How to Teach First-Time Obedience to Children

First-time obedience is one of the most important lessons you can teach your child.  Almost every other lesson in life you may attempt to teach in the first twelves years hinges upon this important principle.  It can easily be summed up in two simple rules:  "Stop," and "Come."  Here are three things to remember in teaching first-time obedience to small children:  

1. Explain two important commands to your child: “Stop” and “Come”.

Tell him that these rules must be obeyed the first time, every time. Tell him what the consequence or punishment will be if he disobeys.

When a young child learns to stop and come on command, he grows up with an expectation of obedience toward his parents. This expectation naturally converts into obedience in other areas. Parents who successfully teach a child to come and to stop on command rarely have to fight many other battles. Over time, this lends itself toward harmony in the home rather than constant conflict.

2. Practice at home.

Home is the laboratory where we prepare for experiences in public. Home is where we practice chewing with our mouths closed, using manners, and using other healthy habits. Learning to come and to stop are even more important than learning hygiene, and they require just as much practice.

Tell the child, “Let’s practice coming! Go play with your toys, and when I say ‘Come!’, you come running to me as fast as you can!” Each day, invent new places from where you call the child (from the kitchen, from the bathroom, from the front porch, etc.). I have practiced this game with children at church, and they usually find it very amusing.

Practicing “stop” works the same way: Tell the child to walk around until you quietly say, “Stop.” (*Train with the same voice you plan to use at Walmart.) The child needs to practice freezing in place. Again, it is amusing to the child to freeze in awkward positions. (The mannequin game did not start in 2016.)

Tell the child that this is his “new normal.” Since he is clearly very good at coming and stopping on command, he is expected to do this with immediate obedience every day. This is not an unreasonable command. It will prevent accidents and property damage at friends’ homes. It will make your child a blessing to be around. It may save his life. Parking lots are especially unfriendly to children who do not learn to stop on command.

3. Avoid confusing the child with any inconsistencies.

Counting to 3, 5, or 10 causes the child to believe that he has multiple opportunities to disobey before a rule will be enforced. This runs counter to “first-time obedience,” and it is also contrary to how he will be treated under other authorities. Remember the game: He really can do this the first time.

Pleading for obedience instead of offering an immediate consequence places the authority with the child instead of with the adult in charge. Although there is no need to grind your teeth or make horrible threats, remember that a sweet, apologetic tone for commands is confusing to a child who has been told he will receive uncomfortable consequences for not coming. Speak with your God-given authority.

Three Scriptures that may be helpful are these: Genesis 18:19; I Samuel 2:29; and Proverbs 24:9.