls have felt the sharp prick of a needle that went into a thumb instead of the fabric!

James 3:5-8 describes another little “tool” that can be used for great good or “unruly evil”: the tongue. Far more painful than the prick of a needle are the piercings of a misplaced

word!

I don’t embroider much any more, but I do use my tongue every day. God has shown me the need to pray for His help in how I use my tongue, so that it may be a blessing and not

a curse to those around me. How quickly the tongue can surprise us with an unexpected prick of criticism, gossip, or complaining. Using my tongue wisely is a skill I still need

LOTS of practice in! Thankfully, we have a Friend to help us!

“Set a watch, Oh Lord, before my mouth.” Ps. 141:3

The Maze

Two weeks ago, we took a group of lively teenagers to the "Great Godfrey Corn Maze." It was my first experience to walk through a corn maze (at least on purpose!). Although the Godfrey Maze is not extremely large, I wondered if I would be the one to get lost (especially since I have a pretty long history of losing my way!).

But above our little maze, there was a wooden tower, where a young man sat watching for lost travelers. Each of our teams was given a flag with an orange pennant to wave if we needed extra help. In fact, rumor has it that the boys' team even sought his guidance during our competition to get through the maze the fastest!

Life can feel like a pretty confusing maze sometimes. Paul describes the feeling of trials and choices crashing around us this way: "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are preplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed . . . While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Cor. 4:8 - 18, excerpts)

The corn stalks that disoriented me a few weeks ago will shortly be torn down. The worrisome bank statements; painful rejections; troubling health conditions; political turmoil; fatigue and weariness: They will soon be torn down! So keep your eyes on your Friend in the tower. Don't be shy to ask for wisdom and help getting through the maze of trials and choices life brings. And never forget: This world is not our final home.

How to Teach First-Time Obedience to Children

First-time obedience is one of the most important lessons you can teach your child.  Almost every other lesson in life you may attempt to teach in the first twelves years hinges upon this important principle.  It can easily be summed up in two simple rules:  "Stop," and "Come."  Here are three things to remember in teaching first-time obedience to small children:  

1. Explain two important commands to your child: “Stop” and “Come”.

Tell him that these rules must be obeyed the first time, every time. Tell him what the consequence or punishment will be if he disobeys.

When a young child learns to stop and come on command, he grows up with an expectation of obedience toward his parents. This expectation naturally converts into obedience in other areas. Parents who successfully teach a child to come and to stop on command rarely have to fight many other battles. Over time, this lends itself toward harmony in the home rather than constant conflict.

2. Practice at home.

Home is the laboratory where we prepare for experiences in public. Home is where we practice chewing with our mouths closed, using manners, and using other healthy habits. Learning to come and to stop are even more important than learning hygiene, and they require just as much practice.

Tell the child, “Let’s practice coming! Go play with your toys, and when I say ‘Come!’, you come running to me as fast as you can!” Each day, invent new places from where you call the child (from the kitchen, from the bathroom, from the front porch, etc.). I have practiced this game with children at church, and they usually find it very amusing.

Practicing “stop” works the same way: Tell the child to walk around until you quietly say, “Stop.” (*Train with the same voice you plan to use at Walmart.) The child needs to practice freezing in place. Again, it is amusing to the child to freeze in awkward positions. (The mannequin game did not start in 2016.)

Tell the child that this is his “new normal.” Since he is clearly very good at coming and stopping on command, he is expected to do this with immediate obedience every day. This is not an unreasonable command. It will prevent accidents and property damage at friends’ homes. It will make your child a blessing to be around. It may save his life. Parking lots are especially unfriendly to children who do not learn to stop on command.

3. Avoid confusing the child with any inconsistencies.

Counting to 3, 5, or 10 causes the child to believe that he has multiple opportunities to disobey before a rule will be enforced. This runs counter to “first-time obedience,” and it is also contrary to how he will be treated under other authorities. Remember the game: He really can do this the first time.

Pleading for obedience instead of offering an immediate consequence places the authority with the child instead of with the adult in charge. Although there is no need to grind your teeth or make horrible threats, remember that a sweet, apologetic tone for commands is confusing to a child who has been told he will receive uncomfortable consequences for not coming. Speak with your God-given authority.

Three Scriptures that may be helpful are these: Genesis 18:19; I Samuel 2:29; and Proverbs 24:9.

Thoughts on Homework

It is as much a part of American culture as apple pie and baseball: Good parents do homework with their kids every night. Teachers sometimes even send home letters to parents at the beginning of the school year, explaining that there will be an expectation to that end.

Certainly no one will argue against helping a student study out loud for a spelling test, or occasionally helping with a tough assignment. In fact, one of the privileges I cherish very much is being able to tutor kids at times who struggle with English.  There are many reasons why a student needs an extra boost, and my thoughts today pertain more to the typical student who is capable of managing his own homework.  Here are four things to consider on this important but controversial subject:

1. Homework almost never affects a grade average in a significant way.

Most teachers do not count a missed answer as part of your child's grade average. The bulk of his grade will be earned through tests, exams, quizzes, and projects, not by workbook assignments. This is not to suggest at all that homework should not be finished and finished well (keep reading below . . .). But in most classes, you can afford the risk involved in letting your child cultivate his own thinking skills through homework.  This isn't going to cost him his Harvard scholarship.

2. Homework offers feedback to the teacher of what your child actually knows.

A good teacher is doing more than just scanning for answers in the blank. He/she is looking for a trend. Wrong answers have a story to tell the teacher. When parents supply too many clues and too much help, they disrupt the teaching process. Homework indicates to the teacher whether a child has a problem with the topic itself, with laziness, or possibly with a learning disability. Homework also tells the teacher if he has done his job. Widespread confusion on a worksheet indicates to the teacher that he needs to do a better job communicating. It is better to discover that unpleasant truth on a homework assignment (which does not significantly affect the grade average) than on a quiz, test, or final exam!

3. Homework increases your child's thinking skills.

Following directions, analyzing examples, listening in class (ummm, YES!), asking good questions, remembering to bring the worksheet home, and then focusing for an extended period of time on a difficult task: Those skills are ALL abandoned when parents spend hours and hours breaking down the material into smaller, easier-to-chew bites. The homework is presumably written at your child's thinking level, but when you break it up and spoon-feed it, you have just reduced the grade level at which your child is working.

4. Homework teaches personal responsibility.

Directly related to #3, children often use homework time as an opportunity to shift the responsibility of thinking onto parents or babysitters. Parents and after-school tutors then become enablers by reading the directions out loud, drawing charts, and breaking down the "big words" for a child who really just needed to be left alone for forty minutes with no one to coach him. Thinking is work. Children should be encouraged (through incentives, if necessary) to finish homework in a timely fashion and at school if possible--in study halls, while waiting for the bus, and even in class when the teacher provides opportunity.  

Homework is important and effective--but only if we let it do its job.  

Teaching the Bible to our children

Have you been trying to develop a personal daily Bible-reading habit? Do you struggle to teach your children about the Bible because you are not sure where to start?

Consider starting with the stories of the Bible! You don't even need an extra book or pictures; your Bible is enough! Small children will enjoy hearing the stories from your own words. Older children and teenagers can appreciate the stories directly from Scripture.

Here are some references from Genesis for some of the stories of the Bible that can help you begin to dig into Scripture for yourself throughout this next month:

The six days of Creation/7th Day of Rest Genesis 1 - 2

The first sin Genesis 3

The first murder Genesis 4

Noah's Ark Genesis 6 - 8

The Tower of Babel Genesis 11

Lot is rescued from Sodom Genesis 19

Abraham receives a son Genesis 21

Abraham offers Isaac Genesis 22

A wife for Isaac Genesis 24

Jacob tricks Isaac Genesis 27

Jacob finds a wife Genesis 29

Joseph is sold into slavery Genesis 37

Joseph is sentenced to a dungeon Genesis 39

Joseph is made second in command Genesis 41

Joseph's brothers bow down to him Genesis 42 - 44

Joseph is reunited with his father Genesis 45 - 46

Jacob dies Genesis 49 - 50

Don't let devotionals, DVD's, and TV shows be the only way your

family knows Bible stories. Let the Bible be your source!

What can we do?

When I was thirteen years old, I wrote in my devotional journal that one of my life goals was to help stop abortion. Could that seventh grade girl in 1983 have imagined that here we would be, 33 years later, and abortion would still be a scar on the spiritual and emotional landscape of our beloved country? Could I have imagined that the pictures that tore my heart up back then would only begin to convey a fraction of this national tragedy? Could my mind ever have imagined the hideous, demonic evil that is "partial birth abortion"? Not likely. But my heart has not changed.

What can you and I do to stop abortions in America? We weep for the unborn in our country and for the many young women who have been deceived by clever arguments. Our hearts grieve at the loss of those little voices, and for the mothers who will face a lifetime of secret regret and painful grief. What can we do? What can we do?

We pray to the Creator of those tiny hands and beg His mercy on our country. We ask God to stop the bloodshed in our land. We pray for opportunities to lend a hand, through gifts to those who serve on the front-lines in crisis pregnancy centers. We seek ways to support adoption and to support single moms who have made life-giving choices. We share the truth about the pre-born with our loved ones, knowing that they may be faced with a hard dilemma someday.

And here in America, we vote.

"If thou forebear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it?" Proverbs 24:11 - 12. 

Light

I can remember once, as a little girl, staring at the effect of the bright rays of sunshine streaming through our living room window. The light was so intense that I was able to see small specks of dust swirling around the room. "Where did that dust suddently come from?" I wondered. The truth is: Dust is with us everywhere, all the time! We just don't often see it without intense light.

In our family Bible time, we are working together on memorizing Psalm 119:130, "The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple."

The entrance of God's Word (the Bible) brings light into our lives. It shines like a high-beam flashlight onto things we may have overlooked without God's Word to point them out.

Do you have a habit of reading the Scriptures each day? Do you read deliberately through the whole Bible instead of just repeating favorite passages througout the year?

May I challenge you to make sure your "flashlight" is in good working order? The light of God's Word will amplify truths about God, about man, about sin, about our daily decisions, and ultimately about how to live in such a way as to hear "Well done!" when you meet your Savior face to face someday. 

Thou God, seest me

Her life was complicated by the decisions and mistakes of others as well as her own misjudgment. Even to this day, a few thousand years later, no one names their daughter "Hagar." She is a tragic figure in the Bible, and yet she gives us one of the most beautiful promises to cling to: "Thou God seest me." (Genesis 16:13)

Hagar didn't ask to become Sarai's surrogate, bearing a child with another woman's husband. She was drafted by her mistress, who questioned God's promise to give Abram a child. The situation proved impossible for both women. Sarai resented the intrusion she had invited upon herself, and she felt disrespected by Hagar's attitude. Feeling the sharp pain of harsh anger leveled at her, Hagar eventually fled into the desert, pregnant and alone, where God's angel met her and encouraged her to return with a submissive attitude to Sarai.

Life is not tidy. We are sometimes tempted to look at life's unpleasant situations and ask, "How did you get here?" We look at the difficult marriage, the addiction, the debt, the damaged reputation, the rejection, and myriad other complicated circumstances, and we wonder how the desert became our address.

But God sees us. In a desert, pregnant and alone, with not a friend in the world, Hagar discovered, "Thou God seest me."

Is your address a desert? People fail us, and we fail ourselves. Even Abram--a patriarch of the faith--could not provide a satisfying answer to Hagar's complicated life, but God met her in the desert with His presence and His solution. Your desert is not harder for God than Hagar's. "Thou God seest me."

Book Recommendatin: Fierce Women, by Kimberly Wagner

Last Christmas, my sister-in-law first introduced me to a book that has since been a tremendous conviction, encouragement, and motivation for me as wife. I’d like to introduce that book to you as well. It is called Fierce Women, by Kimberly Wagner.  Although this is not a book review, since I won't be covering everything in the book, it is a book recommendation.  If you are a wife or are about to get married, this book will help you to see your role as a wife from God's perspective. 

I relate to Kimberly Wagner in many ways.  She describes herself as an outspoken and opinionated person.  I found her book helpful because she does not suggest that strong-willed women need to lay down their God-given personality or leadership strengths in order to be in God's will.  But she does make a very clear Biblical argument for women to lay aside selfishness and power-grabbing.  

The other reason I appreciate Kimberly Wagner as an author is that she is brutally honest about herself. She describes in sad detail how she almost destroyed her own marriage within the first ten years, even driving her husband out of the ministry, by attacking him through the dangerous characteristics she goes on to warn against in the book.  Thankfully, God restored their marriage twenty years ago and has used the Wagners to help many others who are struggling.  

Allow me to quote from Fierce Women here and list the fifteen characteristics of a destructive fierce woman:  

Characteristics of a Destructive Fierce Woman

1. She has established herself as her own authority. Her identity flows from the faulty perception that she’s in charge of her life, and her independence is her highest value.

2. She’s always pulled by the lure of “more.”

3. She’s unaware that ingratitude, pride, and fear are the driving components of her life.

4. She’s passionate about things that matter to her. She lives with a self-centered agenda.

5. She longs for love and affection, but she can come out swinging if rejected!

6. She goes to battle often, mistaking her belligerence for heroism.

7. She grabs for power, and no one and nothing prevents her from getting her way.

8. She uses her strength to bully others. She may not recognize it a bullying, but her continual criticisms, negative perspective, and harsh tones are like acid.

9. She’s harsh and blunt in her honesty and proud of it.

10. She is often involved in conflicts with others.

11. She may claim God’s Word as her ultimate authority, but her study is merely academic. It doesn’t affect how she treats others.

12. She usually has no trouble confronting, but her approach is demeaning.

13. She views meek behavior as a sign of weakness. She sincerely believes her constant conflicts with others stem from their ineptness, lack of spirituality, or inferior behavior.

14. She craves power over others and has mastered the art of controlling them through subtle manipulation.

15. Although she may not admit it, her life is devoted to selfish pursuit. She is only satisfied when she gets her own way.

Such a thought-provoking and convicting list for me! I know there are areas God is working on me. I pray you are experiencing spiritual victory this week. God is good to reveal truth to us